Post # 1
I decided to post some of my questions on another name because I posted my engagement photos on this site and do not want anyone internet savy to track any negative comments on my Fiance or his famly back to me! You understand…
Let me start by saying my family is very normal. Nothing too extreme one way or the other. Very supportive people, will help me do anything in a heartbeat. I see them about once or twice a month – email them frequently, talk on phone frequently — I live about 2 hours away from them….normal family birthday parties and christmas… honestly – nothing to complain about. Hug and kiss goodbye…. love you on the phone..normal stuff.
My FIs family is VERY close – I see them about twice a week, sometimes more — and he goes there every day for lunch, goes to all of the nephews and neices sporting events…etc etc. SHe has always been a stay at home mom and her and my Fiance’s father have an awful relatioship where they are totally focusing on kids and grandkids and don’t really even like eachother —BUT whole family is very supportive of eachother….Mr. Bunnyb talks on the phone with his mom probably twice a day..she calls me every other day and texts me… Way too much family interaction in my opinion but…to each their own, I suppose. It doesnt really affect me and Mr. Bunnyb so — I guess I dont care…
HOWEVER— I find his relationship with his mother a little creepy at times. I will sit on the couch next to my Fiance, holding hands. His mom will sit on the other side and play with his hair….. Or if he is laying on the couch, she will sit at the end of the couch – even though there are a lot of seats available – and tickle his feet or rub his leg……. she once told me she wishes her boys would grow their hair longer so she could run her fingers through it…. ( I just gagged a little)
Is this normal with uber close families ? Or do you agree – that this is creepy?
Post # 3
I would think going there for lunch everyday is a bit much, I have to say we live in a different country now then my FI’s parents so I do not see them interact that much but when they do it is not like that.
Post # 4
Yikes – That sounds a tad creepy. If it doesnt affect your relationship, I would definitely not say a word. That sounds like something my guy would be very defensive over, especially if they are really close.
Is he the youngest or last to marry? Does she treat her other children like this?
Post # 5
Hmm… I would find that a little strange.
My fiance’s family is much closer than mine. I’m in the same sort of situation as you are – we talk plenty and I see them maybe twice a month. But we go for dinner at my fiance’s house once a week and they feel like they never see us. They call us all the time and invite us over for dinner all the time. They constantly drop hints that we should move down the street from them.
Its strange trying to fit into a different family culture. How old are you guys? Playing with his hair and rubbing his feet seems too weird. But… you said that your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law don’t really get along. Maybe she just misses giving and receiving affection? If she doesn’t have a man in her life who she can hug and massage and just be affectionate with… that’s probably why she gives so much affection to her son. Although it would weird me out too, it probably isn’t sexual or overly intimate to them.
Post # 6
Yuck, I think this sounds creepy. I don’t have any experience with super close families, but you might want to search for some of the older threads on mama’s boys or creepy FMILs. Some women have had really bad experiences with FMILs who were overly touchy/feely with their sons, to the point where the relationship ended over it. Not AT ALL saying that that’s what’s going on here but you will probably find a lot of good perspectives!
Post # 7
How does he reply? Has he ever said or insinuated anything else? I wouldn’t think he would even if something bad happened previously. I understand affection, but hm…this seems much.
Post # 8
too much, too much!!!!
those are things you do with little boys–tickle their feet, snuggle on them excessively. IMO, strange with grown men.
Post # 9
@beekiss2: He doesnt — he barely hugs his parents – it is all her.
@HoyaLawya2010: I am going to look into that — I would love to hear the ridiculous stories they have!
@PrairieGirl: We are mid twenties — I have never thought about it like that — maybe she does miss giving affection… good perspective!
@klb2748: He is the youngest but not the last to marry.
I just think it is odd. I don’t view it as a sexual thing but it is just really strange to me. My fiance barely notices when she is touching him. But what grosses me out is when I am touching him somehow and she comes and sits on the other side of him and touches him somehow too — like we are competing or something!
Post # 10
I’m sorry but that’s not weird at all to me. My family is very close and very affectionate. It’s just the way we are. You should be happy that he comes from a loving family, instead of a mean, nasty, rude family.
Post # 11
@bunnyb12: Maybe try not showing him affection around her and she will stop?
Post # 12
I watched my BIL’s mom be strangely affectionate with him (ie: holding his hand, etc.) and my Mother-In-Law is awkwardly affectionate with her son. They don’t talk as much as yours and she leaves me alone – but I will never get used to the physical affection. I think it’s bizarre. (Granted, in my family, we barely hug each other… so it’s completely different).
Post # 13
That is a bit too much. If Mr. Shef would allow his mom to be like that I am afraid she would be. Something about moms and their boys…
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s wierd either. Not what I grew up with, but not creepy.
Post # 15
@bunnyb12: My Fiance is that close with his mother…in fact, I’ve often considered posting the same thread here myself. He doesn’t talk to her on the phone as often, but he does use the same tone with her that he often does with me, and calls her some of the same nicknames, and ends conversations with “I love you, mommy. So much,” and stuff like that, which really weirds me out. They hold hands while watching tv and she rubs her fingers through his hair and gives him back massages and all that. Yes, it definitely weird me out, but I am certain that it’s not a sign of anything more insidious because I basically know every last thing about my Fiance and know a good deal about his mother as well. Their relationship is really weird, and I think Fiance lets her control his life a tad too much, and I think she’s kind of crazy and has issues about losing loved ones and clinging to her only child, but I don’t see anything extremely harmful about it so I just let it go.
Does their relationship get in the way of the one you have with Fiance at all? Do you have any reason to suspect there may be some sort of abuse at work? If yes, I’d talk to him about it. If not, I’d just keep my mouth shut and do my best to ignore it.
Post # 16
As I read it I was like wow that’s crazy. Then I started laughing my Future Mother-In-Law is the exact same way. She is obsessed with us I feel like sometimes. She will rub FI’s feet and play with his hair too. She will just stop by, a couple times a week. She calls and texts at least one of us every day.
I read this to my Fiance as he’s sitting next to me on the couch and he started laughing. He said, “gosh that sounds just like my mom” and then he laughed. Has your Fiance said that he thinks her behaivor is strange?