(Closed) Fiance caught watching homosexual porn, but says it means nothing.

posted 3 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 61
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Australia

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blushingbee2019 :  yes! Being attracted to more than one gender has absolutely nothing to do with respect and faithfulness to your partner in a monogamous relationship. 

OP, bisexual people are not less worthy of marriage. You should check your privilege as a straight person. 

Post # 62
Member
8466 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

This would not bother me. I mean I’ve watched gay porn myself, what does that make me? Why is two lesbians totally fine, but two men is over the line?

I would not want to actually participate in like 90% of the stuff I watch. It’s a fantasy, not real life. 

Maybe he was just curious about butt stuff and there’s not really much out there for straight men. That still doesn’t make him gay or even bi.

Post # 63
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

I know its anecdotal–But I am totally a card carrying, 100% gold star lesbian–and I watch straight porn from time to time.  I am definitely not straight.  Not even a little bit bi.  

I do not think watching a certain kind of porn equates to a person’s sexual orientation.

Post # 64
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2021

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rcanlyn : Same, I’m a silver star lesbian if we’re using these terms (had sex once with a man and decided never ever again) and I watch gay porn. My fiancée is a gold star lesbian and she watches only straight porn. So clearly there isn’t necessarily a correlation between porn and sexual interest, as I am in no way shape or form attracted to men.   

Post # 65
Member
3855 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’d like to see all the posters calling out OP’s Fiance for being gay/bi for his choice of porn to say the same thing about the rest of us that have posted our preference for lesbian porn and how we are all obviously lying to ourselves and our relationships are all a scam and how our poor husbands are a cover, you know, for continuity’s sake. 🙄

Post # 66
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

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blushingbee2019 :  again, I respectfully disagree. I understand why you would think those of us who would no longer wish to continue the relationship with a man who watched gay porn are bi/homo-phobic, but I don’t believe that’s the case. I don’t think that not wanting to continue a relationship based on concerns about sexuality/sexual fantasies makes someone unsupportive of the entire LGBT community.

I do agree that there’s a societal double-standard when it comes to sexuality of men vs women; however, I cannot honestly say that I’d be completely okay with knowing my SO, who claims to be a straight man, was getting off sexually to other men. I do not think this makes me or any other women who wouldn’t be okay with it anti-LGBT. I’m not saying I’d no longer support him as a friend or support him in his journey to find out what he truly wants out of his sexuality, but no, I wouldn’t be okay continuing a serious relationship with someone who I wasn’t sure if I could sexually satisfy due to my sexual organs (or lack thereof). Especially coupled with the instances from the beginning of OP’s relationship (more specifically, the ED…I’d always worry he wasn’t attracted to me because he’s not sure of his sexuality due to the types of porn he was watching).

I guess what I’m trying to say is…dating preferences aren’t always politically correct. And that pains me to admit because I ALWAYS try to be politically correct, but I can’t lie and say I’d be okay with this. 

I also understand if you all think I’m a horrible person now. I just wanted to add some perspective/reasoning to my outlook.

Post # 67
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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happiekrappie :  “I wouldn’t be okay continuing a serious relationship with someone who I wasn’t sure if I could sexually satisfy due to my sexual organs (or lack thereof)”

As a bisexual person, I can tell you that what you are saying about sexual satisfaction due to sexual organs is false. If I am in a committed relationship, I am not seeking sexual satisfaction from someone with different sexual organs. It isn’t any different than being in any other committed relationship.

If your partner loves you, treats you well, and has given you no reason to break up with them, then dumping them solely on the basis of their sexuality (or even worse, perceived sexuality despite them telling you otherwise) would be homophobic.

Post # 68
Member
2599 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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jak60601 :  but like… why were you even looking at his history. This would literally NEVER cross my mind to invade DHs privacy like this. 

