(Closed) Fiance caught watching homosexual porn, but says it means nothing.

posted 1 month ago in LGBTQ
Post # 121
Member
7373 posts
Busy Beekeeper

spilledmilk :  So, I agree with you that a lot of our sexual preferences have to do with how we have been socialized and are probably rooted in various phobias to some degree. But, when it comes to romantic relationships, I do not agree that there is ever any obligation to force yourself to be comfortable with something you are not just to prove to the masses that you’re not bigoted or something. If a heterosexual person wants to date other heterosexuals, that is their perogative, just as a bisexual person is welcome to exclusively date other bisexual people or whatever.

Post # 122
Member
3140 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

pinkflamingos :  yeah, it is discrimination. Just like not dating a black person solely because they are black would be racism. You are not forced to date anyone or have sex with anyone, but there’s no denying that some “preferences” are rooted in bigotry. 

Post # 123
Member
24 posts
Newbee

If a bisexual tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it….

OP, you have not revisited this thread, probably because you are now even more confused 🙂

I’m curious, have you actually ASKED your SO whether he thinks he might be bisexual (in a non-threatening, neutral way)? To me it sounded like you guys are pretty open to communicating about this kind of thing. If not, most of this back and forth is just speculation.

The question of whether choosing not to date bisexual people is discrimination is an important one, since, as previous posters have said, it is a fact that simply is not relevant to how they might behave in a relationship. If we’re doing comparisons (which is usually unhelpful), it would be more like someone saying that they don’t date left-handed people than someone saying that they don’t date Republicans (I think I’ve stumbled upon my orientation!). And, whether we like to acknowledge it or not, a distrust of bisexual partners is something that is often rooted in misunderstanding than preference. Sure, you can choose to date or not date whomever you like, but maybe anyone who refuses to date bisexual people on principle should take the time to ask themselves what their reasoning is, whether it’s rooted in fear or insecurity or just plain ignorance.

 

 

Post # 124
Member
2509 posts
Sugar bee

Oh ffs, why are people here so afraid to call a spade a spade? OP’s fiance is into male on male porn and it bothers her understandably. Not wanting to date someone who is bi does not mean you are homophobic or biphobic or whatever. Human sexuality doesn’t work that way. You can be perfectly tolerant of an individual’s sexual orientation while at the same time not be sexually attracted to him or her.

OP, I have yet to hear of any straight man who browses exclusively male on male porn. Given his background, the chances that your fiance is totally straight are slim. 

Post # 125
Member
838 posts
Busy bee

I’m going to just call a spade a spade here since no one has actually offered a legitimate reason for why someone would not want to date a bisexual and say that it’s either because-

-You’re assuming that they will cheat on you as they can’t be fulfilled by just one gender/sex

-You have negative views about male-male sexual attraction (I.e. you find it disgusting/unmanly) and as such it turns you off to know your partner is sexually attracted to men as well as women

Because I’m just struggling to see that unless you were prejudice or homophobic why on earth someone being attracted to men and women would mean they were no longer a suitable partner or attractive to you anymore. It literally does not change anything about your relationship or who that person is.

It’s like thinking someone is white and then suddenly upon finding out they’re actually mixed race deciding that’s not “your preference” and trying to say it’s not because you’re racist. 

If this situation was reversed and it was a man posting about his girlfriend the comments would be completely different. 

Post # 126
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

sunburn :  You can be perfectly tolerant of an individual’s sexual orientation while at the same time not be sexually attracted to him or her.

This is where I think things start to feel a little bit homo/biphobic. I don’t believe that it affects us in any way who our partner’s are sexually attracted to, as long as they are also attracted to us. To me, it doesn’t make sense to say “I’m not sexually attracted to bisexual people”.

That would be like saying “I’m not attracted to men who are attracted to blondes”. It doesn’t matter if my husband is attracted to short women or blonde men. As long as he finds me attractive and we have a good relationship, his personal attractions literally could not affect me any less. 

I’ve never heard of someone breaking off a relationship because their partner has a thing for blonde women. So why would you break up with someone because they find people of the opposite sex attractive? That’s where things definitely start to seem homophobic. 

Post # 127
Member
9347 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

Man this thread is confusing. 

Post # 128
Member
360 posts
Helper bee

The question still remains – why the snooping????

Post # 129
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Montego Bay, Jamaica

I just read all 9 pages and I still REALLY want to know how the OP accidentally went through her man’s browser history. Come on now! 

Post # 130
Member
2509 posts
Sugar bee

Sigh. It’s not a one size fits all. It is this particular situation. 

Because someone who has been raised in a cloistered atmosphere and has had only one relationship is probably now starting to discover what turns them on. This is surprisingly common for men raised in ultra religious families. The gay needs to be tamped down in order to fit in and be accepted. These men may try the hetero thing, and have wonderful relationships with women – and have children, but they are turned on by men and sooner or later there is the fear it will come out. 

The people I have known who identified as bi were overwhelmingly more attracted to either men or women. In many cases there was just one episode with a person off the same gender. In many cases it was simply exploration. I firmly believe there are very few people who are equally attracted to both men and women. But this is my opinion, to which I am entitled.  The brain is the most important sex organ and I’m not so naive as to think that a person has prejudices because of who they find themselves sexually attracted to. 

Over and out.

Post # 131
Hostess
9316 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

Closing for review

The topic ‘Fiance caught watching homosexual porn, but says it means nothing.’ is closed to new replies.

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