Post # 1
Our wedding is in 10 days. My Fiance has been acting really withdrawn. Barely talking to me, no physical contact for the last 3 days. I asked him what’s wrong and he says he’s had bad anxiety he doesn’t know what from for the last month and it’s gotten really bad in the last week, he’s never anxious. A week ago is when we filed the marriage license and 4 days ago is when I went and picked up the official document. This just seems to fit the timing of events to closely. I don’t know what to do. I asked if it was me or the wedding and he just says I don’t know what it is. I’m not sure what I can do or say to help him. Anyone else have an anxious groom?9
Post # 2
Not the groom, but me. Has he had anxiety before? I just went through a month where I was not myself. I was down and I wanted to be alone. I still worked and took care of my daughter so it wasn’t a crisis but I was very down and uninterested in my usual activities.
I saw my psychiatrist and we changed one of my dosages of my meds and almost a week later, I’m feeling back to myself.
I don’t feel the stress consciously but she said even good stress, like an upcoming wedding, can affect you negatively. Mine started the day after my bridal shower.
Given that you are so close to your wedding, he really could be anxious but it might not have to do with marrying you. He might not understand what is wrong, I didn’t understand, I just knew I was down and not myself.
If he’s not telling you that he’s worried about marriage, take him at his word and just be there for him.
Post # 3
Gosh, I am sorry you are going through this. I have not been married yet so I don’t know what to suggest. I am guessing a bit of cold feet is normal but he seems to be totally shutting you out. I would probably say to my other half – look, what happens to you happens to me. If you are having anxiety about the wedding, let us talk about it as a couple, because that is what getting married is all about. I am here to support you when you need it, just like you support me when I need it. So spill the beans and together we can make it better.
Post # 4
Like Sansa85 :
I too have just been through a period of anxiety. I could think of a few things that realistically I could be worried about but no single cause, and I genuinely couldn’t explain why I was so anxious. I’m not sure whether it was a symptom or a potential cause, but I’d gone from being 100% certain about getting married to not knowing how I felt at all. I couldn’t tell my Fiance that! Instead, I reached out to a close friend who I knew would be a good listener and provide sound advice if I wanted it. Ultimately I’ve had to work it out for myself, and I have, but the couple of weeks in the thick of it were awful.
I did explain some of what I thought might be contributing to my Fiance, and he was really good. We spent a lot of time together just curled up on the couch watching TV, as once I realised I was isolating myself, I went the opposite way and became really clingy. Mostly, Fiance was just there and he didn’t pressure me whilst I worked it out.
Your Fiance might benefit from writing it down (even if he destroys the paper afterwards) or talking to somebody whether that’s you, a friend or somebody else.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope it works out for you both.
Post # 5
I think msbeer had great suggestions. It’ll be worse if he internalises all this inside himself. It’s probably his response to dealing with nerves and if it’s addressed now then it could bode well to the stresses of married life.
Post # 6
I am also a few short days from our Wedding Date, and have always suffered from social anxiety. As the day creeps near, all of the planning had not prepared me for the feeling I have been having. My experience may differ but maybe it will help your situation none the less.
I LOVE my Fiance, and I absolutely have no doubts about marrying him. But that does not stop me from having tightness in my chest, and a spinning head when I think of our big day creeping closer and closer.
I think the best think he as done so far is just handeling anything that I have not been able to. I have been getting home from work and diving into wedding lists, crossing out what I was able to for that day. Making plans on what we will have to do this weekend since it is our last weekend before the wedding.. etc. He has not blinked an eye at cooking dinner, cleaning up after,wards and taking over whatever is giving me the most issue.
The best thing you can do right now is be a super supportive partner to your man.
Post # 7
I had anxiety for about 6 month before the wedding. It was not about marrying him… it was about my crazy family… and me being really freaked out that there will be drama and it will ruin the wedding.
ETA: I was also vwry self concious (plus size) and that wasnt helping the anxiety, I was having social anxiety cause I hate being the centre of attention.
Maybe your Fiance is socially anxious?