- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
i will try to make this as short as possible …
My fiance and I have been engaged for 6 months with the intent of waiting “a few years” before we got married. The reasons behind waiitng are 1) we want to live together for awhile before getting married. 2) it’s probably going to be “awhile” before we live together b/c we both needed to get better jobs & he messed up big time with credit card debt years ago and is trying to dig himself out. He also had a lot of medical bills to take care of. 3) my mom is on kidney dialysis and has other health problems that put her in the hospital for 3 months last fall/winter and she almost died like 3 times. 4) his dad died 2 years ago suddenly and tragically and his mother is a complete and total emotional, physical, mental and financial mess and he has no other family besides her.
So in spite of all of this CRAP we are still trying to move forward with our relationship. When we got engaged 6 months ago and said we’d wait a few years, my plan was that we’d set a date for around 2013, and move in together hopefully by early 2012, planning the wedding little by little in between. Unfortunately, my fiance thinks it’s ok to do no planning whatsoever and not move in together for, like, another year to year and a half. And any time I bring up the wedding he doesn’t take things seriously. He just jokes about it being “the girl’s day” and throws out all of these ridiculous themes and hill billy crap that I know he’s not serious about.
Even on the rare occassion that he DOES talk seriously about the wedding, he is shocked at how much weddings cost, even a “cheap” wedding like we’d be doing. I told him last night that a “cheap” wedding (that’s still nice with around 200 people) is probably going to cost between $5000 and $10,000. He flipped out sayng that we’ll never have the money for that. He thinks that the only way we can move out or get married is if he hits the lottery for millions of dollars. He doesn’t seem to understand that “poor” people get married all the time. He also has no idea how much things cost. When I told him the average costs of DJs, a photographer, a tux, etc, he couldn’t believe it. Even the cheap prices for crappy vendors he thinks is absurd.
He keeps talking about having a destination wedding, which I have NO desire to do for multiple reasons PLUS I think we’d end up spending even more on something like that.
I love my fiance so so much and I can not wait to live with him and marry him but every time we talk about this stuff we are on different planets with timing, budget, theme, decor, family stuff, job stuff, credit card stuff …. just everything. I am so overwhelmed and scared and frustrated and I don’t know what to do.
One day he says that he doesn’t want to be engaged for more than 3 years. Then the next day he says it’s going to take him 10 years to pay off his debt, etc, etc. I just don’t know what to tell him or what to do or how to move things along.
We’ve been through so much so I know we can get through this. I am willing to wait a little while for things but … I just don’t want 6 months to turn into 6 years and I don’t know how to tell him that without hurting him or pressuring him or … I just don’t know. I want to be excited about our next steps as a couple, not frustrated and under/overwhelmed.