(Closed) Fiance caught watching homosexual porn, but says it means nothing.

posted 6 months ago in LGBTQ
Post # 76
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

futuremrs2020 :  “I have a couple of gay friends who refuse to date bisexual people as well”

What’s your point? Bisexuals are often stigmatized by both the straight AND gay community. Knowing some other people who also discriminate partners on the basis of their sexuality doesn’t make it right or okay.

Post # 77
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

Again the vibe I got from the OP is that she wants him to be honest and is afraid that’s not the case. Maybe if he openly shared he was bisexual or exploring that part of himself she’d be okay with it. Its the fact the she’s afraid he’s supressing something and possibly not being honest for his reasons for watching. Honesty any lies, no matter what they are, can definitely affect her and partner when they’re married.

I would definitely be nervous to marry someone that was being honest with me in any aspect of our relationship. 

If he is lying, why does he feel the need to do so? It’s gonna make you question alot of things. Anyone would. 

Obviously social norms make it very hard for lots of people to explore that side of themselves, but if you’re lying to your partner, it’s okay for your partner to thinks that’s a big deal.

If he’s not lying then great, who cares, let him check that out, but if its more why not be honest? 

Let’s not jump to shitting on the OP for being homophobic because she feels her partner is acting differently than they usually would and what she’s used to. 

Post # 78
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

catbride123 :  suggesting that someone who is uncertain about their sexuality, confused, or just coming to terms with it and not “out” is a liar is wrong, sorry. He isn’t lying to her if he doesn’t know himself. AND watching gay porn doesn’t even mean he’s not straight. 

Post # 79
Member
6060 posts
Bee Keeper

catbride123 :  If he’s not lying then great, who cares, let him check that out, but if its more why not be honest? 

Let’s not jump to shitting on the OP for being homophobic

You and a lot of other people are jumping to shitting on the partner – why not take your own advice? You say, if he’s not lying, great! Why are you jumping to assume that there is more? 

Post # 80
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

jellybellynelly :  I don’t know if he’s lying! haha. I’m saying OP is worried that he is lying. And I’m saying if that’s the case I understand that worry. No matter what It is lying is hard, lying sucks, could be about where you went after work or just some random secret.

Post # 81
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

carolinabelle :  Not what I’m saying. OP feels maybe he’s being dishonest for his reasons for watching what he was watching. And that can make someone feel uneasy. That is understandible. If he told her he was figuring stuff out, that would be great, but his reasoning to her feels false, which doesn’t feel good to her. At least that’s the vibe I got from her post.

It’s truly hard for many people to come out, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard for some people. But if you are their partner and want to have an honest relationship and coversation about it, thats understandible.

Post # 82
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

catbride123 :  “Maybe if he openly shared he was bisexual or exploring that part of himself she’d be okay with it. “

 

Comments directly from the OP’s post:

He always initiates sex and we have a pretty normal sex life

He said it meant nothing to him and he was curious to see how it “worked.”

He has never done anything else to make me question his love and attraction for me.

 

Do you seriously not see anything wrong with questioning his sexuality?

Post # 83
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

I’m straight woman and I exclusively watch gay porn. I wouldn’t draw conclusions from porn preferences. And him using being curious as an excuse could be explained that still doing anything that night make you get labelled gay is the worst thing ever. We still live in a world where gay is used as an insult.

Post # 84
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee

According to some of the posters in this thread, I’m a lesbian and my fiance is gay ::eyerolls::

Post # 85
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Ok. First of all, kudos to the majority of the people commenting on this. I think you’re getting good feedback, which is that porn is just…porn. It could mean something and it could mean absolutely nothing. If he’s open about it with you, that’s a good sign.

I consider myself gay. I’m in a heterosexual marriage. My husband is on the straightish end of the spectrum, but thinks Chris Pratt is a teddy bear lol. Our combined porn history is probably pretty nuts. If anyone were to attempt to judge us by it, they would be very confused and all kinds of wrong. 

I think the answer is to continue to be open with your partner. Don’t jump on him for things. Encourage two sided conversations where you share stuff too. Normalize it for him. As long as curiousity is welcomed within the home (I’m not talking about open relationships at all, although if that’s your jam, more power to you), I think people are in general less closed off and less interested in straying to explore parts of themselves. 

We have all sorts of gay culture going on in our house and our car has a rainbow bumper sticker. It’s part of who I am. My husband is cool with that. I’m not about to ride off into the sunset with a lady. I chose my partner and am very happy. 

Post # 86
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

Preferring to date a straight man or woman isn’t discrimination though. Some people prefer to date people with blonde hair, dark hair, freckles, blue eyes brown eyes etc. if someone prefers to date straight men that’s their preference blushingbee2019 :  

Post # 87
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

fcm16 :  preferring to date a straight person is biphobic. It doesn’t impact the way they look, like your other examples. It doesn’t impact their ability to be monogamous, or effect your relationship with them at all. So yes, discriminating against someone because of their sexuality is biphobic or homophobic. 

Post # 88
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

I think I tagged the wrong bee! I meant to tag blushing carolinabelle :  

Post # 89
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

I don’t understand how it’s discrimination…. if the op or whoever doesn’t want to date someone bi or gay that doesn’t mean they don’t support people who are bi or gay they just would personally rather date someone straight carolinabelle :  

Post # 90
Member
3391 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

throughthelookingglass87 : Can you elaborate? You’re a gay woman and you married a man who is cool with you being gay? I’d like to learn more about your relationship dynamic, if you’re willing to share. Unless I just totally misread/misunderstood, in which case sorry.

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