(Closed) Fi won't ask groomsmen

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: What should I do?

    Leave it & just hope he asks soon.

    Take charge. Ask them myself.

    Nag, nag, nag

    Other. (Please comment)

  • Post # 2
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    View original reply
    missrosemary:  definitely don’t ask for him as he might be in two minds about some and also don’t get into the habit of babying your Fiance (trust me I have to remind myself that) it would be odd you asking. 

    ive been told in the past let the guy get on with it and leave him to sort what he is meant to – give him the chance. Unlike a wedding dress a guy can get a suit easy peasy and hire… If they know about your wedding then they are coming they just currently think of themselves as guests.

    Try not to stress over this let him have this one thing to organise if he knly ends up with one groomsman (that’s what we have) so be it he also may find he doesn’t get a kick as bachelor party because of it (just drop that in lol) 

    Post # 3
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    For what it’s worth, my wedding is this Sunday and Fiance didn’t ask his groomsmen until mid March! I kept reminding him to do it and he’d keep telling me that he would “get around to it.” I finally gave up and decided that I wasn’t going to continue stressing about it. If he ended up with no groomsmen that was his own problem. Once he realized how close we were to the wedding, he finally got his butt into gear. Amazingly enough they were still able to coordinate tuxes for all the guys. I wouldn’t worry about it. Don’t do the asking for him (I agree that it seems a bit disrespectful.) Just drop it and move on with the other things on your list. Planning a wedding is stressful enough without having to worry about his stuff too. My guess is that once it gets a bit closer to the actual date, he’ll realize that he needs to quit procrastinating. I know for my Fiance that was his motivating factor. 

    Post # 4
    6952 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I was in a wedding once where the groom literally asked some of the guys to be his groomsmen the week before. It worked out fine even though the bride was really stressed out about it. I think he just ended up asking his guy friends that he knew already owned a black suit. So the suits were technically different, but no one could tell/care.

    As far as the suits for you…we had a lot of cross-country groomsmen and I thought it would be tricky to coordinate everyone. It wasn’t. We went to Men’s Wearhouse, picked out what we wanted, they put it all in their system, and we gave the groomsmen the group number to use. Worked perfectly.

    Just work out a time with your Fiance to go suit shopping and tell him you need to know exactly who is in the wedding party first so you can give their names to the store. So maybe that’ll put him on a sort of deadline. 

    Post # 5
    2203 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    Tell him you are not doing anything related to the groomsmen. Which means he asks them, he organises the suits, he tells you how many button holes he needs, he buys any thank you presents, he chases if a groomsman doesn’t rsvp, he finds out names of dates and girlfriends. You’ve asked him to do it and explained why he should do it sooner rather than later. Don’t do it for him as I really think might let him develop some bad habits in the future. Do not stress about it, they’re his friends so his stress. You don’t need to make a big deal of it, just tell him you’ll stop reminding him about it but you expect him to organise X, y and z. Offer to write what he needs to do down and then don’t bring it up again.

    As for not having enough people to displace your parents at the table. It’s their daughter’s wedding. They should be able to put it aside for a day and if they can’t you need to tell them that it isn’t about them. You could also have a sweetheart table and sit with just each other, letting your bridal party sit with their dates.

    If you don’t have any groomsmen nothing bad will happen. You will have some beautiful pictures taken with your friends without having to ask for a specific photo. It will be OK if you just have bridesmaids, there’s always a work around. If anyone asks about a lack of groomsmen just say it was your partners responsibility to ask and he didn’t, not in a passive agreeing way just on stating facts kind of way.

    Post # 6
    4038 posts
    Honey bee

    My son in law is supposedly in a wedding party, less than 6 months from now. I use the word supposedly, because the bride to be told my daughter/his wife, that he will be in it, but the groom didn’t say anything yet. The groom is a lifelong friend and he talks to him all the time. Men …

    Post # 7
    4233 posts
    Honey bee

    View original reply

    When is your wedding? “Less than 6mos” is plenty of time for a few guys to rent a tux each in their respective towns and show up with a fresh haircut at your venue. Less than 6days is probably plenty of time for the groomsmen to do that, tbh.

    Hang in there, Bride to Bee.


    Post # 8
    325 posts
    Helper bee

    Sounds similar to my Fiance. I had to really push him to ask his groomsmen. He didn’t ask my brother until last month (but I had slipped it out to him a few months prior so he kinda knew already). They are just big time procrastinators sometimes, drives me nuts. 

    Post # 9
    7846 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    He’s a guy. He’ll ask when he asks or he won’t have groomsmen. Not the end of the world and it doesn’t mean your divorced parents have to sit together. You can always have a sweetheart table.

    Post # 10
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee

    It’s not anything you need to worry about. Guys are different than girls. Just let him go at his own pace.


    Post # 11
    227 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I wouldnt nag OR ask them but I would ask him to do it by xx-xx-xxxx date and let him know if he’s uncomfortable asking that you will help him, you can send a funny email (in case he’s feeling awkward doing it face to face), or that if he doesn’t want groomsman you guys can come up with a plan B.

    Post # 12
    543 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I think at 6 months away you still have time, but I would encourage him to ask soon. His groomsmen might need to do a certain amount of budgeting and planning and its unfair to spring that on them at the last minute when he’s known about it for a while.

    You definitely SHOULD NOT ask, though. This is his thing. If he doesn’t do it worst case scenario is that he has to stand up there alone.

    Post # 13
    4808 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    missrosemary:   Do not step in – and it does not affect the seating, you can always shuffle people around.  

    Post # 14
    773 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    missrosemary:  I agree with pp who say not to baby your Fiance. Leave it alone. You have told him what he needs to do already (more than once probably) and now it is on him. If last minute works fine for his friends, great. If he doesn’t get a bachelor party and doesn’t have anyone standing up there on his side, fine. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Letting him be his own person is much more important to your marriage than the bridal party.

    Post # 15
    268 posts
    Helper bee

    Jeez, that’s a lot of pressure for your fi, and maybe he feels like he’s being forced to ask for the wrong reasons at this point (ie: you HAVE to have groomsmen because MY parents cant behave themselves!). That’s not why you have a wedding party.  You have a wedding party to acknowledge the people who have loved and supported you.

    If your parents are really a huge deal, arrange for a sweetheart table, and if your fi doesn’t have groomsmen, whoop de do! 

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