(Closed) Fiance called off wedding and broke up

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

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darksideofthemoon :  I am so sorry you are going through this. His line: “Said he already paid for many things for me over the course of our relationship and that more than covers the wedding expenses.” really burns me. It reminds me of when my husband and his ex-fiance broke up – she was cheating on him. So he was the one who was really hurt and he moved out, and she emptied their joint bank account when he contributed 80% of it. One of her reasons for doing so was “You ate way more food than I did.” That type of thinking is ridiculous. He shouldn’t be saying because he paid for dinner a bunch of times or whatever that it comes close to making up for lost wedding costs. He paid for you out of love those times, and to use that against you now is a huge dick move.

Post # 62
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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darksideofthemoon :  You have all the answers you need, bee.   A closed door IS closure.  Trying to get more out of him (instead of realizing that he does not have what it takes to be deserving of your energy) will only cost you more. Don’t throw good time after bad.  The fact that he’s trying to equate stiffing you with wedding costs with what he spent willingly during the course of the relationship shows you that he is not the man you were in love with.  You were in love with the person this guy pretended to be. 

I know this all MUCH easier said than done, but it must be done.

This is a minor sticking point… and I don’t mean it to shame you… but he is not cheating. He broke up with you. He might have cheatED on you, but he’s single now. He owes you no further explanation.  He’s a shithead. He’s a bastard. But he’s her (or his) shithead now.

 

Post # 63
Member
3790 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Ok so he’s definitely cheating on you, with those “answers”. What a POS. 

Are you still on the joint account? Clear it out already, except for the rent payment that is about to go through. Then close the account. Fuck him. He can take you to court if he wants. (He wont.)

I’m sorry girl! Hang in there! The only way past it is through it. 

Post # 64
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

See? He is already turning into a jerk. His guilt is gone. Time to cut him out of your life OP and move on. Only do what is best for you from here on out. Since the roles are reversed and he is on the lease for a few more months he does HAVE to pay for the apartment. Go back into your joint account right now and empty it out. Take all of that right to your lease office and ask if you can pay your next few months rent early. Put all the money he had in that account toward rent until the lease he is on is up. He can’t argue that at all. Do this ASAP. 

Keep the ring. He says he wants out of the apartment? Great than he has 1 week to remove his shit. Seriously if he wants out than he needs to be all the way out completely and totally. That means he can’t keep his shit in the apartment and keep stopping by to collect it. OH and if he wants people to know the wedding is off? Than he needs to call them all and tell them its over. You shouldn’t have to be cancelling or calling anyone. 

Post # 65
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

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jellybellynelly :  It’s not half his. Each person owns the account in its entireity.

Post # 66
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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mrsssb :  I’d actually cancel with all of my guests (including joint friends). This guy will lie and probably claim they both decided to postpone.  Nope.  I’d tell them all that as of X date, he has canceled the wedding as you don’t have many hobbies in common, that he broke up with you and that he has moved out.  HE will look like a supreme asshole, but he is.

Post # 67
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

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darksideofthemoon :  Bee your ex sounds like an asshole, and you’re better off without someone like that in your life. I know that you’re going through a lot right now and it’s a really shitty and emotional situation, but you need to look out for youself. He’s already left you in an emotional wreck, don’t let him leave you with a huge financial burden too. 

Like other bees have said, things you should do ASAP:

1. Get all that money out of the joint account into your personal account NOW. You don’t know if he’s going to try and clean it out (this asshole sounds like he will), so it’s best you take the initiative before he screws you over even more financially. Apply it to the lease and all the money you are out because of cancellations. He’s on the lease so tell him he can FUCK off and that you’re going to take that money to pay rent if he’s being a whiny asshole. If there’s money left, you can decide how you want to handle it later. 

2. Change passwords to ALL your joint accounts. You might not remember everything off the top of your head right now, but do as much as you can to minimize that damage. 

3. Send out an email/text whatever to let all your guests know that the wedding is canceled, and who’s fault it was. If you let him do it, he’s going to spin it to come out like roses.

ETA: Or if you don’t feel up to letting your guests know about the cancellation, have your maid of honor or close family member send it out. Or maybe add on your wedding website if it’s password protected for guests. Just giving suggestions. I’d deal with letting guests know as the lowest priority from the 3 listed above.

Post # 68
Member
2948 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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darksideofthemoon :  Jesus, what an asshole!! 

He paid for stuff while you were in a relationship? And that apparently means it’s ok to stick you with the bill for ending it?! That is ridiculous and callous. 

It’s not a matter of walking away with an equal amount of money spent altogether per side. Whether the amount you’re losing on this is more or less or equal to what he spent or contributed during the relationship is completely irrelevant.

The only relevant factor here is that there are financial costs associated with ending this relationship, which was a decision that he made, over which you had absolutely no control and for which you had absolutely no time or ability to prepare. 

I genuinely don’t understand how he can care so little about how this impacts you. It’s just so callous. He doesn’t seem to care one bit about how much he is hurting you.

A decent person walking away from an engagement that just didn’t feel right wouldn’t treat their ex partner like this. They’d be doing everything they could to soften the blow and pad the other person’s landing.

The fact that he isn’t, and instead is choosing to actively make things harder for you, is a very clear indication that you’re dodging a bullet here, even though it hurts like hell. 

He is NOT the person you thought he was and he was NEVER going to be the husband you deserve even if he did marry you. 

Post # 69
Member
3429 posts
Sugar bee

 

WHAT. A. FUCKHEAD.

Post # 72
Member
331 posts
Helper bee

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darksideofthemoon :  Well at least you know you dodged a bullet by not marrying this man. Also, again, I find it very weird how he is so concerned about the ex’s health and defensive about how the situations are not the same. I said this in your previous thread too, and I still think that he might have rekindled his relationship with her. 

Post # 73
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

Can you take him to a small claims court? What a pos.

Post # 75
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

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darksideofthemoon :  I think you need a lawyer to settle payments, apartment, rings etc. get a lawyer and all contact through that lawyer. His guilt phase passed and he is getting into “it’s her fault” phase. Get a lawyer asap

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