(Closed) fiance cheated on me PLEASE HELP ME!

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
198 posts
Blushing bee

For everyone asking how old the OP is, I was reading some of her other posts and she mentions in one that she’ll be 24 at the time of her wedding.

Post # 47
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

There’s too much to even weed through, so I’ll just say neither of you seem emotionally mature enough for marriage. The relationship seems like it got off to a questionable start at best. Marrying this guy would be a mistake.

Post # 48
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

this guy sounds like a clown, and not someone you want to spend your whole life with.  if you can’t trust him now, you never will, and you deserve better.

Post # 51
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It sounds like you guys need some time to work things out…I would say put the wedding on hold and figure things out for you two…who knows, you may get married a year from now, but right now you both need some clarity…

Post # 52
1643 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@littlemissmango: I think she maybe was saying that they will have been together for a year and a half at the time of the wedding. Her profile says the engagement date was March 10, 2010. Almost a year ago. And they started dating 2 months before that (WHOOAAAAA!!!!). So in four months they’re (at least as of today) getting married. That’ll be a year and a half. 

Now–some people get engaged after a year and have a six month engagement. Some people get engaged after six months and have a year engagement. I think the long engagement on your part was a wise decision. But still–your relationship reeks of issues. None of us are there personally and thus can’t really make a judgement call, but you’ve presented us with nothing positive.

Let us know what ends up happening.

Post # 53
1643 posts
Bumble bee

I just saw the post where OP said they’ve been together for a year and a half. Was that what you meant? Cause that’s definitely what you said…

Post # 54
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

So did he actually cheat (like kissing, sexting, etc)? Or was he just talking to his ex?

Post # 55
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Er… alright. When I looked at her bio yesterday it said an engagement date of July 2010. So two months before that was what I was going with. And yeah, whoah. lol.

Post # 57
2432 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m going to echo what others have said here. I don’t know if your relationship can handle the stress of marriage and making joint decisions together if you cannot go to one another to discuss serious problems — at least right now.

I would suggest going for couples counseling. If you’re religious, you might consider getting counseling from the clergy. If I were in your shoes, I’d be opening the yellow pages and finding a couples therapy counselor first thing in the morning.

Also, I would strongly recommend calling off the wedding, or at least postponing it, for the time being. A strong, healthy marriage is the goal of a wedding. Going through a rough breakup now would be 100x easier than going through a messy (not to mention expensive) divorce later.

Also, if he isn’t willing to enter therapy, I suggest you seek out a therapist yourself to work through this current situation. It is best to make decisions for the future with a rational mind, which is very difficult when you’re feeling so emotionally charged. My suggestion would be to give it a week where you’re not doing anything wedding-related and simply trying to communicate with your fiance and planning where to go from here. After the week, re-evaluate the situation. But be very cautious about heading to the altar in just 4 months. Although your relationship may be able to weather this storm, I would recommend at least 9-12 months to work on your communication and trust in one another before making a marriage commitment.

It may be best to say “Just not right now” instead of “not ever” in terms of a wedding. At least for the time being. Also, listen to your support group. Are your friends, siblings, parents or anyone else raising concerns about the relationship? Not that others can make decisions for you, but sometimes people around you may notice some red flags you’ve overlooked.

Good luck and take care.

Post # 59
1643 posts
Bumble bee

I feel like there are a whole lot more issues here than just the relationship. I’m glad you’re going into therapy. Some of the stuff you said you did screams of emotional and mental instability. 

I’m assuming your Fiance now knows that what he was doing was completely inappropriate, right?

I also need to know that you understand that–if there was no “sexting” or physical touching, etc–he did not cheat on you.

I would, however, have trouble trusting someone who went to their ex with issues in the current relationship. Trouble in paradise is an understatement.

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