(Closed) Fiance cheated on me Friday night….

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 152
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

@kryptonite77:  Good luck!  It takes a special person to confess something that no one may find out, and an even more special person to grant complete forgiveness.  If the both of it have it in you, by all means, go for it.  Keep us updated. 🙂

Post # 153
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Thanks for coming back and giving us an update, Kryptonite! I hope a therapist can help you  process your feelings on the situation, and I wish you all the strength and luck on the path you’ve chosen. All the best to you!

Post # 154
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

Good luck, and I hope you both have a wonderful life together. I know it’s going to be a hard road for you both, but in the end you just might be stronger from all of this.

Post # 155
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Best of luck. I’m happy to learn you are both willing to take charge and make the best of your future together. 🙂

Post # 156
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I suggest holding the wedding at a later date. 6months from the time planned. You need time to think and tell him so. He might be a wonderful guy and made a mistake but you shouldn’t just let it pass. You will have the rest of your life together, he needs to know that this isn’t the type of behavior you deserve.

 

Also, alcohol doesn’t change too much about a persons actions. It only enhances what they wanted to do in the first place. People don’t turn into a different human with too much alcohol. So I would say he wanted to do it although he now regrets it because he realizes you are more important. Its great he acknowledged it.

 

How old are you? Just asking because he might still have a little bit of youth on his side. Those actions may stop now. I am hoping that for you. I am also hoping you take time to really talk seriously with him and also give yourself time to think. Crying apologizes may be dramatic and seemingly genuine but not really.

 

Get to the root of the problem and don’t blame it on the alcohol.

Post # 157
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@kryptonite77:  I wish you the best of luck in staying together and making things work.  As another “survivor” I’m here to talk if you ever need someone.  Something that surprised me is that I’ve actually had an easier time forgiving him than he has had forgiving himself.  I can watch shows and movies with infidelity (you’ll be amazed at how prevalent this theme is, it’s freaking everywhere) in them and be fine.  It still shakes him to the core and brings back the shame.  It’s a long road but I believe it to be worth it.  Again, good luck.

Post # 158
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

That is pretty awful that he is putting you through this, whether he meant to or not. No one ever deserves to be cheated on, no matter what.

I agree with everyone who says you need couples counseling but I think you should talk to a counselor on your own as well. A counselor will be a completely removed, unbiases party that will be able to help you figure out if you are truly able to move past this. I, like some of the other bees, would not be able to move past it because I have been cheated on before too. It is VERY hard to get that trust back so you need to be in the right state of mind. He should see someone on his own too, maybe he isn’t emotionally ready to be married and this is how it got expressed (I have no idea though). Either way, counseling needs to happen for both of you separately and together.

Don’t make the mistake of getting married until you have this resolved in your own heart. Deposits can be returned… Good luck with all of this!

Post # 159
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

I feel bad for you OP, I do. I think being too drunk to realize what you’re doing is BS though. Would you shoot someone when you’re drunk? I wouldn’t because I still know it’s wrong. You STILL know what’s right and what’s wrong when you’re drunk. I’m not perfect and have no idea what I would do in this situation. I’m just saying the drunk excuse is flawed. 

Post # 160
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I know I am posting late, but I hope you see this.

My two cents: (most people arent gonna agree with me on this one)

First of all, I abhor cheating and am disgusted by it. However, I think there is a huge difference between carrying on a relationship with someone else, and/or willfully deceiving the person you are supposed to love, and making a one-off mistake. THe bottom line is, everybody makes mistakes, EVERYBODY. Drinking doesnt excuse anything, but it does explain a bit. It is so horrible what he did, and yet, if he had never told you, you probably would never have known. I’m guessing his friends (if they knew) would have covered for him, that’s how guys are. THe fact that he was so disgusted by his actions (from the vomiting it seems he sincerely is), and that instead of doing the easy thing (hiding it from you) he did the incredibly courageous thing of admitting it IMMEDIATELY, says a lot. He knows he risks losing you (esp because of your history) but he obviously loves you enough and respects you enough to give you the truth.

THe sad statistics show that a huge number of husbands and wives cheat, some get caught, some don’t, some admit it, some don’t. I may sound old fashioned but it isnt the worst thing you can do to someone, especially if it is a one time thing, and one admit it openly. I think an emotional but non-sexual relationship with someone is worst than a one night stand. Your man might be an idiot, but his is a brave and (I know it sounds crazy) honorable one. As I said, everybody makes mistakes. But it takes a rare person to own up to it and face the consequences.

Only you can make this decision of course, but if he is the wonderful loving man you say he is, give him another chance. I bet you it will never happen again.  Having said all this, I do agree you should postpone the engagement and seek couseling. Hope it all works out, keep us updated!

HUG

Post # 161
Member
5104 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MsInterpret: That’s the best advice ever! Well said.

Post # 162
Member
10713 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

='( I’ve been there.. my ex fiance cheated on me and I had to find out from that girl telling me while I was at a carnival with my son. My ex denied it up and down for about 3 months until I freaked hardcore and he finally cracked. I’m so sorry, I remember the pain of it all and I feel for you.

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