Post # 69
Member
3258 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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happiekrappie :  (I mean this in the most polite and respectful way) – What confuses me about your post is that you point to “not being sure if you can satisfy him” and “he claims to be straight” as being problems. So why would you not be ok with dating someone who is openly bi/pansexual? Or someone who is exploring that label? Because obviously he is still into you and likes women. How does it take away from your sex life if you found out he could theoretically enjoy sex with a man? He could also theoretically enjoy sex with millions of other women and that doesn’t hurt your sex life. You would be breaking up with someone who loves you and enjoys having sex with you purely because of their sexual orientation. Even though they like women and love you. It’s hard to see that as being anything other than homophobic. 

I also don’t get why people are caught up in the ED thing. Erectile dysfunction is not a symptom of being gay. He doesn’t even have any issues with ED. OP has a good sex life and he regularly initiates sex. Why would we assume he is gay because he previously had ED? He went to the doctor, got help, and now he is doing well. Obviously the doctor couldn’t have cured him if the ED was a result of being gay.

Post # 70
Member
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Also, why would a bi husband be a bad thing anyway? 

If one day Jason Momoa or Jeff Goldblum decide to come across and join me in bed then that just means I can invite my husband along. That’s called bonding people!

I hope one day my husband and I can look back and say “Honey, do you remember the time you and Jeff Goldblum ran a train on me? Those were the days.”

ETA: Excuse me, I need to be alone a minute. 

Post # 71
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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lovelyruby :  “How does it take away from your sex life if you found out he could theoretically enjoy sex with a man? He could also theoretically enjoy sex with millions of other women and that doesn’t hurt your sex life.”

YES! It doesn’t take away unless they are homophobic. A straight male in a committed relationship could just as easily decide he wants to be with a different woman. Why is that risk okay but being with a bisexual (who is sexually attracted to women) is not?

Post # 72
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2021

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happiekrappie :  Why is him (potentially) being in some way attracted to men meaning he can’t be sexually satisfied by a woman? Sexuality is a spectrum, he might be attracted to women 99% of the time and attracted to men 1% of the time, hence, his curiosity with gay porn. He may not even be interested romantically in men at all. Bisexuality is rarely 50/50 in terms of attraction to each sex, that’s if he is bisexual. 

I have plenty of female friends who are in heterosexual relationships who have female crushes, watch lesbian porn or have had sexual experiences with other women and no one assumes they can’t be satisfied by a man. A guy watches gay porn once and people are jumping to all kinds of conclusions and labelling him as gay or bisexual and saying he’s not sexually satisfied by OP, that’s where it becomes homophobic or biphobic to me. 

Post # 73
Member
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

If OP doesn’t want to marry someone who’s bisexual, then that’s her preference. I wouldn’t be comfortable if my husband watched gay porn, or was bisexual. I don’t have to be, it’s my choice who I date and if I’m not comfortable with something I’m not going to force myself into it just to be politically correct.

I have a couple of gay friends who refuse to date bisexual people as well, it’s a preference. People can have preferences.

Post # 74
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

Just because something turns someone on, doesn’t mean it’s the ONLY thing that turns them on. If your husband is bisexual or just has some sort of kink, it doesn’t mean hes not satisfied with you.

for example, say you’re sexually attracted to Jason Momoa (shocking I know). Does that mean your husband doesn’t satisfy you because he doesn’t look like him? Does that mean you’re going to start cruising Craigslist to find Jason Momoa lookalikes to cheat on your husband with? Probably not. People are allowed to have various sexual interests and remain happy with their partner.

Post # 75
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

As a close bisexual friend of mine once wisely said, “Being bisexual is not a case of, I Have Two Opposing Sexualities That Both Need To Be Satisfied At All Times Or I Will Be Unfulfilled. It’s not sexual indecision. It is simply a case of, Hey There, You’re Cute And I’d Like To Have Sex With You Regardless Of Whether Your Genitals Are On The Inside Or The Outside. It’s more about the person than what’s going on downstairs.” In Straight Person Land I bellieve this is called being attracted to a person based on who they truly are and is considered quite romantic. Of COURSE a man can be bisexual and be in a committed relationship with a woman. Any further speculation on this front confuses orientation with fear of infidelity, which can be scary for people with entirely straight partners too.

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