(Closed) FI went to a lawyer to draw up a Pre-Nup without me knowing…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 138
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

He made you give up your cats and now he’s springing a prenup on you with two weeks to go? I’d want to head for the hills too. It isn’t the prenup, it’s his handling of it. And honestly, it’s a big decision. One that should’ve been made together, a long time ago. What other major things is he not planning to consult you on? 

Post # 139
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

After reading this last night I had a discussion with my Fiance.  Funny enough we are getting married on December 2, he has an almost 500 acre family ranch.  I wanted to get a man’s point of view.  His first reaction was – Either you trust someone or you don’t.  He said he never dreamed of putting a pre-nup in place because he knows my character and he knows that I understand what that land means to him and his family and he trusts me.

Both he and I have been married before so we well understand what can happen when marriages fail.  But as I said in an earlier comment – A pre nup to me simply is putting in place all the details for the divorce. You are planning the wedding while he is out planning the divorce.  If you know you have a back up plan for failure then working it out when things get bad can seem less likely. 

My first marriage failed after I found out that my husband had been hiding a $2000 a month crack habit from me.  He traveled alot for business.  So if he was gone for a couple of days that was very normal.  When I found out the truth my family instantly said divorce him.  I said I promised through sickness and health.  He is sick and needs my help.  I gave it everything I had.  After 6 years I finally knew there was nothing else to try and I called it quits.  I have never regretted that decision.  I don’t feel like a failure.  I made a vow and I kept it.  I worked for 6 years trying to hold this marriage together until it was simply no longer a viable option.

50% of all marriage end in divorce, a rather new trend of the past 30 years or so.  I don’t think people are any different than they used to be.  I dont think life is any harder than it used to be.  I think people give up too fast.  They plan for failure (like pre-nups) and have  a back for when things go wrong instead of WORKing through the rough spots in realtionships.  This is your life and you can’t base that on what a bunch of strangers say.  But if it were me I would be thinking long and hard about whether or not this person I am about to commit the rest of my life to has what it takes to beat the 50% odds. Will he rely on hard work or a legal document when the marriage hits the rough and rocky spots.  And every marriage no matter how good it is has rough spots.

Good luck to you. 

Post # 140
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t think a pre-nup is planning for a divorce.  Protecting your assets is practical thinking.  We’re all capable of becoming jerks when we think someone has wronged us.

Anywho OP, your point isn’t about that.  Yes, you are right about the timing.  But even in saying that, it doesn’t sound like he was trying to pull one past you.  I’m sure he was just thinking that it was something he needed to look into, and did.

Glad to hear that you two are talking and working it out.  Hopefully this leads to more transparent and better communication in the future.  Good luck!

And best wishes on your wedding day =)

 

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