(Closed) fiance & his parents want big wedding but dont to help pay for it

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would be honest with your fiance if it is bothering you.  You should be absolutely honest with each other.  One thing I love about my husband is I can be like “You’re pissing me off, stop that”  and vice versa, and that is the end of it.  Instead of letting it fester I say bring it up to him and maybe both of you talk to his parents.

Post # 4
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think that you and your Fiance need to have a serious talk about this.  They can’t just throw all the financial responsibility on your and your parents laps.  Your family shouldn’t be expected to go into debt over him and his parents ideas about what the wedding should be.  I really hope that you two can get this figured out, honestly I think that his parents shouldn’t really have a say because they aren’t paying for the wedding.  Maybe you should cut down some of your own guest list as well?  That is a lot of people that you are inviting which is adding to the cost.

Post # 6
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am sorry, this sounds frustrating. You mentioned his parents saying something about how its the brides family who pays for the wedding. Well, I would go somewhere like brides.com or the knot and look up what the groom’s family is supposed to pay for. Traditionally they pay for the honeymoon, rings, reception dinner, and other things. Are they helping with these? If not I would give them a list of who is “supposed to pay for what”. I don’t know that it would help but at least they wouldn’t have that excuse anymore. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hi there and welcome to the boards! I am sorry for all the stress you are going through. I recently read a statistic in the Vancouver Sun that the average amount a South Asian family spends on a wedding is anywhere from 40-60,000 dollars, so I definitely see where your concerns are coming in, even if you are not spending anywhere near that amount.

To me, your fiance’s behavior strikes me as a big red flag. It seems bizarre that after you have voiced your concerns numerous times, he seems to have an “I don’t care, it’s tradition” attitude. I imagine this must be so stressful for you and your parents!

here are a couple of links to information that may be helpful to you in convincing your Fiance and future in-laws about how the wedding could  be split so the burden doesn’t fall largely on your parents. The brides family DOESN’T pay for everything. One blog is about Hindu weddings, and the other is a link to a forum about Indian Weddings.

http://hindu.blogofstuff.com/wedding/hindu-wedding-wedding_budget83.html

http://www.weddingforums.in/who-pays-for-what-t3.html

Good luck!

 

Post # 9
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly, print your original post out and hand it to him. tell him this is a vent, but that this is how you often feel. It is hurting your relationship with him, and that is unacceptable.

Post # 10
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That’s completely unfair and I’m suprised your fiance is so unsympathetic. Its incredibly rude of your fils to be putting your family through all this. Unless you put your foot down they will continue to walk all over you and your parents. 

Post # 11
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you need to sit and talk to your Fiance about this. Let him know your parents have more weddings coming up and if they are “traditional” then break out the etiquette book that specifies what the groom’s side of the family pays for. I had to do this because FI’s parents are VERY traditional. 

Post # 12
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m not familiar with the customs of your wedding traditions other than the fact that they look the. most. amazing. fun. weddings. ever.

In regards to your FI’s family, if they haven’t offered any money and have all of these grandiose plans then they just need to shut the hell up.  They get no say whatsoever if they aren’t contributing.  NONE.

Good luck!!!

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