(Closed) Fiance and Mother relationship — a bit creepy?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would think going there for lunch everyday is a bit much, I have to say we live in a different country now then my FI’s parents so I do not see them interact that much but when they do it is not like that.

Post # 4
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yikes – That sounds a tad creepy.  If it doesnt affect your relationship, I would definitely not say a word.  That sounds like something my guy would be very defensive over, especially if they are really close. 

Is he the youngest or last to marry?  Does she treat her other children like this?

Post # 5
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hmm… I would find that a little strange.

My fiance’s family is much closer than mine. I’m in the same sort of situation as you are – we talk plenty and I see them maybe twice a month. But we go for dinner at my fiance’s house once a week and they feel like they never see us. They call us all the time and invite us over for dinner all the time. They constantly drop hints that we should move down the street from them.

Its strange trying to fit into a different family culture. How old are you guys? Playing with his hair and rubbing his feet seems too weird. But… you said that your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law don’t really get along. Maybe she just misses giving and receiving affection? If she doesn’t have a man in her life who she can hug and massage and just be affectionate with… that’s probably why she gives so much affection to her son. Although it would weird me out too, it probably isn’t sexual or overly intimate to them.

Post # 6
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yuck, I think this sounds creepy. I don’t have any experience with super close families, but you might want to search for some of the older threads on mama’s boys or creepy FMILs. Some women have had really bad experiences with FMILs who were overly touchy/feely with their sons, to the point where the relationship ended over it. Not AT ALL saying that that’s what’s going on here but you will probably find a lot of good perspectives!

Post # 7
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Yikes.  Nasty..

How does he reply?  Has he ever said or insinuated anything else?  I wouldn’t think he would even if something bad happened previously.  I understand affection, but hm…this seems much.

Post # 8
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

too much, too much!!!!

those are things you do with little boys–tickle their feet, snuggle on them excessively. IMO, strange with grown men.

Post # 10
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m sorry but that’s not weird at all to me. My family is very close and very affectionate. It’s just the way we are. You should be happy that he comes from a loving family, instead of a mean, nasty, rude family.

Post # 11
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@bunnyb12: Maybe try not showing him affection around her and she will stop? 

Post # 12
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I watched my BIL’s mom be strangely affectionate with him (ie: holding his hand, etc.) and my Mother-In-Law is awkwardly affectionate with her son.  They don’t talk as much as yours and she leaves me alone – but I will never get used to the physical affection.  I think it’s bizarre.  (Granted, in my family, we barely hug each other… so it’s completely different).

Post # 13
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That is a bit too much. If Mr. Shef would allow his mom to be like that I am afraid she would be. Something about moms and their boys…

Post # 14
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think it’s wierd either. Not what I grew up with, but not creepy.

Post # 15
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@bunnyb12: My Fiance is that close with his mother…in fact, I’ve often considered posting the same thread here myself.  He doesn’t talk to her on the phone as often, but he does use the same tone with her that he often does with me, and calls her some of the same nicknames, and ends conversations with “I love you, mommy.  So much,” and stuff like that, which really weirds me out.  They hold hands while watching tv and she rubs her fingers through his hair and gives him back massages and all that.  Yes, it definitely weird me out, but I am certain that it’s not a sign of anything more insidious because I basically know every last thing about my Fiance and know a good deal about his mother as well.  Their relationship is really weird, and I think Fiance lets her control his life a tad too much, and I think she’s kind of crazy and has issues about losing loved ones and clinging to her only child, but I don’t see anything extremely harmful about it so I just let it go.

Does their relationship get in the way of the one you have with Fiance at all?  Do you have any reason to suspect there may be some sort of abuse at work?  If yes, I’d talk to him about it.  If not, I’d just keep my mouth shut and do my best to ignore it.

Post # 16
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

As I read it I was like wow that’s crazy. Then I started laughing my Future Mother-In-Law is the exact same way. She is obsessed with us I feel like sometimes.  She will rub FI’s feet and play with his hair too.  She will just stop by, a couple times a week. She calls and texts at least one of us every day.

I read this to my Fiance as he’s sitting next to me on the couch and he started laughing. He said, “gosh that sounds just like my mom” and then he laughed. Has your Fiance said that he thinks her behaivor is strange?

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