(Closed) fiance cheated on me PLEASE HELP ME!

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m sorry, how did he cheat on you? Talking to this other girl on the phone isn’t cheating. You even admitted that SHE lied about what they did together. I’m confused…

Post # 17
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry, but if my FH did this to me I would leave him. At the very least, cancel the engagement. If you still want to be with him, he needs to EARN you back. He lied to you when confronted, and it seems like he left you on your birthday to go talk to her. Even if they weren’t physically involved, that’s a pretty huge lie. He’s been telling his “psycho” ex about VERY personal things that should be discussed between just you and him. She has no place in your bedroom, and he shouldn’t be talking to an ex he bumped into about that. If he isn’t comfortable discussing finances or sex with you, then you guys need to work on conversation IMMEDIATELY. You can’t marry someone you can’t talk to openly.

Post # 18
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@cyneswith: If you get THAT angry before he has a chance to explain, how can he bring things up to you directly?

This.  My thoughts exactly.  It’s sad that he didn’t go to you first to talk about his feelings.  He should have, but the fact he didn’t suggests he couldn’t talk to you honestly without some consequence.  I hope it’s just a giant misunderstanding, a breakdown in communication, that you two can work together to rebuild and make stronger.

Post # 19
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@HuisWife: I was refering to the fact that she said he was with another woman when they got together (even if it was unofficial)

Post # 20
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m not trying to be harsh as it sounds like you’re really emotional right now. From reading your posts, it sounds to me like you are not ready for marriage. This is a huge lifetime commitment. From reading your postings, it sounds like you are not mature enough yet to make this commitment.

Think about spending more time focusing on your relationships with your family, with his family, and especially with him. At the end of the day, a wedding is one day and a marriage is a lifetime -this might sound like a cliche but it’s true. Your writings about your father, about his mother, and now this ugly fight that the two of you had all makes me believe you are not yet ready. The fact that you threw things, spit, and called his ex girlfriend an ugly name are just a few examples that make me think you are acting out and not thinking clearly.  I suggest a longer engagement so you can take some time to process what you’re getting into.

I tell you my opinion as a complete stranger only so that you can step outside of your situation for a second and look at it with different eyes. 😉

Post # 21
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

this is a really major issue between you and your Fiance. do you really want to seek advice from a bunch of strangers? all we know is that he was talking a lot to his ex, he lied, and you had this really bad fight, but we don’t know anything else about you two. for all we know, this is the only fight you have ever had and maybe otherwise, you have the best relationship ever.  or maybe you fight all the time. but we don’t know that. the point is,  thinking about whether or not to break off the engagement is a major decision. maybe you should seek the advice of a couples counselor.

the only advice I could feel ok giving to you is: don’t marry him unless you have totally straightened things out and you feel like you can trust him 100%

I’m really sorry your relationship is on the rocks and I hope things start looking up for you soon.

Post # 22
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

In past posts, OP, you said his parents don’t like you and his sister doesn’t like you. Do you think he’s going to go to them for advice? Do you think he’s going to admit to his guy friends that he’s being sexually rejected? And, he could’ve talked to her because she might be the only female he feels comfortable with or knows well to get a female’s perspective on things from.

OP – have you discussed why you’ve been sexually rejecting your FI? Did you have a calm conversation or did you explode on him like you did over this? Because if you haven’t, he’s probably trying to figure out what’s going on.

Post # 23
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

the ex is always the psycho…. The fact is crazy or not he had made contact with her and that is whom should be considered the crazy one. I am tired of females always calling the other female out instead of the person whom they are in a relationship with.

 

On that note please call the engagment off and then try to work things out. But IMO I would never be emotionally able to trust that man again.

Post # 24
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry but my honest advice: You guys are so far from being ready to get married. He thinks your relationship is rocky, he’s turned to his ex Girlfriend, you didn’t wait for an explanation before going all out and accusing him of cheating (now since this is a high stress situation, I understand that you were very upset and not thinking clearly…but it’s just an additional reason that maybe right now isn’t the time to get married). You’ve only been together for a year and a half. If you’re having these kinds of problems now, I can only imagine what it will be like in the future. I’m not saying to break up, but y’all need some serious help and you need to delay the wedding. These problems are not going to disappear. Don’t fool yourself into believing they will, and don’t enter a marriage when these kinds of problems exist.

Post # 25
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Cyndistar – if he was with his ex when he started to date the OP, then he was cheating on the EX.

Post # 26
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
@HuisWife: I think that was her point. He has a history of cheating, period. Cheating on other women is still cheating and is still a problem.

Post # 27
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

OP – aren’t you doing the same thing he did? Dragging your relationship and bedroom issues to thousands of people on the internet? So, are you cheating on him by discussing your issues with us? Who knows … someone here might know you or your Fiance IRL.

Post # 28
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@HuisWife: I know, if you would read it correctly I didn’t say that he cheated on her the first time… just stating that he has cheated before. Cheating is cheating and when he has cheated multiple times before (even if once wasn’t with on her) there is a chance it will continue.

Post # 29
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Cyndi stated that he cheated on the OP. I merely pointed out that he didn’t, he cheated on the Ex.

While I agree that he cheated in the past, he did not cheat on the OP. That was the point I was making, thankyouverymuch.

Post # 30
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Cyndistar – look at what you wrote (I bolded it to help you) as I quoted from above:

cyndistar3 (message) October 29, 2011 Rathdrum ID

@AmeliaBedelia: Exactly what I was thinking….

I am sorry but it TO ME I think getting married is not the best idea right now… if he has the history of cheating and he cheated on you … he is most likely going to do it again. I would try to figure things out before continuing with the marriage plans…

So, tell me again that you didn’t say that.

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