(Closed) FI watching porn, lying about it.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Susana888:  ok, now we get to the REAL problem. This is not about porn, it’s about a lack of sex between the two of you. You need to sit down with him and express that you aren’t happy with how often you two have sex, that you love him and find him sexy as hell and you need to be close to him in the bedroom.

Ask him if he wants more sex too and why he thinks it isn’t happening for you guys. DO NOT bring up or blame it on porn, this is not about that. Perhaps he just finds it hard to get into the mood with your parents and the uncle in the house? Getting into the mood for sex is harder than for masturbation because sex requires a bed, clean surfaces, being able to make noise etc. Masterbation takes very little perpetration, it’s also easier to hide should someone walk in.

You should not feel like you can’t talk to you Fiance about your sex life. Go have this conversation and make a plan for how to improve things.  

Post # 48
Member
310 posts
Helper bee

@Susana888:  I’m really sorry it makes you feel uncomfortable.  +1000 to all the bees that are telling you not to let it make you feel bad about yourself.  Those girls have nothing to do with you-to him, they aren’t even real.  I agree with the suggestions that others are making about having a gosh honest conversation about intimacy.  And also, to remember that there are lots of ways to stay close and be intimate even when you don’t get much alone time!  I’m sure lots of other LDR bees can chime in with tips to keep the spark going (though I know you’re not LDR). But first, you have to talk to him about how feel.  Don’t be embarrassed-there’s nothing to be ashamed of.  

Post # 50
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Susana888:  sex or porn? You should be able to talk about your sex life together, it involves both of you afterall. 

Post # 51
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Everdeen x1000

@Susana888: OP, if I’m interpreting your posts correctly, it seems like it’s not porn per se that you have a problem with, it’s that you think your boyfriend is comparing you to these women. As another PP said, I would stake my life that your Boyfriend or Best Friend is not watching porn and thinking, “these chicks are so hotttt, why can’t Susana888 look like them??” He’s really, really not. He is watching sex, not fantasizing about the people doing it. If you’ve ever watched porn yourself, you’ll understand- heck, 90% of the time, you’re just looking at body parts, not even actual people! You’re being waaaaaaay too hard on yourself and this “comparison” stuff is in your head.

I realize that you’re young and seem to have some insecurities about your appearance, and I think the best thing you can do for yourself is address them with a counselor. If you’re this worked up about women in a movie, it’s only a matter of time before you start feeling this way about the chick making your latte, or your BF’s co-worker. Putting yourself in a constant state of comparison with other women is not only completely unhealthy for your mental well-being, it’s going to prove destructive for this relationship and your future ones. Nip it in the bud, OP, self confidence can be your greatest asset (and no amount of silicone in a porno can take that away from you!)

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