(Closed) fiance cheated on me PLEASE HELP ME!

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow. What a horrible mess.First, I am so sorry this happened to you.

If nothing happened between them, why did he lie the when you saw the number the first time? If your relationship is “rocky” then the person he needs to talk to is YOU! I believe when two people decide to get married, it’s almost as good as being married. Forsaking all others and all that. I would call the whole relationship off. I know you love him, but he needs to know that he cannot do that to you. Make him work for your trust again.

Post # 4
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m very sorry this happened to you. Best advice i can give is that you need to create some time. So – stop wedding planning. End the engagement. You might stay together after working on your relationship or you might not but you don’t need the pressure of getting married.

Best of luck

Post # 6
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Do you want support with this decision or do you want me to point out why i think it might be a poor choice? 

Post # 7
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Mollytov: I agree completely.

I think that, in lieu of this drama, it is best to end the engagement, but maybe not the relationship. That will depend on if you think you can forgive him and trust him again, which is obviously a personal choice. If the relationship is still new (it sounds like it is/might be?) then there is a lot to work out before a marriage would be considerable.

Post # 8
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@love4sean: You really want to marry someone you think is cheating on you after being together for a matter of months? I’m not going to pretend like I think that is a wise decision. If you’re going to do it anyway, then I really don’t have anything else to say..

Post # 9
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh, dear @love4sean, what a terrible situation for you and your Fiance. The hurt of betrayal is so sharp and a difficult one to overcome. *hugs*

I have to agree with @Mollytov about putting wedding plans on the backburner. If you want to go forward and marry him, it seems a good idea to postpone and shift attention on how to rebuild trust and communication as the foundation for a strong marriage…

 

Post # 12
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Go to marriagebuilders.com now!

Check out the forum and there is one for those who are victims of infidelity.

I follow Dr. Harley’s advice for a healthy marriage btw.

You need answers and answers quick.  Logical and sane answers. 

What bothers me honestly, and you should go there and ask these hard questions and let them know your situation, is (what I gleaned from your post) that he was apparently cheating on another girl when he began dating you.  Am I right?

If so, you have possibly a serial cheater on your hands.  I was married to one and trust me, I do not wish this on anybody at all.  And I can also tell you, going thru this, a divorce, with a child is much much more difficult than ending a relationship before you are a parent, and before your assets are joined.

It is easier to end things before there are legalities involved. 

So go there, post on the site for those hurting from infidelity and put your situation up there and ask for feedback.  You’ll get it.  Then you need to either go to a counselor or your minister or get some coaching from a professional ( myself had conference via phone w/Dr. Harley) and decide what you are going to do…and then do it.

I wish you well, but sadly, this is scary considering this is something which seems to be a pattern for your fiance.   And for me, that would be something I will not tolerate.

Post # 13
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@AmeliaBedelia: Exactly what I was thinking….

I am sorry but it TO ME I think getting married is not the best idea right now… if he has the history of cheating and he cheated on you… he is most likely going to do it again. I would try to figure things out before continuing with the marriage plans…

Post # 14
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

…Is talking with an ex cheating?  You threw a temper tantrum and he didn’t break things off?  You acknowledge she’s a psycho and wants revenge?  

Take a step back.  You screamed, broke things, tore up photos, spat at him over texts from a psycho jealous ex.  Why would she send 50 texts if she was with him at the time?  You said he’s going through stuff with his family.  If you get THAT angry before he has a chance to explain, how can he bring things up to you directly?  Does he have loads of female friends to go to when he wants to know how to handle a situation with you?  So he saw other people before you were official – you weren’t “official”, so it shouldn’t matter.  

It sounds like she pressed for marriage from the 5 month point on, and he eventually got sick of it.  Some people consider “yeah, we can get married someday” a proposal.  Maybe he was almost as serious with her, but found out she’s a psycho and broke it off.  Heck, I was previously engaged, but I broke things off when I found out the guy was ritualistically slaughtering his neighbor’s sheep (crossed my crazy threshhold there.)  I got call after call, e-mail after e-mail, letter after letter from my ex for almost a year after I broke it off.  I’d take his calls for the first three months before I realized he wouldn’t stop.  It took six months of ignoring his calls for him to stop.  He showed up at one of his exes’ weddings and threatened to kill the groom (this is why there is NO engagement announcement in my hometown.  I am not letting him know when and where I’m getting married.  I may ask my dad to have a firearm on hand in case he figures it out.)  Crazy exes are crazy, and there’s little the non-psycho party can do about it.  

I’m not saying you’re wrong to feel betrayed, and maybe we don’t have the full story.  Just try to look at it from his perspective.

ETA:  I deleted my ex’ number from my phone as soon as we broke up.  I didn’t know his number.  If I looked at the number and it was from my hometown and NOT my parents’ phone, I ignored it.  Basically refused to acknowledge his existence until he left me alone.  Maybe it’d been long enough that he legitimately didn’t know her number.

Post # 15
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Let me get this straight. He has talked and texted with his ex, yes? He has not had physical contact with her (in person, sexual, kissing), correct? She lied about him kissing her in the car, right? He has NOT been with her in person in any way, has not messed around with her, has not been sexually active with her, yes?

Then how is simply talking/texting a person cheating on you?

Unless he was sexting her or they were sending nude images of themselves to each other, I do not see how conversation and texts are cheating.

ETA = I did not see any mention of him cheating on her in the past, Cyndistar. Where did you get THAT from?

The topic ‘fiance cheated on me PLEASE HELP ME!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors