(Closed) Fiance cheated on me Friday night….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh dear – I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.

First thing you need to do is get yourselves to couples counseling. This is going to be an extremely difficult thing to get over for you, and you need to figure out if you even can get over it first. A counselor is going to be able to help you determine if you will ever be able to trust your Fiance again, and not hold this over his head for the rest of his life.

I wish you lots of luck and keep us posted.

Post # 4
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

My heart is breaking for you – I wish I could come give you a big hug.

I have no real advice for you – but if you decide to stay with him and you truly know you can never really forgive him, it is much better to cut your losses and move on.  It is far easier to end an engagement than a marriage.

Post # 5
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@kryptonite77: I honestly wish I had words of wisdom, but I will send you ((hugs)) instead for now.

I personally don’t think I could ever move past such a thing in my own relationship. Did he have an excuse/explanation as to why he thought it was okay to do something like this?

Post # 6
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I second what @Linz1231: said. She is 100% spot on.

Post # 7
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Linz1231: I agree with you.

OP: I am so sorry sweetie, my heart hurt just reading this and I wish you two the best in whatever you choose to do 🙁

Post # 8
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i’m so sorry you have to go through this.

get yourself to couples counseling immediately! you might benefit from individual counseling as well to help with the trust and resentment issues.

good luck. i hope everything works out.

Post # 9
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

well, it sounds like you still want to bewith him, but you aren’t sure about getting married.  you don’t have to decide right now.  how much money has been put down?

if you can, this would be my advice:  don’t think about the wedding right now.  don’t make any more wedding plans.  effectively, don’t consider yourself engaged.  you need to figure out first if your relationship can be salvaged at all, let alone having to worry about the possibility of marriage.

secondly, be very careful who you tell about this.  if you DO decide to stay with him, you could have friends that will forever be resentful of this guy and never fully accept him.

that being said, you do need someone that you can talk all this through with.  counselling is a great idea- even if it is just you. 

im so, so sorry this happened to you. sending love your way.

Post # 10
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I forgot to mention that your FI needs to get tested ASAP for any Save-The-Date Cards. If you choose to continue to work things out, you need to know that the person he slept with didn’t have anything that can harm you. It is bad enough you have to suffer from his screw up emotionally…you don’t need to suffer physically.

Post # 12
Member
3575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Linz1231: ditto.  Well said.

 

I’m sorry to hear this happened to you.  For me, I wouldn’t be able to get over it.  And the trust…oh my…that would take forever for me to rebuild.  I couldn’t do it.

Post # 13
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you just got engaged in May of last year and he is cheating already thats really not a good sign. I personally never believe in alcohol as an excuse for bad behaviour of any kind. But ultimately you have to think about it and make a decision you can live with.

Post # 14
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

Did he say what he was feeling or why he did it? Does he remember how he rationalized cheating in his mind when he was drunk? Just curious…

I can’t imagine what you are going through and I don’t have any sound advice other than follow YOUR heart and your gut on this. I agree to not tell friends and family right now bc if your girlfriends are anything like mine they will tell you to dump him immediately. You really need to listen to yourself on this one bc ultimately you will be the one living with him for the rest of your life, not them. It’s easy for people to just say leave him when they don’t have to live through the hurt.

You may want to also consider maybe putting the wedding on hold for a little bit if you can so ya’ll can get some counseling and try to sort this out and heal before you walk down the aisle. I know that may not be easy since I’m sure you have a dozen or so vendors involved but I would definitely try to work on this hard core before you walk down the aisle.

Good luck and we are all here for you!!

 

 

Post # 15
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry honey. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. I, too, have been cheated on in the past, and the memories I have of those relationships are so tainted now. I don’t know if I were in your shoes how I would feel or if I could get past it. I think @2PeasinaPod is right, you should seek both individual and couples counselling. Give things a few days, take some time and distance. If you know you’ll never get through this, I agree with @lindsay, it may be better to move on.

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