Post # 1
My fiance has been pretty laid back in the planning. I’ve had to do pretty much everything on my own, which is fine, since I LOVE planning. But there is one thing that he NEEDS to do! Pick groomsmen! We’ve been engaged for over a year now, wedding in just over seven months. He has three people in mind and can’t pick who is the best man because he doesn’t like to pick “favorites.”
He has decided not to say ANYTHING to any of them until he picks his best man. I told him, even if he hasn’t picked a best man he needs to ask them to be groomsmen soon so they can be prepared financially and so they can plan for all of the time needed (bachelor party, rehearsal & dinner, WEDDING lol) to be in the wedding.
If I bring it up, he gets upset. How can I help him? Or at least convince him it’s not the end of the world if he chooses?
Post # 4
Hmmm… Who has he known the longest?? I don’t really know. My finance has two twin older brothers so instead of having one, we’re having both as bestmen. Is it something like this that’s holding it up?
Good luck with this one!
Post # 5
No, actually one is his brother and one is his close friend. There is a third groomsman that is a childhood friend but he’s not in the running for Bridesmaid or Best Man since Fiance doesn’t have as much in common with him. He’s leaning towards asking the close friend instead of his brother, but doesn’t want to upset his brother, or upset the childhood friend(he thinks asking his brother will keep childhood friend happy). If he picks his brother, he thinks the close friend will be crushed since they are super close.
Post # 6
(Oh – and the close friend has already made comments along the lines of best man speeches and what not, he’s pretty much expecting him to choose him).
Post # 7
I don’t think he should choose his brother simply because it’s family. Bridesmaid or Best Man should be who he is closest to. I’m having two Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe he can have two BM?
Post # 8
Ah, my Fi was the same way. He couldn’t pick a third groomsman (and two ushers) from a set of three guys. If he picked A or B, he felt the other would be offended, but he was closer to A&B than to C. However, he hangs out with C and groomsman D, so C could be insulted if not asked. Ultimately, as in THIS WEEK he asked C as groomsman to join D and Brother (best man). He has not yet asked A&B to be ushers. We have 4 months to go to our wedding….so you’re not as tight as he is.
Unlike Jamcnair, I defer to family over friends. They’ve been with you all your life, they are blood, and presumably if you are asking to be in the wedding party, they are close (even if not as close at the friend). I think a brother is more apt to be hurt than a friend if you choose the other. But he does have to bite the bullet soon. Who can he not imagine being a part of the day? Who is better organized and will throw a kick ass party, give a great speech, calm his jitters, etc.?
Post # 9
It’s good to know I’m not alone! I guess at least he made up his mind about how many there will be so I can ask my girls (already asked my sisters, meeting my friend for lunch tomorrow to ask her!! so excited).
I just wish we could get the tuxes figured out and all that before Fiance becomes EXTREMELY busy with work in about a month and a half (he is seasonally employed, 55 to 65 hrs a week for about 10 months of the year, december and january he watches TV and hangs out with the dog, lol)
Post # 10
@SoonToBeMrsMoose: I had this same problem. My husband totally procrastinated on this. I finally got him to ask his wedding party six months before our wedding. He wanted his sister as best “man”, two close friends and his childhood friend turned sister’s husband. His sister ended up saying no, she’d rather be a bridesmaid (which wasn’t really on the table, but we ended up working with it), and then he never designated/communicated which of the remaining groomsmen was now the best man until a MONTH before.
I think if you just don’t want to hurt feelings, the brother is the way to go. The friend might be a little hurt, but most people ultimately understand that siblings have the edge. I have two best friends who are a teeeeesny bit competitive about who’s my BEST best friend, so having a sister was a godsend!
If he honestly thinks the friend is closer to him and is going to be more supportive/helpful/responsible then go with the friend. If he wasn’t having just three, I would say go with co-best men and just split up the duties, but I’d hate for the one friend to feel like he was the only one not good enough.
Post # 11
@SoonToBeMrsMoose: Mine theorectically made up his mind back in September, when I asked him to do so because I wanted to know how many I should invite (I know you can do odd numbers but I wanted it the same). I told him I would do 1, 2, or 3, just tell me how many! I really didn’t want to go with more because it’d be too many up there for my tastes. He said 3, he made up his mine. So, I asked my gals then (I wanted to catch my SIL in person when she was visiting from out of state). He then didn’t “make up” his mind until now. Luckily, he had the excuse of not seeing his brother in person to ask first until the middle of Nov, and he hadn’t seen groomsman C since then until this week.
And it doesn’t take that long to get the tuxes in order. Bridesmaid dress is a whole ‘nother kettle of fish! Even suits for guys are more complicated, but still easy.
Post # 12
Wow, this situation is so similar to my situation I had to make sure I didn’t post it myself. I had the same problem. My Fiance could’t choose between his two best friends to be the best man so he just didn’t ask anyone for the longest time. I finally convinced him to just have 2 best men. Hey, its our wedding and we can have it just the way we want. We are getting married in May and they were both happy to be his best men.
Post # 13
My fiance asked three groomsmen, but so far has not picked a best man. He doesn’t want to either. It doesn’t really matter to me, except I did remind him we’d need to have them stand in some kind of order (making the one closest to him seem like the “best man”). I suggest asking that he at least ask the people he has chosen and wait to make the best man decision until later. He just needs to ask “will you be in my wedding,” not “will you be my best man.” That will make it much easier for planning purposes!