Fiance called off Wedding and Broke off Relationship

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

You’re not being dumb. It’s called trauma bonding. You dodged a MAJOR bullet. This man sounds like an abuser with narcissistic qualities. Get yourself into therapy with someone who is well familiar with narcissistic personality disorder and the victims of the people with this insidious affliction. 

And be so thankful that this relationship will not progress further. 

Post # 3
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

And get this book. It will shed a lot of light on your situation and will make you feel like you aren’t crazy.

Post # 4
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee

You are losing your mind because he is a manipulative and abusive asshole. Don’t wait for an apartment. Find a monthly Airbnb and get out immediately. Then find a therapist. 

Post # 7
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee

ziglierie1 :  I recommend The Nice Girl Syndrome. Focus on bettering yourself instead of understanding his fucked up mind.

Post # 8
Member
1139 posts
Bumble bee

You dodged a major bullet, Bee. You’re much better off without this man. It’s a game for him– leaving and coming back, keeping you interested and on the hook. 

I second the Lundy Bancroft book. It will open your eyes to the patterns you were experiencing and give you a better idea of how to heal. Knowledge helps when processing the end of an abusive relationship. 

Frankly, it’s insulting that he would treat you the way he did. Talking to everyone but you about his unhappiness? Booking tickets to get to your wedding even though he was only taking you to Costa Rica to be “nice”. Eff that. 

Move on for good. Block him on everything and don’t give him an opening to come crawling back again. 

Post # 9
Member
6663 posts
Bee Keeper

He has done you such a huge favor in calling off the wedding–thank him, get the hell out of there, stick with therapy and don’t look back. With the right man the highs may not seem so high but you won’t have those lows. There is a lot to be said for a steady, constant love. The world is crazy enough without inviting crazy into your life. 

Post # 10
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee

ziglierie1 :  Look,

it happens. We all make mistakes and get wrapped up in the wrong guy. I certainly have had my share of opportunities in the past where i (wrongly) chose to go back. I am not going to sugar coat this..

Girl.

re-read your own post. Does that sound like a happy healthy relationship AT ALL? He broke up with you what? 5 times in 2 years? And talked to other women (that you know of) on two separate occassions?

Lets not ignore the HUGE red flag of when he became enraged because you went to sleep a little early. Theres red flags all over this post. The guy does not seem stable. People who are SO charming in between fights are manipulating. And you are letting him manipulate you into feeling bad. He should feel bad. 

I am glad you are in therapy, i would REALLY suggest moving out anyway you can. Stay with friend or family? Rent a room until you can get yoiur own place? He is gonna pull you right back in as he has every other time, when he suddenly feels like being nice again. 

Post # 13
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Oh bee, I’m so sorry for what you are dealing with.  And to be clear, what you are dealing with is emotional and verbal abuse.  This guy is scary, and you do not deserve this.  The only mistake you made was to get involved with him in the first place. There is nothing you could have done differently that would have resulted in a different outcome. 

You say in your OP that you still want to be with him.  I am begging you, no matter what he says or does, no matter how sweet or sincere he appears, do not try to mend this relationship.  I promise you, he will not change. 

Please take care of yourself.  Continue with your therapy.  Increase sessions to a couple times a week if you can.  And get yourself out immediately, even if it’s not ideal. 

Post # 14
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Bee, you were in an abusive relationship. I hope you’ll come to realize that after more therapy. Thank GOD he broke it off or it would’ve gotten worse and worse, and those “great times” in between the abuse would’ve gotten shorter and shorter. I know it hurts now, but eventually you’ll meet a non-abusive, non-piece-of-shit man, and then you’ll be able to see easily that this man is terrible. 

Post # 15
Member
4042 posts
Honey bee

You’re not dumb, you’re an addict. You are addicted to this man the way some people are addicted to drugs. The only thing you can do is stop seeing him and stop talking to him. Every time you do that you reset your healing and have to start over. 

I could tell you he’s not good for you, but you wouldn’t care, you just want him. But just as people do dumb or dangerous stuff on drugs and alcohol, you’re making bad decisions while you’re still hooked to him. He is not going to marry you, he will always pull away. Look at his track record!  Like it or not you’re not what he envisions for himself. Do the smart thing and just ignore/block this guy. 

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