Post # 47
I work for a jeweler and know that most jewelers have a trade in policy. If he has the original reciepts for it this might be your best bet! This way the original purchase doesn’t go to waste and you will feel better. Call or stop by the store of the original purchase and find out! Some jewelers also accept outside trades.
And ladies by the way, your rings can be just as gross as your shoes. We call it ring cheese.
Post # 48
Sounds like his is going to be getting a nicer band than you! That’s not cool at all!
“If you could’ve had one just as nice and brand new for the same price, I’d be upset.” Oh yeah!
Another good option, too.
Post # 49
@weddingadvice99: I don’t think the “used” ring is the problem…there are options for you there including the suggestions about using the gold & stones and re-designing it. He could have taken it to a jewlers to be polished up before he gave it to you, but probably didn’t want to spend the money. You have a much bigger issue to consider…
Frugal is one thing and cheap is another. Cheap is not nice or fun to live with. Lying about being cheap when it comes to your woman’s e-ring = totally unacceptable, red-flag behavior.
If income is not a problem, and he behaves this way now – there either should be some intervention/counseling happening or reconsider a life with this man. No kidding. I lived with cheap for 25 years and it was not only constantly disappointing personally in gifts, but often embarrassing socially when he’d never pick up a check or even ask guests for money. Then he accused me of being a spend-thrift and irresponsible financially! For example, I spent too much money on groceries so he had to take over grocery shopping. Taking the kids to the doctor was considered a waste of money. Talking about household finances was always a nightmare and post-divorce is a never-ending horror when it comes to contibuting to his daughter’s life. Please think long and hard about entering into a marriage with a cheap man.
Post # 50
That was the most shocking thing to me as well!!
OP: the scratches go away after they are polished… and while I would be ok with a second hand ring, I think it is understandable / respectable that you dont. If you cant get over it after it gets resised / polished, then tell your Fiance
Post # 52
I think that there are nice rings on ebay for decent prices.
Post # 53
Why not? Stores charge a huge mark up. If it’s just an emotional reaction to buying second hand then I think it’s silly. If you don’t like the ring, independantly of whether or not it is second hand, then that’s different. If you just don’t like the scratches, you should ask him to pay for a replate and polish. Problem solved!
Post # 54
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a “used” ring as long as both parties know what it is going in. The fact that he tried to hide it at first shows that he was embarrassed and felt bad about it. Clearly he knew he should have talked to you about how you felt about it in the first place.
Post # 55
I sense that the bigger issue here is that you continually feel like you have received used items because of your FI’s frugality. I wouldn’t be happy about that either.
That said, I have a used eternity ring that my Fiance got at an amazing deal, and I think for the purposes of thinking of this ring, maybe you should be glad that he got a great deal, because the mark-up’s are pretty terrible.
But I do think it would be worth while for you to sit down with him and have a discussion about proper gift giving etiquette (in a very nice and delicate way), and just tell him that some things (like sneakers) are more appropriate to be bought and gifted new. Also, the jewlery with the ex thing would probably make my skin boil personally. I might accept it if he gave it to me before he ever gave it to the ex, but even then, I sort of doubt.
Post # 56
I wouldn’t worry about then being used. Why does it matter what happened to the rings before you got them? They’re yours now and you will make a lifetime of memories wearing them. I agree that he shouldn’t have lied, but don’t be upset that they’re used.
Post # 57
@weddingadvice99: He bought you used running shoes? Gulp.
Personally I would never be able to live with an overly frugal man, it’s just not in me. I’m so sorry for you. I also can’t believe he’d give you jewelry he’d bought for an ex, either. Frugal and financially careful is one thing, cheap and stingy is another. This may not be what you want to hear, but I wish you good luck with this, I’d never be able to handle it.
In my opinion if he wants to be “frugal” he should be frugal only with himself. If he wants to wear secondhand shoes or whatever, let him wear them. If he wants every single personal thing he ows to be second-hand, that’s fine – for him.
But when it comes to him giving gifts to the woman he loves – he should man up, save up, and go the extra mile for something new.
Unless you’ve agreed together about thrift store, ebay or used on certain items he has no right to push you into that. I’ve been financially strapped in the past, believe me, and did my share of thrift store shopping for my own clothing when I was younger. Because I had to! But I NEVER gave anyone a second-hand gift, ever. I just don’t think it’s right to do that.
Post # 58
Eh I’ve bought and sold used shoes on ebay, really rare sought after ones that have been out of stock a long time. In fact my sister’s Christmas present this year is an extremely rare pair of shoes in excellent condition (I can’t tell they’ve been worn at all but the seller said they were used). It can be groddy if they’re not in good condition but if you really really REALLY want them and used is all that’s left because they’re sold out, it’s not *that* bad.
A ring though? No. Not because it’s groddy because it’s used, but because he’s being cheap and lying about it. Sell it on ebay and use the $ to get something new, even if it’s smaller and less expensive.
Post # 59
I agree that a talk might be in order with you Fiance. It sounds like he has given you used items in the past, and you’ve accepted them without making a huge fuss. While I have no problems with buying things used, you don’t give them as gifts. Your not being unreasonable for not wanting to wear used sneakers or a ring out of a failed relationship.
Again, I would have no problem with a used ring per say. For example, I would love an antique that had been worn by a loving couple. However, a ring that was made a year ago with for a couple that brok up? No. Particularly as he is now buying himself the best and your resenting it. Your stuck wearing this ring the rest of your life. Unless you think your feelings are going to dramatically change, do you really want to resent him for a used ring for the remainder of your marriage?
I had a friend in a similar situation to you. Her fiance cheaped out and bought her a ring from a friend of a friend. It was ugly and uncomfortable. Eventually, she told him she didn’t like it and they returned it and got something new. It created a little drama at the time, as he wsa upset that she didn’t like it. However, like your fiance, he also felt a little guilty because he knew the ring was subpar. In the long run, it has not been an issue. She has a ring she likes and he doesn’t think of it.
Tell him you don’t want the ring and pick out something you do like together. Its not the end of the world.
Post # 60
I would sell it and then have a serious conversation about lying and gift-giving. OP said she could have gotten the same ring same price new online. The lie and cheapness (without even getting a steal!) would taint the ring to me.
Post # 61
Dunno, wouldn’t bother me. I’d see it as money saved that we can put toward the wedding/honeymoon. I love a great value.
I told my Fiance ahead of time that I was fine with used or antique rings because after trying to re-sell a ring for someone else a few months ago I realized how low you have to go to sell them somethines. It’s really incredible ssavings over buying new.