(Closed) FI won't consider a church wedding :( Vent

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 32
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@crayfish:  +1. Exactly.

Fiance and I have discussed ad nauseum how we will raise our children, what we plan on doing (or not doing) in terms of traditions and the beliefs system we were raised with. If I were with anyone who demanded a church wedding, I would probably walk away from the relationship. This is something that really should have been addressed early on in the relationship…not that you discuss a wedding immediately, but situations arise where you would have a conversation regarding beliefs and such, and that’s really where people need to be 100% up front about their feelings. I’m sure your Fiance wants you to be happy more than anything, but this is clearly something really important to him and you should approach it logically and calmly (since people get very hot over these things). I’d also suggest asking him to list 3 reasons why not, and you list 3 reasons why, and see where it goes from there. 

Post # 33
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

With my husband, apathy or “I don’t know, maybe” are often code for “I really don’t want to but I don’t want to fight about this so I’ll kinda sorta go along with things somewhat.” I wonder if that is the case here and he actually has strong feelings but is being wishy-washy because he knows how important this is to you and he is dreading disappointing you with his deep down feelings?

Post # 35
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He may have found that after the meeting with the minister that he DID actually care  about it not being in a church or with religious tones enough to say something.

Post # 36
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@futuremrste:  I think that your Fiance might need some time to digest the information. While I did discuss the church wedding with my Fiance before we got engaged, he didn’t realize what it took to have a church wedding so he was a little miffed once he learned what it took.  i.e. pre cana course, meeting with the priest several times, and etc.  We were fortunate that our priest was very laidback and understanding.  I had to sit the Fiance down and tell him reasons why I wanted a church wedding for myself and not my family because for the longest time, he thought I wanted a church wedding for my family.

Post # 38
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

My Fiance is the same way, no church wedding, no clergy officating the wedding, etc…  However, I argee with his reasons for not having them (we’re both agnostics) but I love the classic look of church weddings.

That’s why I love my dream venue.  It’s an old rock church that isn’t a church anymore–it’s been bought by people who rent it as a wedding venue only.  I can have my classic look and our desire not to bring religion into our wedding for any reason.

But it might be a good idea that both you and your Fiance discuss how religion will play into your lives.  I know when I dated Christian guys (even ones that weren’t that religious) I always felt like they looked down on me for not being a Christian. 

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