Post # 226
I would not be surprised if he asks for the ring back though. He refused to compensate me for the money I lost on the wedding and reception, saying he helped me pay for various things through the course of our relationship. He will probably claim that he will not let me keep the ring for the same reasons.
Post # 227
- Wedding: June 2007 - City, State
darksideofthemoon : why do you need him to sort things out? You don’t. Take care of your own shit. Secure your own financials. Cancel everything that is in your name pertaining to the apartment. Move your shit out. Give the ring to his sister or something. Tell him he has to be at the apartment on x date to break the lease.
He’s not going to change his mind and come crawling back to you. You need to be ruthless and get it all over with.
Post # 228
chocco : I agree with this. You should give the ring back or offer to give back, unless he writes to you that you may keep it. You do not want to deal with the headache of your ex going after you to get it back several months down the line.
Post # 229
darksideofthemoon : I would not give the ring back. HE broke the engagement, not you. I would do a search for laws in your area regarding this though. I would *not* try to meet with him in person.Do everything via email and the sooner the better. Try to get him to agree to break the lease *now* so you can be out from under the apartment already. His interest in being cooperative and doing the right thing will wane even more as time passes.
Post # 230
Are engagement rings not conditional gifts? I thought you had to return them unless the wedding goes ahead.
Post # 231
darksideofthemoon : Bee, you don’t need to sort anything out with him.
1. Notify the landlord and move out. Now.
2. Cancel anything related to the apt in your name.
3. Get your mail forwarded.
4. Email him that since you are out X amount of money paying for the wedding cancellations you can no longer afford to stay in the apt, will no longer give him money for it, and have since moved out.
5. Put the ring in a baggie, write a note saying “I’m done with you and your shit” and tape it to the inside of the toilet. Just kidding. Leave it on the counter.
6. Block his access to you everywhere. Delete his number and any contact info. Block on social media. Block his family and friends too.
7. Move on as best you can.
Post # 232
aquamarine22 : Is the OP in the US? Not every country has laws surrounding engagement rings, although technically yes, it’s a conditional gift.
Post # 233
sf618b : She didn’t say she still wants him back though, did she? And it’s shameful that he isn’t even pretending to care after just walking off like he did.
Post # 234
Yes, OP. Move out now if you can.
Post # 235
Ok he is clearly getting more and more difficult. OP you gotta cut it off and cut it off now.
1) google ring laws for your state. That will tell you if you can keep the ring or not. If I were you I wouldn’t return it unless the law google search showed that you have to in your state. Many us states say that whoever broke off the engagement has to give the ring back.
2) get out of the apartment. Just get out. Like ASAP. In the next 3 days ASAP. Tell the landlord. And move out and just get out.
3) once you’re out text him and tell him your out of the apartment and done. It’s now his responsibility to deal with it. Tell him you don’t want to hear from him again.
4) block. Block him everywhere you possibly can
Post # 236
Thank you. I had a look and it seems I have to return the ring and that’s fine. I will leave it at the apartment for him to pick up.
I am moving out next weekend. Finalised logistics, etc and then told him about it.
He was extremely rude and sent back a text saying that it was a nightmare for him, because he had to move out as he wanted to break up, and that the apartment was his and I moved in with him and it was causing all this chaos and problems, which would not have occured had we still lived separately!
I wrote back saying he could live here if he wanted as I was leaving asap, and he said “no, thanks” and that he doesn’t want to live here, and said he will pay to end the lease so that he doesn’t have to put up with “endless calls and texts” from me and how sick he was of being contacted “all the time”.
He’s turned into someone I don’t know. He was never a nasty man and I never knew he could have this shitty attitude toward anyone.
Post # 237
Whether or not you have to return the ring depends on what state you live in. If you’re in the US, it’s state law. Don’t just guess or listen to anyone else – look up the law.
Post # 238
If I may make a suggestion: send him one last response telling him to go fuck himself and the girl he cheated on you with can deal with his bitchy attitude cause you’re done dealing with his stupid ass. BLOCK
Post # 239
ttw16 : I did indeed look up the law and I will have to return it to him.
neverbeenstungbee : I will send him that text when I am moving out.
He said a load of nasty things in his texts to me yesterday and today, and took a dig at me by saying that I should give my phone a rest and to stop texting non stop (I have not texted non stop) and then wrote another reply saying that I should find something more interesting to do with my day instead of wasting his time and mine by texting for no reason about the same thing again and again when he has agreed to pay to end the lease to help me. As if he is doing me a favor! He would have to keep paying for the lease if he did not pay to break it because he is on the lease!
When we were together and whenever I was unwell or ill, he used to look after me and cared so much and yet he has not asked me even once how I am doing. It just amazes me that someone can change this much.
Post # 240
darksideofthemoon : I just want to caution you: Please don’t leave the ring in the apartment for him. Yes, you must legally return the ring. All the more reason to be absolutely sure that it is done right. Your landlord has a key to the apartment (obviously), and while we want to believe the best of people, I’ve had things go missing to landlords and custodians; but also, that is not the way to assure yourself or anyone else that the ring actually got into your ex’s hands. Imagine if he brought someone else with him to the apartment (his new girlfriend) and that person saw the ring, or the envelope that would obviously contain the ring, and pocketed it? It would be so easy! Consider also that he himself could pocket it and then sue you for the value of the ring, saying he never got it. I’ve seen that kind of craziness go down too! Don’t think you know what he is or isn’t capable of. He’s already showing you daily that he is nothing like the person you thought he was.
Tell him you will meet him someplace neutral to hand over the ring and bring a friend or trusted family member with you to take a video of the exchange as legal proof that he received the ring. Videos are admissable in small claims court and police will also accept it if considering whether or not to file charges of theft should he make a claim. If your ex continues to be uncooperative with paying his share of the legal fees owing to this break up and wedding cancelation, then it is very likely that this mess will end up being resolved in small claims court. I certainly hope that you wouldn’t just eat the financial expense and not hold him accountable! Regardless, this guy is only out for himself and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him cross from selfish/greedy/uncooperative to downright nasty and vindictive, capable of anything. In the meantime, protect yourself!!