So, this was definitely something that became an issue in our wedding planning! He kept “meaning to ask” and he would “soon” and he’d make his decision about the last groomsman “soon”. I had asked him once a week for like 4 weeks, and the last time he told me that, he also made a “nagging” reference, so I said okay, well, if they need to make travel arrangements you might want to ask soon.
Then I DROPPED it. You will survive without knowing those details, yet. But here’s my lesson learned/funny story..now.
The horror story: apparently when he finally called one of the guys to ask him to be IN the wedding, the guy heard “AT the wedding”.
I couldn’t figure out why he and his family were so flaky about coming for the rehearsal dinner and his wife even messaged me asking if they really needed to be there. I was slightly offended at first, and told her “no, you’re welcome to come but if it’s not convenient, you certainly don’t have to”. I thought it was all weird but had many other things on my mind and we had decided everything groomsman related was my fiance’s responsibilty. Anyway, so the groomsman and his family ended up showing up for the dinner after the rehearsal (we’d decided he’d just gotten lost and didn’t make it for the rehearsal but no one could get ahold of him via cell)…
So, at the dinner is where it all fell into place and was revealed that he had literally NO IDEA he was a groomsman. He had to go buy a suit that next morning before the wedding! Later he mentioned he had thought it was funny that my husband was trying to tell him what to wear to the wedding a couple months earlier! (Okay, so now I’m starting to laugh at all this. At the time I just had to choose to ignore it so I wouldn’t be stressed!)
So all that to say, let your fiance be responsible, but within a few weeks of the wedding, I’d suggest sitting him down and saying who’s in the party? what are they wearing? did they confirm that with you and when?
And then maybe if you can, reach out to any SO’s or wives in a friendly way saying “hey as the bride I just want to check in and make sure you all know what our plans are for the members of the bridal party” and give them an overview of the rehearsal plans, a recap of clothing guidelines, etc. If it had even occurred to me this was the scenario, I could have totally cleared things up with his wife before they came since she’d been so kindly messaging me trying to figure out what was going on.