(Closed) Fiance called off wedding and broke up

posted 1 month ago in Emotional
Post # 736
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee

Wishing you strength and peace during this incredibly difficult time OP. Please stay strong and lean on friends and family to get you through the holidays. You’re getting through the worst right now 

Post # 737
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

OP, now’s the time for a clean break. It’s wonderful that you will be with your family over the next two months. You said in some post that the holiday season with his family was uncomfortable for you and I hope you have a peaceful and less stressful holiday season this year.

Post # 743
Member
10997 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

coffeecakez :  

This. 20,000%.

And OP is suffering much more than she needs to.

After such a traumatic experience, it’s natural to be totally knocked off balance.  Friends and family are lovely.  But, they have their own lives and will eventually not want to keep hearing the same stuff over and over.

In fact, experiencing a partner’s cheating, especially when it’s discovered suddenly can lead to a syndrome very similar to PTSD.

 

Intimate Relationship and Sexual Betrayal Can Lead to PTSD Symptoms

Post # 744
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

There should be no stigma surrounding going to a therapist but it doesn’t sound like she needs a therapist yet.

Post # 745
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

Saying “hey OP, you’re going through something really hard, maybe talking to a therapist could be helpful” is very different from saying “OP, you have mental issues and need urgent professional help.” The former is great advice, the latter is hyperbolic to an extreme degree.

Post # 746
Member
12321 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

One does not have to be sick to go to the doctor for a physical illness. That’s why check ups and preventive medicine exist. So why are people using language that suggests it would be a stigma or evidence of weakness or mental illness for OP to seek counseling for something this unexpected and life changing? It’s not. 

Post # 747
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

weddingmaven :  Does she really have a case re the vendors? I thought they both paid for it, not just OP. 

Post # 748
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

elfbee :  Yes because only he called the wedding off.

Post # 749
Member
12321 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

elfbee :  Maybe, maybe not. From what I’ve read, the bottom line obligation is usually that of the person who signed the contracts. But some judges have seen a broken engagement as a broken contract in it’s own right and awarded total damages to the injured party. It could depend on the jurisdiction, the judge, and the facts. I’m not at all suggesting OP should do this. She should cut her losses and move on, IMO. 

Post # 750
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

sassy411 :  

Or just straight up PTSD in it’s authentic form.  The sudden betrayal, the realization that one has been lied to and used for so long.  The sudden presentation of a completely different personality that she hadn’t ever seen in him or thought he was capable of.  And then the abandonment issues that stem from this type of experience.  It’s really intense trauma.  I’ll say, I stayed with a foster family who welcomed me in after living with my abusive parents became intolerable.  When I was in college, on Christmas break and consequently locked out of the dorms, they pulled the rug out from under me and said it had nothing to do with me and I hadn’t done anything wrong….but I to find somewhere else to stay by the next day.  I knew what it was.  Her jackass spoiled son’s told me the day I first moved in that I didn’t deserve to be there and that they would be the ones to decide when it was time for me to go.  Ok.  Nobody owed me anything.  But this woman told me to go there for breaks and summers Summers and that I was “part of the family now.”. And then to throw me out a week before Christmas and she knew I had nowhere to go?!  It traumatized me more than all the cumulation of the abuse my parents had dished out.  I still have flashbacks, crying bouts without warning, and nightmares every.  Single.  Christmas.  And it’s been twenty years.  The concern we have expressed for OP is not unwarranted.  We worry for her healing and how this experience might affect her future relationships.  Those commenting that our expressions of concern are insulting her don’t seem to be hearing what we’re really saying.

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