(Closed) Fiance and I fell in love with different venues! help!

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You both need to decide on what’s most important. There will have to be compromise, either you, him or you both. 

Personally, I’d choose the venue where people won’t have to stand, it wouldn’t sit well (no pun intended) with me as a guest so I wouldn’t do it myself. 

Post # 3
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I really, really dislike the idea of splitting your guests up so that some of them can’t see.  Can you ask him to sit down with your guest list and decide who are the “lesser” ones who get pushed into the side room? Although I realise with a cocktail reception not a seated dinner it’s harder to get people where you want them.  Ask him how he’d feel if his mom gets stuck in the side room and can’t see the ceremony?  And it seems rather hypocritical of him to criticise “your” venue for lack of space, given the issue with “his” venue!

Post # 4
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

both venues look great and are unique, but his choice will not fit your guests comfortably. The space in his choice is a deal breaker in my mind. I would not want to split my guests up.

Post # 6
Hostess
4615 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

My fiance and I came across this issue too.  Ultimately, we thought it was rude to ask a large amount of our guests to stand.  Think about all the women in heels.  Even a short ceremony would be really uncomfortable.  Plus, to me it’s difficult to foster a fun “we’re all family!” vibe if people aren’t even all in the same room for the reception. 

Post # 7
Member
249 posts
Helper bee

I think I would ask him how he would feel if he took the time and effort to go to a friend’s wedding and then got sat in a room where he couldn’t even see the wedding or feel like part of the event.  It really is a terrible idea and I would be so pissed if I went to a wedding of a family member or friend and then I got delegated to one of the side rooms as if I was not important to them. I would feel like why bother inviting me at all?

I also think the space you like is more unique and has more of a wow factor.  The space he likes feels typical to me.  It looks like any number of hotel ballrooms and lobbies. 

Post # 9
Member
557 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
owlette22:  First of all, your pick is absolutely gorgeous

second….If I was invited to a wedding, arrived and realized I would have to stand or be in another room, not being able to see I would be pissed they invited me in the first place. Why invite guests to watch something where there won’t be room for them to watch the thing you invited them to watch. That really seems like a no-brainer to me. I would just as soon stay home and NOT see you get married rather than spending the money on a gift, getting dressed up, and showing up to NOT see you get married.

Post # 10
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
owlette22:  Ok so I know this probably won’t help you with your Fiance, but OMG the first venue (your pick) is amazing. Like if I lived anywhere near you I’d want to get married there! I presonally think it is soooo much nicer than your FI’s pick, and hardly needs any decoration. 

More importantly though, I very strongly agree with PPs: It is beyond rude to have people have to stand during a ceremony just because there isn’t enough space for chairs in the room, or to have some people in another room where they can’t even see! I think I would leave if I was segregated to a room where I had to strain to hear the vows. 

Now I’ve read some bees who are having standing ceremonies, but it makes sense. For example, a tiny guest list (10-15 close friends, siblings, parents) and it’s like in the woods, or a small hike up to the top of a waterfall or something. In your case, having a fairly large formal wedding and making people stand for what will probably be more than a 10 minute ceremony (and most women in heels) just does not seem ok.

Furthermore, there doesn’t really seem to be room in the “reception room” for dancing? Would everyone be able to dine in the same room? Cuz again, if not then the people shunted into a room that doesn’t include the headtable/you guys will likely feel very B-list.

Post # 11
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Sea Cider

View original reply
owlette22:  did you guys make a “wedding mission statement”? Fiance and I sat down and did one before booking ANYTHING (ours: “romantic, guest-centric wedding that stays on or under budget”), and when we get stuck between two (or more) options, we refer back to the mission statement, and pick out whichever option fits best.

Post # 12
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I think you guys should keep looking for a venue that you can both agree on.

Post # 13
Member
2202 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

You can’t book a place where everyone can’t sit in the room for your ceremony.

Post # 15
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
owlette22:  
View original reply
KiwiDerbyBride:  I think you are right on … he doesn’t see the issue with the splitting up right now cause he isn’t thinking about it in real terms — I would do a mock seating chart (you don’t need every exact person to be correct) and ask who is going to sit in the other rooms, what is going to happen to the “old aunts” when its time to dance (are they going to be squished in the corner with the band/dj trying to yell over them or totally excluded and stuck in a corner)

 

I have seen more than one room work (actually it was a loft & main floor so technically people could see the dance floor/hear speeches) but I think that you need to go into it was a real plan on how you will make it work for your family/guests

 

also I would probably look at a few more spots – maybe you limit it to 2 more and then decide if you are afraid it will take too long and never end

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