(Closed) Fiance bought engagement and wedding rings on e-bay used :-(

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 62
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Take the stones out, have them set in a setting after trading in the old one and the ring will be more your taste and style and technically new. After all, diamonds are technically all ‘old’ anyway so the only thing ‘new’ about a ring is really the setting 🙂

 

Post # 63
Member
4712 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

View original reply
@strawbabies:  +1

and I would be more worried he lied to me then having used rings 🙁

Post # 64
Member
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@weddingadvice99:  Rings aside, it sounds like you have a bigger problem with his ways of being frugal. Money can be the biggest issue in marriage.  If you’re not okay with the way he chooses to be frugal now, that won’t change with marriage.  I encourage you to discuss how money will be managed in your marriage.

Post # 65
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

He’s a bit of a miser.

He’s going to be like this for the rest of your lives. One of my relatives is like this and his wife has to literally badger him into spending the appropriate amount of money for things for their family. And it is NOT because money is tight, or because she wants to spend it on ridiculous things. She succeeds, when it counts. But he’ll always be that way, it’ll always be a battle for her. 

Can you find the right ratio of badgering-to-miserliness that doesn’t drive either one of you crazy? The couple in my family I just mentioned seems to have done it. They’ve been married… I think happily… for years. Personally I would tear my hair out. My Fiance is not like that at all… I’m the more conservative spender.

Post # 66
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@weddingadvice99:  

This sounds like a tough situation.

My situation is similar but not exactly the same.  I knew what kind of ring I wanted.  I got exactly what I wanted, but it ended up that the ring was pre-owned.  I don’t care at all!  I love it more than I could ever imagine!

I think our situations are different though.  Before he proposed I told him as long as I got what I wanted, I didn’t care where the ring came from (pawn shop, internet, etc).  Also, my ring was re-sized, re-dipped, and made special for me by the jewelry store.

Maybe it will be okay for you to keep the rings if you make them special for you.  Maybe the jewelry store can take out the scratches.  However, I would talk to your fiance about how he lied to you and also express to him how sometimes it means a lot more if a gift is purchased new with you in mind (as in, he should have never given you the jewelry meant for his ex).

Hope you can find a solution!

Post # 67
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

If you like the ring and received the same ring new, how does it being “used” make any difference? We bought my insert for my solitaire used.  It was half the price of the new ring and it looked brand new! When you get it resized, get it polished and plated! However, I think he should have done that before he gave you the ring so it looked brand spakin’ new.

Post # 68
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@joya_aspera:  He is DEFINITELY a miser!  Perfect description.

 

Anyway, I can definitely see how you’re upset with this.  I’m all for vintage rings and SO and I actually discussed going that route but we didn’t.  Key words there of course, are that SO AND I… not just him.  I think it is extremely rude that your Fiance lied to you about this and it’s just weird.  I don’t have much to add that PP haven’t already said, but definitely be cautious about a future with someone like this.  Perhaps he had good intentions, but you might be setting yourself up for constant disappointments in the future.  I wish you luck <3

Post # 69
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you actually like the ring itself then I don’t see that it should be a big issue. Means you get better jewels for less cash. I would personally have been fine with a 2nd hand ring because of that. People aren’t going to know unless you told them. 

I have just had my ring resized after wearing it for a year and it looks good as new! All the scratches are gone and the bottom the the ring has its shine back. This may well happen once yours have been resized.

The “like-new” trainers are icky though. And the ex’s jewellery is another no-no.

Post # 70
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think this is a problem. It sounds like a fundamental difference of opinion on how money should be spent. He’s into being frugal – I buy lots of things on Amazon and eBay! – while you’re into getting brand new things. 

He should’ve had the ring polished up for you. But, he’s a guy – he doesn’t think about these things. So take it to a jewelry shop and have them clean it up – it’ll look brand new when it comes back to you. I have white gold jewelry redipped in rhodium when it fades and it comes back to me smooth as butter. 

If you have a problem with the ring’s style, that’s another issue…

Post # 71
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

The used part wouldn’t bother me. There’s no bad vibes/energy/etc. attached to the ring. People drive used cars and buy previously owned homes without a second thought. To me, a ring is no different.

However…the lying is what I’d have issue with.

Post # 72
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@joya_aspera:  This.

So if I’m reading the OP right, they are getting him a new wedding band with diamonds?  That is. . . really lame.

It’s one thing to receive an heirloom piece or something of quality like an estate piece or pre-loved Pricescoper’s ring.  It’s quite another to receive some random used jewelry from eBay.  It’s telling that he would do this even knowing her preferences and then lie about it.  These are red flags that extend beyond just the issue of a used ring.

I used to date someone who was on the miserly side of frugalness.  It is not something I could do for an extended period of time.  Not only was he miserly in his money, he was miserly in everything else.

Post # 73
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I think your fiance was smart! He got a good deal so you could get more ring. Don’t fault him for saying he got it from a store. He was probably embarrassed. He loves you and proposed. The ring doesn’t matter. Congrats!!!

Post # 74
Member
9124 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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@weddingadvice99:  It’s something you’ll wear forever (hopefully), so I think you’re justified to get something that doesn’t bother you.  Do you know if it can be returned to the seller?  Hopefully you and your fiance can communicate calmly about stuff like this… I’d tell him how it’s bothering you, in particular the scratches.  (I can kinda understand that – it’s not like it’s your family’s history written out in the scratches, it’s some random chick who broke up with her fiance and has a damaged ring.)  If you guys can afford it, which it sounds like you can, it’s reasonable to get something that makes you really happy.  But maybe try the re-dipping that others are suggsting?  It may fix all the scratches, and then if you love the design of the ring, it will soon become YOURS not hers.

Post # 75
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just get them repolished. They’ll look brand new. 

Post # 76
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Step 1: speak with your fiance. It’s obvious in your posts that you feel like he is “too frugal” with certain things. This issue will come up again in your marriage, so better you lay your feelings on the table about it now. 

Step 2: speak with you fiance about the ring and decide TOGETHER what you can do to make it the ring you want to wear forever. If that means taking the diamonds and resetting it in a different style, or just having it buffed and polished so the scratches disappear then do that. Maybe have your fiance think of a thoughful saying or word to have engraved inside the ring. That way it is now truly ‘your’ ring. 

 

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