(Closed) FI went to a lawyer to draw up a Pre-Nup without me knowing…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Well… this is just my opinion.. I would definately be upset with my fiance if he did this behind me back. However, I don’t think it’s a reason to say you don’t know if you want to stay with him (althought i have a feeling that’s just the emotion talking 🙂 )

  I would honestly just sit down with him and discuss why it bothers you and why he wants to do this.  Ask him why he didn’t talk to you about it first and let him know how it makes you feel. Sometimes guys don’t get how feelings I work I think so we have to explain… and explain.. and explain.

 Good luck and I am sure it will all work out!!

Post # 4
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I honestly dont think your over reacting, I would feel the exact same way. I dont know what advice to give you, but I would probably go stay somewhere else for a couple days to think about everything to see what you really want, and have a big talk with him. Sorry this happened!

Post # 5
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Well, I would be pissed, and i consider myself to be a fairly understanding individual.
He SHOULD have talked with you first.  Did he not think that there would be anything YOU might like to add for starters? OR even that it might possibly be a terrible thing to spring on someone randomly.

Either way it should have been something that you BOTH should have talked about and agreed to and came up with the terms and conditions togther

 

Post # 6
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

The way he went about it was horrible, and I would be incredibly pissed as well! 

However, can you imagine not spending your life with him? Walking away would be a huge step, and I think it might be a bit over-dramatic. I’m not trying to say he didn’t royally screw up, I’m just not convinced it’s worth throwing your relationship out the window over it. 

Sit down with him and tell him everything about it that upsets you. Talk it out, and see where both of you stand and why. Leaving won’t really solve much :(.

Post # 7
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Go to parents or a friends for the night… that way you can calm down and then tomrrow or the next day TALK about it… calmly.

Post # 8
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@CherryWaves: I think you are entitled to be upset! I would be. If my Fiance went to an attorney and drew up PRE NUP papers without my knowledge I would feel betrayal, hurt, distrust, anger, malice, confusion, all sorts of things. He should have come to you and y’all discussed this as a couple. Marriage is not one sided. It is a union between two people. I would be equally upset.

Post # 9
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Are you more upset about the fact that he got a prenup or that he got a prenup without discussing it with you first?  It sounds like you knew about his thinking of getting a prenup before getting married, so it was not a TOTAL surprise.  I think after you have calmed down, you have a conversation with him about what bothered you about the situation-communication is key.  I don’t think you should throw in the towel about this.  Couples can make it through mostly anything as long as there is open communication and honesty. Talk to him.  Best of Luck!

Post # 10
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think I’d be so upset to question being with him. My Fiance mentioned it to me months ago, and we haven’t really talked about it since. If he brought one to me 2 weeks before, I don’t think I’d bat an eye.

Of course I have no issue with signing one either.

Post # 11
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think you are overreacting at all.  Marriage is supposed to be a partnership where you make important life changing decisions together. He not only did this without discussing it with you, but he also sprung it on you at work where you couldn’t even freely talk about it. That’s not mature. And now you only have two weeks to have your lawyer look it over and possibly make any changes. If you’re going to do the pre-nup, you need to take the time to make sure your interests are protected to. Is he so sure of this that he’d be willing to postpone the wedding if you run out of time to work out the agreement?

Post # 12
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Wow. I would definitely tell him that decisions like this need to be made as a couple, not sprung on each other once the wheels are already in motion. Otherwise I forsee major communication issues in your marriage.

Two weeks before the wedding…geez, is he just having a major attack of cold feet or what? I’d be livid right now. Make sure you talk it out with him and then see how you feel. Don’t make any rash decisions, but don’t ignore your gut feelings either.

Hope you can work it out, but no matter what, I just want you to do what’s best for YOU.

Post # 14
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Theres never a better time than now to talk things over!

My guess is since you already kind of touched on the subject and you didn’t have the conversation then ( aka freak out), he didn’t see it as a big deal going ahead and getting it done.

I think you should definitely take a step back and breathe! Your emotions are already all crazy with marriage and remember all the reasons why you do want to be married, which have nothing to do with money!

Post # 15
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I’d be pissed as shit if my Darling Husband had pulled a stunt like that and then tell you at your workplace?!?!?! I wouldn’t even know what to think of that.

*I have no problems with pre-nups – I have problems with partners going behind each other’s back and then telling them in a (imo) cowardly fashion – because I bet he expected that you wouldn’t say anything/blow up at work.

Post # 16
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This is ridiculous! Seriously, what else will he just decide isn’t a big deal and go do on his own???

I would be just as pissed and I would also be rethinking if that was the man for me. 

Seriously, 2 weeks before the wedding??? He’s having a massive case of cold feet it seems.

The topic ‘FI went to a lawyer to draw up a Pre-Nup without me knowing…’ is closed to new replies.

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