(Closed) Fiance bought engagement and wedding rings on e-bay used :-(

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 77
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I dunno if this has been answered yet but how “used” were these running shoes.  We’re they out of the box and never worn or actually run in?  Run in shoes are a problem because it could actually hurt you.

I don’t really see used rings as a problem.  It’s sort of like shopping at an estate sale.  You can get an amazing older piece for the fraction of what it costs now or get something that isn’t even made anymore.  But I guess he didn’t really save much as you have mentioned by getting it on ebay, that is a bummer.  

Here’s the question though.  Were you upset about it before you found out it was on ebay?  And did you know that they’re are several places online were you could get a used diamond band for him.  Honestly, I would mention that you guys can get a much better deal on his diamond band at a pawn shop, online or even at Walmart (if he’s okay with silver).  

I wouldn’t be mad at the used bit but I would be pissed off if it turned out he went straight to ebay for your ring and now you have to go put a ton of effort into his so he can get what he wants.  Then that’s messed up.

Honestly I would just sit there and tell him how you feel.  FI was honest with me about my ring.  I wanted a certain thing he wasn’t sure he could afford it.  I was never too thrilled with the Jewelry Exchange but thought well they have nice diamonds and that’s all we need so I gave the okay and that’s what he did.  He would have never went behind my back and got it from somewhere like a pawn shop or ebay unless he knew I was okay with that first.

Your Fiance has given you used gifts over and over again and some even unappropriately used gifts.  Depending on how used the running shoes were okay.  Exes jewelry totally not okay (if the ex never wore it and had it laying around he should have taken an ebay cue and sold it there).  A used ring well eh.  

You seem to like the ring, and it seems like he didn’t cheap out on you in anyway other than that it was used.  But I would still sit down and talk to him altough I’m not sure how that can be said without sounding wrong.

I would like to know my Fiance went through the effort of finding me something I liked (at a great price) and then wouldn’t mind turning around and putting effort into his. But I can see how buying that from ebay and handing it to you all scratched and not in the right size can feel like no effort was made.

When Fiance brought my ring home (now with a diamond it in) they had polished and cleaned it (its 60 years old).  It would have been nice if your Fiance had a least put the effort in to polish it before it was presented.  Then again if he had polished it it could have been perceived as more deceitful.  And another thing is he went and got it from ebay and it seems that he either thought you would be upset so he tried to keep it a secret.  You are going to wear the ring forever too why should yours come from ebay and his come from a store?

I’d try to tell him something along the lines of well we can get your ring used too and I’d prefer to save the money.  If he indicates thats not good enough for him then you know you have a problem, if he says okay then there’s no feeling left out.

Post # 78
Member
977 posts
Busy bee

Maybe your Fiance didn’t research buying diamond rings. I’d suggest to him upgrading or something.  Talk to him and see what he has to say. That’s all you can do. Talk and make a decision 

Post # 79
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

It’s one thing to look into used rings in an effort to get your loved one the best ring possible for a set pricepoint. It’s another thing entirely to lie about it. He probably knew based on your reaction to used shoes that it wasn’t going to fly well if he admitted right away that this was an eBay find, thus why he hid that fact and said it came from a jewelry store.

And the jewelry for his ex/used running shoes? Huh uh. There’s nothing wrong with hand me downs, but USED SHOES when you can afford a new pair and jewelry he bought for a different woman?? Big no-nos.

What I find upsetting was the lie, because it tells me he probably knew that you’d be upset with a used ring from a failed relationship, pretty as it may be. I’d be having a big discussion about our spending habits. It sounds like you’re frugal, but he takes it to the extreme of “cheap” – a balance needs to be found.

Then I would get him a gaudy, dated 80s pimp ring from a pawn shop for HIS band and talk about what a steal it was…jk, lol, etc.

Post # 80
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@weddingadvice99:  I think you’re over reacting, he still spent time and effort picking out a ring meant for you, regardless of it being used.

I would be annoyed by the lie, but you clearly have issues with him buying things used and he knew you would over react this way over it. 

E-rings are expensive, you say yourself that this man prefers to be frugal, that is part of who he is and who you fell in love with. Being upset over this is quite petty in the grand scheme of it all.

Post # 81
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Hmm… the running shoes thing is gross! If you were a runner, using shoes that had already been worn down to some extent by a previous owner could be dangerous and cause you injury. And it’s kind of gross.

Giving you jewelery that was meant for his ex, that’s wrong.

I don’t see a problem with buying a used engagment set, but he should’ve taken it to be cleaned and polished. If it’s white gold, they could’ve re-rhodium plated it and you never would’ve known it was used. The fact that he lied about it too is an issue.

Good luck.

Post # 82
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Polishing them will make them look brand new. Ive done that with some of my rings, they look so good when they are done, you’d never know they were worn!

Me personally Id be ok with used, many jewelers sell used rings. It be a shame for nice jewelry to go to waste because someone broke up and moved on. The rings should move on as well. Its the thought that counts for me. However the lie is what would bother me.

