(Closed) Fi won't hang out with his friends… unless I go, too.

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

How would his friends behave if you weren’t there? Maybe that plays into him wanting to invite you, idk. You can always make new acquaintances. Ask him why he feels as though he HAS to have you with him when hanging out with friends.

Post # 3
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

ABL12490:  Maybe it has something to do with the ex? Maybe she went out so often and he hated being left home alone that he doesn’t want your relationship to turn into the same thing. He knows how awful HE felt staying home while she went out with her friends and thinks you’d feel the same if he did it to you. And maybe he wants to spend as much time as possible with you because the ex didn’t make him a priority? Idk, don’t know the ex or their relationship.. just speculating.

Post # 4
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How much time do you spend together throughout the week? Do you hardly see each other due to work and other commitments or do you see each other most days? If it’s the former then I can see where he’s coming from (if his friends want to hang out on a weekly basis) but if you see each other most days or his friends want to hang out once in a blue moon then I think it’s a little needy.

I don’t think it’s healthy to never ever go out without your other half. I don’t go out often but when I do (and it’s a situation where I would invite him, so not work friends or my close girlfriends) I often go out without my husband and it’s usually because he is working. If he isn’t working or already busy then he will generally come. My husband has also gone out without me before.

By The Way, I wouldn’t say it’s cancelling on plans if you say “no” to you from the invitation but if you said yes and then no that would be cancelling.

Maybe next time he gets invited out with his friends you can do something with your girls?

Post # 5
Member
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

When you go with him, are you the only girl, or are there other girlfriends/wives? Maybe he wants to keep the gender balance even. Maybe he feels you don’t get enough social time. It might be weird to be the only girl in a guy activity though. I suppose you could just keep reinforcing that you do like your “me” time, and hopefully, he’ll let it go. 

Post # 6
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee

UUUHHhhh same thing with my Fiance .He will not go hang out with anyone and when I ask him why he says because I am not going. DRIVE ME NUTS! go hang out with your friends!

Post # 7
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh, seems really clingy.

Post # 8
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Redondo Beach Historic Library

craigslistgirl:  Maybe it’s the opposite, all the guys bring their spouses/gfs and he doesn’t want to be the only “single” dude? Or he’s socially awkward or really introverted and just feels better having someone around he can trust implicitly? I don’t know, I definitely prefer to have my Fiance around at social events but not to the point where I’d refuse to go without him.

Post # 11
Member
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

ABL12490:  It sounds like he doesn’t get much free time and he wants to spend it with you. My Darling Husband is the same way a lot of the time, because he works a lot. If someone invites him out and I’m not invited, lots of times he will turn them down, because he wants to spend time with me. He does go out sometimes without me though and leaves me at home and he definitely will go out without me if I am away or busy with something else. 

Would your husband go out with his friends without you if you were otherwise busy? If so, it may be about spending his available time with you. If not, then it may be something about not wanting to be around his friends without you, whatever that may be. 

Post # 12
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That’s a busy week so I can understand him wanting to spend time with you. How often do his friends want to get together? Maybe you could come to a compromise and say every third time your friends ask to hang out you will go by yourself and I’ll stay at home. He doesn’t need to make an excuse for you, if you want some chill time you want some chill time – it’s not illegal!

Post # 13
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

ABL12490:  This clinginess would be a turn off for me. 

Post # 14
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

 

at least I’m not the only one 😧😧😧😧 mine wants me everywhere. I think my situation might be worse because my SO is a female (tomboyish) so when I get invited to a girls night out she always starts with “where we going” 7 years in the clinginess is getting worse lol

Post # 15
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I guess my Fiance is what most of you would classify as “clingy,” but them so am I so this works for us! We typically include each other in our social activities and I like that he wants me around so much because my ex was the opposite. That said, we both know that we have the freedom to go out and do things on our own, it’s just that we rarely want to do that. I appreciate that he values our time together as much as I do, and that we enjoy each other’s company so much. If I feel like I need a Pinterest night (yes, it can take up a whole night) or want to read my book, he’ll go off and do his own thing in the house and I do mine. Perhaps we’re not particularly social creatures either so are content staying at home most nights. I think in your case I’d only be bothered if he made me feel bad about bailing, or somehow acted like he was being deprived of going out because I wasn’t feeling up to it. 

I don’t get the having to lie thing, though. Why isn’t, “She wasn’t feeling well tonight,” which is the truth, a good enough explanation? I wouldn’t read anything into that, but I think it’s a little funny that he’s trying to come up with elaborate excuses when the truth works just fine.

In my experience, asking, “Is this normal?” about anything relationship-related is pointless (barring extremes like abuse or mental illness). Every person’s needs are different and every couple’s different! It’s all about communicating your needs to your partner and coming up with a suitable compromise that works for both of you. Comparing yourself to other couples makes no sense since you don’t live their lives; you just need to be happy with your life.

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