(Closed) FI won't do personal vows…

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Are you doing personal vows? How do you feel about them?
    Yes, but not too emotive. : (6 votes)
    3 %
    Yes, and they might make us cry. : (20 votes)
    11 %
    No, we are reciting pre-written vows. : (76 votes)
    43 %
    No, we are doing something else altogether different regarding vows (explain). : (9 votes)
    5 %
    It's not important to do personal vows--do it in private. : (54 votes)
    31 %
    It is important and you shouldn't drop it if you want to. : (11 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 48
    5659 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @lawbride88:  You posted this kind of awhile ago now but I wanted to give you my input. I really wanted us to write vows, and really it was because i wanted for once, for my man of little words fiance at the time to tell me out loud how he really felt about me. I wanted to stand up there in front of everyone and profess our love to each other like all those so romantic couples do.

    But my fiance wasn’t having it. I even caused fights over it, KNOWING he has social anxiety and would NEVER feel comfortable doing such a thing. I felt like he should because it was our wedding.

    I finally realized that I wasn’t marrying the kind of man that felt comfortable doing that, and that if I wanted to be shown love it would have to be in other ways.

    What we DID do, is go through the process of writing our ceremony together, which included various phrases and poems etc that we both felt were special. The ceremony was just as meaningful and while I was standing there holding my almost husbands hands and listening to our officiant read our vows that we had technically come up with, I didn’t feel anything but love from and towards him. The last thing you want to do is force your fi to do something on his wedding day that he’s going to sweat about (besides sweating about seeing you walk down the aisle :))

    Post # 50
    2552 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @lawbride88:  hah! We arent doing personal vows because we dont want to cry and cry and cry because thats what will happen!

    Post # 51
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I love traditional vows.  Stading in front of my friends and family, I wanted my parents and grandparents to remember when they vowed to be true to each other, have and hold forever ’till death to do they part, through better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health.  Now when we go to weddings or see them act one on tv it brings us back to the moment that we vowed our lives to each other.  That means so much more to me than “I love you and promise to always take the trash out.”


    Neither my husband nor I are much for sharing that sort of thing, so we’d gravitate towards non-personal anyway.  But for me – there was no choice.


    Personal vows are what you always wanted, but maybe since he was a kid he’s always wanted to stand up and promise to love and cherish you, forsaking all others, etc, etc.  I think you found a great guy if he’s willing to go out of his comfort zone for you, but let him be comfortable at his own wedding.  Do your personal vows in private or just written in a letter. 


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