(Closed) Fiance and I want to buy a house, disagree on how to split expenses. help?

posted 5 years ago in Finances
  • poll: How should we split house expenses once FI has finished school?

    Proportional to income (1/3 fiance, 2/3 me)

    Half and half

    Other

  • Post # 2
    Member
    2332 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

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    raspberrybidet :   are you going to keep your finances separate, or combine them? How would you feel if you were asked to contribute half when he makes 2/3rds more than you? I am in the boat of paying proportional to income. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    1829 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Proportional to income is fair. 

    My Fiance and I set this up as soon as we moved it. It keeps us from feeling anyone is getting the short end of the stick. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    What works for my husband and I is having a joint account and separate personal accounts. Each month we get $200 each into our personal accounts to do whatever we want with (so we arent arguing about who spent money on lunch or clothes or coffee) and ALL the rest goes into either our joint checking and savings accounts.

    It makes it so it doesnt really matter who makes more money. Each of our income becomrs OUR joint income. Why does your Fiance want to pay less than 50%? So he can have more money to go towards what? When you get married all major purchases should be a joint decision so any extra money he is saving should be considered yours too.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1409 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    If it’s going to be “fair” then everything has to be fair.  I agree that proportional to income is fair, but what is his plan for the up-front costs you fronted?

    Post # 6
    Member
    614 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

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    raspberrybidet :  You eventually will need to stop thinking of things as “his money vs. my money” in a marriage everything should be viewed as “our money”.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4380 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

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    raspberrybidet :  so i will tell you how my DH and I do things and I hope this can help you somewhat…

    we bought a house in 2013 before we were married or engaged. We both split the downpayment and closing costs..

    from the minute we purchased the house we chose to split the mortgage, taxes, homeowners insurance, heating/electricity/water/cable 50/50.. Even though I make significantly (about $40,000 annually) less than him I like to contribute 50%.. But That’s just me.

    What is nice is that if we go out to dinner, movies, bar, party, or have a necessity for the house, such as food/dog bills my DH always pays. 

    I know a lot of couples decide to split finances based on their income, which is completely fine as well, this is what we came up with and it works for us..

    i think you both need to communicate how you feel and compromise until you come up with a solution that you both feel comfortable with. Money is sometimes a tense issue so tread lightly…

    Post # 8
    Member
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I don’t really believe in separating things like that once your married, but I do think that if you’re going to do that, proportional to income is what is fair, regardless of you paying the downpayment. I do think that it’s reasonable to take the downpayment into account in a prenup though. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    4835 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

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    raspberrybidet :  The key question to me is whether you plan to combine finances after marriage.  If your wedding in a few months and you’re combining finances afterwards I just wouldn’t worry about it. 

    However, I’m guessing that you wouldn’t be asking if that was the game plan. If you plan to keep your finances seperate for the time being I’d do this:

    – Continue to split household expenses proportionally based on income.  

    – Since he can’t afford the downpayment and closing costs right now, make an arrangement for him to pay you back for half on a budget that he can afford.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    9152 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

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    raspberrybidet :  honestly I wouldn’t buy the house with him. You have the downpayment and can afford it. He wouldn’t be buying a house if not for you. Buy it yourself and have him pay rent until you are married and then join all the finances together. 

    And if you do still buy with him make sure you have a legal document drawn up by a lawyer outlining who gets what in the event you break up before the wedding and sell the house.

    Post # 11
    Member
    163 posts
    Blushing bee

    I know I’m in the minority here. When I graduate I’ll make much more (about triple) than my fiancé. We’re going to do half and half and will live in an affordable price range for him. I think if you’re demanding a house out of his price range you should make it proportional to income but if he can afford half and half that’s how it should be. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1029 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I now pronounce you man and wife..meaning, you’re partners in life. Finances are no different. What happens when one of you can’t work?

     

     

    Money is hard. Getting on the same page is hard sometimes. But do you really want to go through your marriage nickel and diming eachother?

     

     

    Have you heard of Dave Ramsey? Check out Financial Peace University. Fiancé and I went through that two years ago as a dating couple. He has a lot of student loan debt and wanted to get a better handle on it. But as soon as we’re married, my savings will go straight to his debt. We have goals, and to achieve them we have to work together. I just don’t see how that would be possible with separate bank accounts.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee

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    emmabird :  Agreed. 

    OP, I think it’s unrealistic to keep thinking of his vs. mine. It might give you the veneer of independence but it’s false. As time goes on it’s more and more trouble than it’s worth to keep doing this separate back and forth thing. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2067 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    LilliV :  I agree with you.

    For me this wouldn’t be about “fair” it would be about what the two of you decide works for you as a couple.  Since you are not married I would just buy the house and have him pay rent.  My personal preference is for combining finances after marriage so for me once you get married you would just have joint accounts anyway.  If you are not going to have joint accounts then still, it is up to what you decide.  Right  for you might be proportional or might be that you make more money so you keep more for yourself and you each pay equal for the house. 

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    869 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

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    raspberrybidet :  I would wait a little longer to buy a home until you both can contribute equally without feeling guilty about it… Me and my husband do 60/40 he makes a significantly a lot more money than me and honestly doing things that way aren’t making him go bankrupt.. I may be judged by a lot of bees because it isn’t 50/50 but in your case your the bread winner If i was in your shoes I would pay more until he gets raises or a better job in the future and reverse things for a year or two to make up for everything you paid for. Then maybe split it down the middle after you feel things have been fair to one another… What do you think of that? 

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