(Closed) Fiance bought engagement and wedding rings on e-bay used :-(

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 92
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Tit for tat, eye for an eye mentality is interesting to me.. its lame. Communicate, not well you did this so now Im going to do that. Its not the way to be.. Sit down an talk. There is nothing wrong with used rings or Ebay, its the lie! The lie is the biggest issue here IMO.

On another note some people just dont know any better for gifting “rules”, some think they are frugal but dont realize they are being cheap. They may think I got an awesome deal and not realize it will offend someone.. Sometimes you need to cut someone some slack, its the thought. We all know some guys just dont get it.. lol

Post # 93
Member
6112 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Even if your rings were new, they are going to look like this current condition in a year and for the rest of your life anyway.  Plus lots of people buy antique rings or used rings.  I see nothing wrong with that.  I do think my husband would have asked me for my opinion on used rings first – I am pretty sure he would have.

 

However, the lying is the bad thing here.  He must have known at some level that you would be a little off with this, why else hide it?  To protect you?  To not get yelled at?  Because he was embarrassed?  I think you need to talk with him about that.

 

If you love the rings style, etc., then just get them buffed and/or dipped (if white gold).

 

Also buying used running shoes off eBay for a gift is odd.  You will have to communicate in the future what you do not like for second hand things.  Tell him where you draw the line on things.  Used car?  OK, but used lingerie, no way!  Some guys need spelling out.

Post # 94
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would be fine with rings off ebay as long as it’s an actual diamond and real gold. It’s new to me and that’s good enough.

Post # 95
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m all for buying used things but I say talk to him and ask for a brand new one if budget allows. I personally don’t think the running shoes are cool. And I definitely HATE that he gave you jewelry meant for his ex. You should discuss your boundaries of buying secondhand, because he may be saving money (and sometimes not that much), but does he care more about making you happy, or saving a dollar or two?

Also, to give him the benefit of the doubt he may have lied automatically if he wasn’t expecting the question and it took a week to get the courage to come clean. But I think even that shows he knew you wouldn’t want asecondhand ring. 

Post # 96
Member
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

my ring is my great grandmothers and you really can’t tell how old it is.  Don’t worry about it just enjoy how beautiful it is.

Post # 97
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow. I would totally be bummed, too. I’m sorry.

I would say that he is a typical guy and just plain clueless about gifting etiquette, but he purposely hid the fact that the rings were bought off ebay, so he knew what he did was not going to be cool with you. I agree with other posters that it could be okay to buy a used ring if it had been discussed and you were okay with it.

And used shoes and jewelry meant for the ex?? Definitely NOT cool and he needs to know this because he is making this a bad habit.

But you are kinda in a sticky situation because if you give up the rings and purchase new ones, I feel like the new rings wouldn’t feel as special because they weren’t the first rings he purchased for the proposal. On the other hand, what is a girl supposed to do if she can’t forget the history /bad karma that a ring has had?

I agree with some of the other posters that suggest getting a new setting and making the ring “yours”. It will be a “fresh start” for the ring. No more bad karma!

 

 

Post # 98
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@starla:  Then we are quite simply not going to agree. Yes you may very well be able to enter in a price range for ebay and find something. That can also be done in a jewelry store, you walk in say ‘I’m looking for an engagement ring for this X amount, what do you have’. It still takes effort and thought to purchase the ring he did because he thought she would like it and would appreciate a more expensive, nicer ring, used then what he could afford or was willing to pay over a new one for the same price.

The gifts he got for the ex, is by no means ok and she didn’t have to nor did she accept them. Just because something is used does not make it any less special to give someone. Especially if it’s something they genuinely like and/or want.

You may not have to love their flaws but you sure as hell have to accept them. She knew this man preferred to purchase things used rather then pay full price. So getting upset over him doing what he always does for her e-ring is silly.

If you can’t accept or live with someone’s flaws then quite simply you don’t continue to date them, nor do you agree to a marriage proposal from them.

Post # 99
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@BuffaloDots:  No one should ever put a price tag value on their relationship with anyone. You shouldn’t be determining how much someone values, cherishes and cares for you based on how much they spend on you, that’s a very materialistic life view.

Post # 100
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Just to add to previous responses: His ring MUST be pre-owned, fair is fair.

plus, he may try and fight you on it in which case you can explain how you feel you should have had something new.

(for the record, i would have no issue in wearing a pre-owned ring.)

Post # 101
Member
9478 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I really like 

View original reply
EffieTrinket‘s idea of possibly melting the gold to make it custom for you – if it fits your price range.  

Post # 102
Member
2285 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

I don’t have an issue with used stuff, including jewelry. My E ring is a vintage ring made from an antique replica. I don’t know if anyone has worn it before, but it’s highly possible. I don’t see an issue here, personally. It sounds like you really loved the ring until you found out it was worn by someone else before. What is it about it being used that bothers you? I understand not wanting a ring that he had bought for someone else, but some stranger’s ring wouldn’t bother me a bit.

Post # 103
Member
9841 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. And if he lied about it at first, you know he realizes what he did really wasn’t right. I think it’s fine to have a pre-owned ring IF both parties are on board with the idea.

And he should definitely be getting a pre-owned ring for himself!

Post # 104
Hostess
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m staying out of the ring debate… since other bees have already posted great responses but had to comment on the running shoes. That is gross! Used running shoes!?!?

Post # 105
Member
9944 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@drummerbride:   But he LIED to her about where the rings came from.  That is what she is most upset about, the fact that he lied.  Being cheap and  a liar are some pretty huge character flaws.

There is nothing wrong with used jewelry, at all.  It would have been fine if only he’d been open and honest about it and she was onboard with the idea. 

Post # 106
Member
9944 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@Westwood:  +1!

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