(Closed) Fiance cheated advice needed :(

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 123
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Four years is nothing compared to a lifetime together filled with cheating and lies.  He already did it to you more than once and he is used to coming to you and filling your ears with wonderful things knowing full well you’ll fall for him again and again..I had an exboyfriend that for two years did the same thing to me, over and over again, and as much as I thought I was in love with him, I had to accept and admit to myself that he didn’t respect me at all, and he was with me because I was a sure thing to him.  This is exactly what it looks like with you.  One time cheating shame on him, but twice, shame on you.  You deserve so much better than him, and as much as you think he can change, you are NOT married yet.  Marriage is not easy as it is, why start it with this baggage on top of everything else.  Be alone for a while, even if it’s hard, like my mom once told me, no one has died of a broken heart.  Be strong and quit it while you have a chance.  He sounds like a slimeball to be honest.  Once he has lost respect, you will never gain it back.  Good luck, and I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.

Post # 124
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

(( HUGS )) to you

Honestly ???

If this was me in your shoes, I’d be done.

Not only did he cheat on you…

But he did so AFTER you two were Enaged.

IF he can’t be faithful when he is suposed to be MADLY DEEPLY TRULY in Love, I’d say chances are slim to none that he can be faithful for the next 50 years

He not only CHEATED, he also LIED to you a multitude of times as this was an ONGONG AFFAIR

The ONLY reason he’s come clean is because he got caught, and someone was going to reveal his DIRTY DARK SECRET

Sorry, not Quality Marriage Material

I’d be done, I’d be gone

(Infact I would have been gone on with my life a lot sooner than you have… I never would have taken him back months ago if I had known that he was seeing someone else while dating me at the same time)

Hon, I’d call it a day and move on.

There are men out there who will treat you better than this… and YOU DESERVE BETTER

Why spend the rest of your life wondering WHERE he is, WHO he is with ???

Too much pain.

There are far better things to do with your time and energies when you are Married.

As other Bees have pointed out you are looking at the time you’ve put into this Relationship so far

What about the months & years you’ll put in down the road, and wake up one day to find out they were a waste too ???

Don’t CHEAT YOURSELF out of those… as Greg Behrendt says in his book “He’s Just Not That Into You” (a good read BTW)…

DO NOT WASTE THE PRETTY ON THOSE THAT DON’T DESERVE IT (another words your Youth)

Breaking up is hard.  Breaking an Engagement harder for sure.

BUT DIVORCE IS A LIVING NIGHTMARE / H3LL… this from someone who has been down that road and wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy

I think deep down you know this relationship / marriage is doomed… (otherwise WHY ask)

Trust your gut instinct (I certainly wish I had some 30+ years ago… I wouldn’t have spent so long trapped in a Marriage that was awful, praying & hoping it would get better because I couldn’t get past the concept of time put in, and shame that I’d feel for leaving)

THERE IS NO SHAME IN TAKING CARE OF YOU IF YOU ARE IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE SOME ONE ELSE IS AT FAULT

HE CHEATED… he is the bad-guy here, not you.

Hope this helps,

(( HUGS ))

 

Post # 125
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My doll,

You need to leave him. I know that 4 years is a long time to committ to someone and that starting over is a scary thought. BUT this man will not change.. He disresepected you and your feelings and your relationship for another woman. He had sex with her in your house !! That would devestate me to the point that I would never trust him ever again. I would never look at him the same. Like other bees have said, he probably is pushing you to get married to secure his finances, bc heck he’ll get half of everything if you guys divorce.

Do not waste your time. You will find someone to love and respect you -whowould never dream of hurting you.

red flags everywhere.

Post # 126
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

She made it clear that she is staying with him…if you didn’t read her initial post. 

 

Fast forward a couple months. I decided to forgive him. he seems sincere.  wedding is still set in a few months. we have even taken some trips together.   please be patient as i ask for advice. do you think i have anything to  worry about. he has not talked to her since. i dont want to make a mistake. i  know he only told me of the cheating because the husband was going to but i do  feel he is sincere and loves me and is ready for marriage. He was scared both  times of commitment but seems sure now.

 

Unfortunately I don’t think there is anything you can say that’ll change that. Some people end up ‘normalizing’ situations, so they don’t see anything wrong because it’s all they know.

you guys all gave great advice but it’s something that’s literally up to her, kind of like alcohol addiction (sorry if that’s a bad analogy) but really any addiction, she’s in denial.

 

Post # 127
Member
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

View original reply
@lost2013:  he doesn’t love you, and he will cheat on you again. There’s no ifs ands or buts about it. unless you crave an unhappy life filled with cheating and lies, leave his not-sorry ass. 

Post # 128
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@lost2013:  For me personaly I would leave him.  These kind of behaviours always seem to come back around.  You deserve someone who will love you, and only you.

I don’t have time or room in my life for a cheater.  In the end it is up to you.  But I don’t beleive that if the opportunity presented itself again, that he would pass it up.  

Sorry. 

 

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