Post # 83
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

You should have the stones reset. Then it will be new as far as anyone could tell- a lot of diamonds you buy don’t come straight from the mine, anyway. At least then it won’t be scratched from someone else’s use! 

Just a warning: My dad was like this- he would buy presents like that, or take her out on a date and not order anything himself because he didn’t want to pay, etc. My mom hated it because it made her feel like he didn’t want to spend money on her, and that made her feel like she wasn’t special. They were married 17 years before she divorced him because it never changed and she never got over it. (It was one of the bigger of a couple problems they had)

Post # 84
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
@GelaMac:  Good point.  I forgot about that.  He’s cheap and a liar.  That wouldn’t fly with me at all.

Post # 85
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Umm, I’m sorry you are upset about this, but really….do you think if he’d gone to a jeweler and picked out a stone, and a setting, that either of those are brand spanking new?  Diamond resellers make a tidy profit moving old diamonds from estate sales and pawn shops back into retail stores, where someone buys them out of a little packet of paper and has it set and is none the wiser to where or how long the thing has been around, and with in store upgrades you trade in old for new, they shine up and that’s that….same with gold, people sell it, it gets melted down and turned into all kinds of things…doesn’t change the fact that it’s from old jewelry.

That being said, I get where your coming from, sort of….have them re-sized, polished and plated if you have to…the history of them isn’t important, it’s the future they symbolize.

 

Post # 86
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@weddingadvice99:  I’d wear a used (and cleaned) ring long before I would touch a pair of used shoes! Yuck.

That being said, I think that your Fiance is walking a very thin line between frugal and cheap based on his actions. 

Post # 87
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

By not telling you about where he bought the rings, it seems like your Fiance knew that you wouldn’t be on board, but did it anyways.  I’d be pretty frustrated by that.  He also didn’t give you a chance to love the rings for what they are.  I assume that your reaction would have been a little different if he told you where they came from the first time you asked.

I would happily accept previously owned rings (and encouraged my Fiance to look into that before we ultimately settled on moissanite).  If you do love the rings, get them polished and re-dipped, and wear them!  If the way that they were given really bothers you (and that’s okay too!), then exchange them for something that you’ll feel better about wearing.

And as everyone has said, it seems like you need to have a conversation about money values.  There isn’t one set of “good” money values, but you need to work out some sort of understanding before you get married.

PS. It’s possible that my FI’s ring will cost more than my set, which doesn’t bother me at all.  As long as you have rings that you both like, then (imo) there’s no rule that the man’s ring should be less expensive.

Post # 88
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yikes!

1) If you get a used ring from a breakup, then so does he. Tell him his ring has to come off ebay to save money too.

2) If there’s one thing you don’t want to be cheap about, it’s your spouse or future spouse. No one should feel like they’re second rate or that their fiance didn’t spend the money on them because they weren’t worth it.

3) I understand where you’re coming from with the gifts. My DH is a horrible gifter. He constantly regifts things to me. For our first Christmas he regifted/re wrapped a crock pot that my best friend gave me for my wedding. (I spent the rest of Christmas day crying).

4) Sorry, but just on the principle of it I wouldn’t accept that ring. Go buy yourself the ring of your dreams (just like he is) and tell his ring to shove it.

Post # 89
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

View original reply
@drummerbride: “I think you’re over reacting, he still spent time and effort picking out a ring meant for you, regardless of it being used.”

I could go on Ebay, click the price range I was interested in, and find a ring for someone in 10 minutes. It sounds like he didn’t put much thought into the ring other than finding the lowest possible price. Was he spending time and effort picking out OP’s gifts when he was giving her crap he bought for an ex-girlfriend?

“I would be annoyed by the lie, but you clearly have issues with him buying things used and he knew you would over react this way over it.”

So, when people do things that annoy or upset you, do you expect them to keep doing it but start lying to you so you don’t “overreact”, or do you expect them to re-think their own behavior?

“E-rings are expensive, you say yourself that this man prefers to be frugal, that is part of who he is and who you fell in love with. Being upset over this is quite petty in the grand scheme of it all.”

I personally didn’t fall in love with my husband’s flaws. Yes, some of those flaws are endearing to me, but I fell in love with his wonderful qualities. We both still piss each other off on occasion and we work on our habits that bother each other – because we care, and we want the other person to be happy.

 

I don’t think OP is being petty at all.

Post # 90
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

I think you should get his ring off of Ebay, too!

Post # 91
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I didn’t read all the posts so sorry if I repeat what others have already said.

I personally would not be offended (then again I’m not superstitious or too sentimental)  especially if I ended up with a better quality and/or bigger carat  ring and paying a lot less.  I guess I’m like your Fiance in that respect.  You could always have the diamond reset.   

 

The topic ‘Fiance bought engagement and wedding rings on e-bay used :-(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors