(Closed) Fiancé cheated, now what?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
11339 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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lovelaughliveee :  

Besides this he’s really a great man . .  

Other than that, Mrs Lincoln, how did you like the play?

Post # 17
Member
1277 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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lovelaughliveee :  If he’s that easily influenced by his coworkers, I can only imagine what he’d do in the company of friends. 

There’s no trust here. I don’t think he can even trust himself enough to promise you it won’t happen again. Sorry bee, but I’d move on. 

Post # 18
Member
597 posts
Busy bee

echomomm :  “I don’t really understand one post on a wedding site asking for comments on his cheating, either, but that’s just me.”

There seems to be daily one post accounts asking for advice on emotionally charged issues. 

Post # 19
Member
1393 posts
Bumble bee

What the fuck kind of career requires you to go to strip clubs and get hand jobs for work advancement?!

Post # 20
Member
3029 posts
Sugar bee

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bumblebug :  That’s what I was thinking!!! 

Post # 21
Member
269 posts
Helper bee

(Comment deleted for violation of TOS)

Post # 22
Member
11389 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Guys please don’t insinuate that a poster is a troll. If you suspect it, flag it and the mod team will assess it. Suggesting someone is a “troll” is a violation of the TOS and if you post here, you know that. 

Post # 24
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Here’s the thing…

He wants you to believe that he got something less than sex from a sex worker. It’s like saying “Yeah, I went to Papa Johns 6 times and didn’t get pizza. I just got pepperoni!” If you believe that you’re a fool. Secondly, he’s in a business where he has to go to strip clubs for advancement? I have nothing against strip clubs or even sex workers for that matter, but a man who must go once a month “for work” doesn’t sound like marriage material. It sounds like someone who loves the strip club and sold you a pack of lies to make it easier for him to be there frequently.

 Also, unless he plans to quick his job and change fields, if you stay how is he going to survive temptation when he has to go there over and over again for work in the months to come? According to him he’s hooked. Would you trust  a junkie to stay clean in a drug den? 

Either way, if you decided to stay (which you shouldn’t) postpone the wedding. You have no idea how this is going to shake out, he still telling half truths and it may take months or years for you to learn the whole truth. Cheating is like dandruff. Even when you think your scalp is clean, all you have to do is shake a little bit and the flakes start to fall. 

You should postpone your wedding. You clearly don’t know what hand you’ve got. If you don’t flat out dump him, at least take time to get to know the person you’re sleeping with every night. 

 

Post # 25
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

Leave. There is no excuse for what he’s done and so many times too. If you absolutely won’t leave, then at the very least cancel the wedding. Marrying this man would be a huge mistake.

Post # 26
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

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lovelaughliveee :  oh girly.. dump him.. you deserve so much better. I know it’s hard to just throw away the past 7/8 years. But it’s for the best.. what happens to the years to come?.. there could be a chance he does this again, and you shouldn’t go through this pain twice.

Post # 27
Member
775 posts
Busy bee

 

I guess you already made up on your mind about NOT leaving him. It is going to be a difficult life for the next few years. Don’t worry, we’re here to pick up the pieces for you. But we can’t guarantee how many pieces we actually end up picking up. 

Post # 28
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

it seems like you are interested in remaining in the relationship.clearly trust is going to be a major issue going forth. 

have you ever considered exploring an open relationship? is it the fact that he’s been doing these things that bothers you, the fact that he’s lied about it, or both?

Post # 29
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve heared about giving handjobs for the boss for career advancement…not getting one youself from a prostitute. I also thought these types of jobs stopped exciting.

We have a lot of problems here. You say that he promised not to engage sexual contact with these women. It’s worrying this is a conversation you had to have. He also did this multiple times. If it was one handjob once then I could see that being true, but multiple “just” hj’s sounds iffy. He also likely participated into human trafficking which is a problem for me. He also used work as an excuse but still did it on his free time.He also admittd he has sex addiction. He also wasn’t honest about it you had to pull it out from him.

It is great you moved pass your cheating, but it doesn’t work in a way that you have to forgive him now and you are even. I would not be able to get pass this. But if you are able to work on this and be with him without any bitterness then go ahead work on it. Or as PP suggested, what part of this bothers you? everyone doesn’t have to be monogamous.

Post # 30
Member
11339 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

 

If he is truly a sex addict and not throwing that out there as an attempt at an excuse, he needs to be in treatment.  Addiction of any kind is not something he can manage on his own.

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