Fiance called off wedding and broke up

posted 3 weeks ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6833 posts
Busy Beekeeper

How long is your lease for?

Are you allowed to clean out the joint account if it’s half his? 

Post # 5
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Bee, if he paid for your car without a repayment plan, consider it a gift and keep going. 

This was sudden for you. I don’t think it was sudden for him. He staged this like someone who knew he wanted to get out of a wedding as painlessly for himself as possible: telling you he wants to “postpone”, refusing counseling, coming up with an insane reason you can’t really argue, not giving you any explanations, not coming up with solutions, then packing up to leave.  

His family never treated you like someone who would become a permanent family member.  The more this guys shows you his true colors, the more certain I am that he has been more honest with them than with you.

It’s time to change passwords on anything connected to your credit cards or that lead to a backdoor into your life: bank accounts, cloud storage, email addresses, social media, amazon, etc.  Unfriend him on social media so that he can’t keep track of your feelings/ posts/ going and coming.  

Edit: the fact that he expects you to suck up the financial losses for a wedding cancellation he caused unilaterally shows that he doesn’t really care about your well-being at this point. He is not your partner. He is not your friend. He is a man who has caused you financial and emotional harm. 

Fairness does not require being nice. Fair would have been him not proposing. Fair would have been him explaining his issues to you a long time ago. Fair would have been him taking 100% of the loss on the wedding cancellation. Fair would have been him saying cancellation from the get-go instead of “postpone”.   He has chosen not to fairly return your care for him. Those things would have required you to be more conscientious about his well-being. Equal treatment now would mean looking out for yourself the way he is clearly looking out for himself.

Post # 7
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Meh, I’d consider it a wash at best.  I wouldn’t consider paying him anything unless it comes up in the conversation and even then I’d hesitate.  You are being treated rather atrociously bee so eff trying to be fair.  Your focus at this point should be on what is in your best interest, which in this case is to cut him out of your life as quickly as possible.  Yes his behavior is very shady but is knowing what he’s doing or where he’s staying going to improve things for you?  I mean if you got proof that he is, in fact, seeing his ex or some other woman…..is a “gotcha” moment really going to serve you?

Post # 8
Member
4211 posts
Honey bee

Of course he’s not staying with family. If you press him, he will say he’s with a “friend”. The kind with benefits.What do *you* want to do? Do you want to stay in the apartment? Now is the time to press him, while some little part of him feels guilty. That will be gone soon if it isn’t already. 

FORGET THE CAR!!! You are not going to pay that back, end of story. He can go scratch, unless you have signed documents. Even then I wouldn’t worry about it. He can eat that cost just like you are going to have to eat the cost of moving and finding a new place, breaking a lease, the list goes on. Not paying him back does not make you a “shitty person” as someone said. The shitty person scale is tilted way over on his side. Please, please, make him no promises about repayment. People should get what they give and he’s given you a crap sandwich.

Now did I read this correctly, you’re paying for the cancellations and hes not reimbursing you? Why are you being so agreeable with this? Why are you even thinking about the money for the car?

It looks like I’m being harsh, I know. But in one year you will understand, after you’ve had to deal with the mental and financial fallout from his decisions.

ETA. A person’s actions are all that s/he is. His actions demonstrate very well that he does not care about you. Stop thinking of him when you make your decisions. He doesn’t deserve the consideration.

Post # 9
Member
3794 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

darksideofthemoon :  OP, if he wont consider repaying you for money lost for a wedding he canceled, I wouldn’t consider repaying him for your vehicle. You’ve taken out your share of the funds from the joint account, I would just leave that as is. Make sure you switch your payroll deposits so no more money is deposited into the joint account. Once you’ve determined who is staying in the apartment, get your name off everything joint (or his name, if you’re staying).

I’m so sorry this is happening. He did this very systematically, I hate to say it, but I think this wasnt a last minute decision… especially with the secrecy surrounding where he’s staying.

 

Post # 10
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

darksideofthemoon :  I’m sorry about the heartbreak.  Even though it’s a small thing, you can use amazon pay to purchase other items elsewhere on the internet.  That’s kinda like leaving him with a credit card in your name. You’ll need to cut this guy off.  While you’re at it, change your paypal password, too.

Post # 12
Member
6771 posts
Busy Beekeeper

darksideofthemoon :  He refused to remiburse me for the loss on cancelations, but he paid for my car (50%), which I might return but not immediately because don’t have enough money right now to pay all of it.

Refused on what grounds? Does he think he isn’t responsible for you losing out on these costs? How much money will this cost you?He likely allowed you to continue spending on the wedding knowing he wasn’t going to follow through. If his contribution toward the car and the money you’ve lost on wedding expenses are somewhat equivalent consider it even.

Have you planned a honeymoon? If so, grab your best friend and go. 

Post # 13
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

Are you kidding me?? What a POS for wanting you to eat up the cancellation costs. Consider taking him to small claims court…or you could just take anything monumental to make up for it, however he could just get the cops involved. I’m now convinced he’s sketchy. 

 

Post # 14
Member
6833 posts
Busy Beekeeper

darksideofthemoon :  Sorry, I may have misunderstood – it sounded like you already cleared out the joint account, but perhaps you just took your half? 

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