(Closed) FI wants to travel to see female doctor but doesn't want me to come?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 167
99 posts
Worker bee

I can’t remember the last time I came across someone who felt the need to repeatedly highlight that the doctor is female in quite this way. I might have read such things from books written in the 1950s, but that’s about it.

The doctor’s gender really shouldn’t be an issue, but you’ve needlessly made it one and you continue to do so, despite your odd “I know it MIGHT be stupid BUT I still think there might be something going on with her” wording. Based on your insistent “you would feel this way too” responses, I get the feeling that you still really don’t understand why people think it’s a huge problem that where other people see a qualified doctor, you instead choose to see a potential sexual threat to your relationship.

And you know what? Personally, I don’t see why you’re making an issue of this at all. Lasik doesn’t require that much in terms of recovery, and it’s sure as hell not something where you should be paying for a round-trip cross-country ticket, especially if you are a college student and strapped for cash. I’d say the only thing he’s really going to have trouble with is getting back to his place. Still not worth having you accompany him.

Post # 168
11970 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Reading your other threads the more concerning thing is FI’s pattern of dictating to you rather than discussing things. He sounds like someone who wants and expects things to be his way on his terms. Yes, he compromised on the timing of his vacation trip eventually, but the initial approach was very self centered and demanding.

Unless there was actually a female ophthalmologist in his past, or you suspect that the “hired” nurse is really a cover, IMO that’s where your focus should be. 

Post # 169
489 posts
Helper bee

So, cant you just say to him “hey, Ive been thinking a lot and I understand you wanting to go alone,  but I am still curious why you are so adamant that I CANT come”…

Post # 171
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Myhusband and his brother (whom we lived with at the time) had LASIK the same day. They were not allowed to drive afterwards and both just laid in a dark room for the majority of the afternoon/evening. I gave them eye drops and checked on them periodically. Wasn’t really much involved, but I do understand wanting to be there for him.

Post # 172
1638 posts
Bumble bee

I have only read to page 4 or so, but wanted to ask you something.  My Darling Husband had lasik and was shocked to discover, when he went for his first appt., that not all people have the correct eye shape or something along those lines.  He could not have the “quick” recovery type of procedure.

In his case, his recovery was a full week, no work, no driving, no nothing.  Had eye drops to put in that I needed to do for him as he couldn’t tell where the medicine bottle was in relation to his eye!

Be SURE your guy has actually had that pre-intake exam and knows for sure he can do the quick recovery procedure.  Really important !

Post # 173
4 posts
  • Wedding: May 2017

Maybe she is his mistress….. Either way, I wouldn’t trust ot

or him. It sounds shady .

Post # 174
943 posts
Busy bee

I see no issue with the female doctor. I also dont see an issue about the travel across country to see someone you trust. Several years ago I had a tumor and went through chemotherapy. I later had to have what is called Cyber Knife surgery. By that time I had moved to a new area and instead of finding a surgeon in my area I went to the one my Oncologist recommended where I lived before.

What is shady to me is that given his insistence with no forthcoming reason that you not come is what would bother me. 

If my Darling Husband told he was having surgery in another city and insisted I stay home I would want to know why. If he told me its because I wasnt a comforting person and it would stress him out more with me being there I would certainly respect his wishes and hoped that he would have another friend of family member there to help.

However if he just said no you arent coming with no reason we would have some major issues. I would just ask him point blank, why dont you want me there? Saying money is the issue wouldnt fly because he obviously doesnt mind spending his money when his doctor is perfectly willing to make a recommendation on a doctor that is closer to you. (As mentioned in a previous comment you made.) I would just say since you don’t mind spending the money to go that far then I dont mind spending my money to travel and take care of you. If balks at that, then something else is going on. Sorry just my opinion.

Post # 175
169 posts
Blushing bee

He is there to possibly meet up old flames or tinder potentials? Sounds a little sketchy to me. I flew across country for my oral surgeon but I wanted my husband to accompany me. 

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