- 7 years ago
I’m typing this out I think in part to gather my thoughts about it and in part because I am really struggling and could use some neutral advise.
Long story short, my fiance and I are both in love with different venues, and in some ways, different visions of what we want our wedding to be.
Backstory: We are grew up and now live in the same mid-atlantic city, and are really fortunate that our parents all still live here as well. The city we live in tends to be expensive, and venues that are not five figures at the get-go tend to book quickly (my first and second choice from my landscape scan were already booked for the time slot we wanted, over a year away, when I called to inquire about availability, for example). We are looking for a place that can fit at least 150 guests comfortably for a ceremony and a free flowing cocktail style reception, with a different space in between for a cocktail hour while we take photos and the room is flipped. It’s not an easy task.
My discussion of his pick and my pick is clearly biased, as you will see below:
My Pick: A reception hall with high vaulted ceilings that has a vibe between a church and a barn. There are beautiful gardens nearby where we can take photos and a patio and lawn area outside where we can set up for a cocktail reception that includes things like an outdoor bar, passed snacks, giant jenga, and cornhole for guests to hang out while the room is flipped and we take photos.
The hall is big enough for everyone on our guest list to fit comfortably and have a seat during the ceremony, and will easily accomedate the number we want for a cocktail reception. It’s still in the city, but removed from the city center and has its own parking lot
It has a relaxed vibe, while still being a beautiful, cute venue that we would dress up with string lights and paper lanterns. While neither my fiance and I are religious, we both come from Catholic backgrounds, and this particular spot would make both of our families happy as it does have a very church-like feel to it, without actually being a church.
My fiance’s issue with this venue is that he feels the outdoor space may be too small for people to comfortably spread out during the cocktail hour — which I agree with, but think it’s something we can adapt to with the right set up (1 small bar here, 1 small bar there, lawn games in another corner) to encourage people to spread out as much as possible. (Also, about 30 people will be gone at any given times for photos, also freeing up space.)
Here’s a photo:
His Pick: He’s more interested in a traditional, classic downtown venue. It’s gorgeous, with marble columns and art deco features everywhere. You would hardly need to decorate it, the space is classic and amazing on it’s own. It’s right downtown, and while there is zero parking, it’s very easy to get to by public transit or taxi.
While technically it’s larger than the venue I like if you are looking strictly at square footage, it’s divided into three rooms, and none of the three rooms could comfortably fit our whole party. For example, during the ceremony, we could only have chairs for approximately 50% of the guests we currently plan to invite, the rest of the party would have to stand, or not be able to see in the other room (his idea). People would also have to be standing in doorways and so on if they want to watch our first dance or see a cake cutting, listen to toasts, etc. The other option would be to dramatically cut down the guest list, but he has made it clear that he’s not willing to do that either, or at least, he’s not willing to cut anyone from his side of the family out of the list, so we wouldn’t really be able to invite many of our friends to make this work.
The idea that we are going to be cramming people into rooms at certain times like sardines really distresses me, but my fiance is so enamoured of the space that he doesn’t seem to think it’s that big a deal, especially given how lovely the space is.
I’m also not thrilled with a venue that feels more like a society wedding spot than what I want, but I could live with that except that it’s just not big enough.
Here’s are photoes of his pick:
So Bees, what to do?
I really don’t have a lot of heart to look at other venues — I feel like I’ve found something perfect that fits what I thought our vision was for a fun wedding, and don’t want to keep looking. Also, knowing my fiance, he’ll want to look for months and months before making a decision, and I don’t have the heart for that either/am so paranoid my perfect venue will get booked in the interim.
So should I suck it up and keep looking? Do we need to have a deeper conversation about what we want our wedding to be before continuing? Are there some magical words that I can say to help him understand my vision? (“I’m the bride and it’s my wedding” are not the magical words I am looking for, because I want him to love the venue too, and not to resent me for going with something he’s not feeling.)