(Closed) Fiance broke off the engagement 2x, wants to stay together, does this ever work?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 122
Member
35 posts
Newbee

I’m a little late in responding to this- but I would like to throw my two cents in. I didn’t read any of the replies so I apologize if I’m repeating what has already been said.

The first thing that caught my attention was the complaining of the ‘soft hands’ bit. And how a man would want a woman what doesn’t have hands that feel like grinding paper (ok- I took that bit a little far). I’m not sure what working on circuit boards consists of- but I’m assuming it’s part of the ‘mans world’ for work (as in manual labour). I have to admit that I got incredibly angry right away (haha!). I’m a plumber- so no I don’t look like the gorgeous model all the time… but DANG IT!! I’m good at it and I’ll take those rough hands any day doing what I absolutely love! And it’s such a SMALL thing to complain about. I really don’t understand that.

And I’m coming from a place of two broken engagements… First- it was… he wasn’t sure if I was the one and if there was something better (ouch!). Then we got back together after a month. Then we were dating for about 8 months and started talking about marriage again. With promises of a ring, a wedding and a happily ever after. Four months later- again he wasn’t sure if I was the one. We broke up- I moved out, put myself into work, found hobbies (soccer was amazingly good for me!). And I came to realize that I hadn’t really been happy before either. I came into ‘my own’ and was loving life again.

Three months later he wants to meet. So we did- for coffee- to talk things thru. Now- I had about a week to think of all these situations and discussions that could come up. And I wanted everything to work out between us. Then comes the meeting- and when I saw him he started saying that he missed me, he loved me, he wants a life with me. Looking at his face- I think I saw love, but at that moment I couldn’t put my trust in a man that had literally broken my heart twice (and I mean broken- those first few weeks were absolutely horrible). I told him that I couldn’t do it again- I couldn’t do it a third time because I KNEW that a nagging feeling would be in the back of my mind asking when are we going to break up again. And that my friend is not a good thing.

I told him I wish nothing but the best for him and I hope he finds happiness in life and all he does. And then I told him to never contact me again. And dear lady- I feel better for it. To each their own on how you deal with you own situation- but that’s how mine turned out.

I hope you find what you need- and you are truly happy. You sound like an absolutely amazing lady!!

Post # 123
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@AshlingStone:  your guy sounds like a giant a-hole. Seriously?? What a wanker. He sounds like he enjoys playing games with your heart. Dump his sorry ass, spend some money on a mini vacation then move on with your life 🙂 you deserve better!

Post # 124
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@AshlingStone:  By the way, 37 is young. You have tons of time left to find someone else, who will love you – and your hands.

Post # 125
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 1994

@AshlingStone:  To answer your question “What am I doing?” Wasting time. 

It sounds like he cares for you, but isn’t in love with you or attracted to you.  He’s probably too afraid to officially end it and move on.

If you have an ounce of self respect, you’ll tell him to grow up (and eff-off).  You’re allowing yourself to be treated like shit.  

Post # 126
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@AshlingStone:

I think you should just cut your losses.  It does’t sound like either of you are happy and if you have to go to the extremes of setting up recorders to hear what he is up to then there is no trust there.  You deserve so much better then having someone propose and then break off the engagement and then treat you that way by bagging you out to his mum, he sounds very toxic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 127
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I gave up on men in their 20’s long ago. Finally met my husband when I made that change. It doesn’t sound like this is the right guy for you. I agree, those two health changes about drinking and smoking are things that are important In My Humble Opinion. But the others, he or anyone shouldn’t go into a relationship wanting to change the other person. Do yourself a favor and shake this guy off so you can find the right guy for you.

Post # 128
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

why would you want to be with someone like that? you have one life.. there is a GOOD man out there that will love all of those things this guy doesn’t. RUN!

Post # 129
Member
421 posts
Helper bee

I hope you’ve left him. He has made it clear that he’s just keeping you around until he thinks he has found someone better.

Post # 130
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

@AshlingStone:  Honey,  HAVEN’T READ THE REPLIES yet but all I can do is scream: DUMP THE LOSER.  Just reading your opening post almost made my head explode.

 

Believe me, there are times when being alone is preferable.  This sounds like one of them.

 

Post # 131
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee

Please end the relationship.

Post # 132
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@PermaStudent:  +1000000000000

 

@AshlingStone:  Drop this one like a bad habit. If he only “loves” you because you cook, clean and rub his back tell him to move back in with his mother. He’s not even pulling his own weight (giving you $600/month for rent and having you cover the rest?!). You could do SO MUCH better. 

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