Post # 75
This is just my opinion….
We’ve all had fights were we say something we don’t mean and/or do something we wish we can take back. We’re hurt and act based on emotions, not our brain. It happens. We’re only human. Mature relationships recover from things like this; it is much easier to give up and leave and not deal with the problems at hand.
If there are bigger problems in the relationship than what you’ve told us, then I would take some time before you get married. If you love someone so much that it hurts, what is the rush to get to the alter? You’re together now and you’ll still be together years from now, whether or not you’re “legally” married.
Do you think that he might have not been honest about talking to his ex, because he knew how you would react? Some people, my Fiance included, like to avoid the emotional drama at all costs. Or do you think that he just flat out lied to you because something more is happening? Follow your intuition hon…it’ll all work out for the best. Good luck!
Post # 76
i agree with your first paragraph but i’m sorry..the OP’s story sounds like one of my relationships when i was 19. just completely emotionally immature with no trust, spitting in faces, etc.. they are not ready for marriage in the least bit! and i can tell already that she will have a very hard time moving on and forgetting (goes hand in hand with forgiving) what he did to her.
it’s best to just move on and do some personal and much needed growing.
Post # 77
Best of luck in therapy! I hope that you are each able to openly and honestly address your concerns.
Most of all, I hope that you are each able to listen to what your SO says, and that you will implement the suggestions of the therapist.
All the best.
Post # 78
@Gina-Marie: “I was in a relationship quite a while ago…not saying yours will turn out like this, BUT, my boyfriend I caught texting his ex…just casual you know here and there…then turns out..they were “sexting” yep, naked pics of her on his phone…so I got mad but hey I was stupid and forgave him..you guessed it…they weren’t just “Sexting” on no they were “sexing” and I was little miss niave being cheated on for a year. Where there’s smoke there’s fire….I can’t tell you what it feels like to be with someone who NEVER gives you that nervous feeling that you wonder, where is he, what is he doing, I want to look thru his phone – it’s the best feeling in the world not to wonder – that’s the grounds for a marriage, the security, trust and bond, and let’s not forget, respect. I can’t respect you if I don’t trust you.”
Every single thing you said here is 100% truth! Very nicely put. Especially the part about being with someone you never worry about. I too have been in both situations and once I experienced the not worrying, I said I would NEVER be with a guy again whom I doubted his whereabouts or the words coming out of his mouth. I think once you experience true trust, you never go back (if you have half a brain and self respect).
I have so much trust in my husband, that if some skanky girl were to come up to me and say, “I’m having sex with your husband” I would laugh and say “No you aren’t” lol it feels great!
Post # 79
Exactly what you said. I feel the same trust with my husband, I know who he is and where we stand, and we stand only with each other. I wouldn’t trade that security for ANYTHING! You are right, if the OP continues with this marriage she will be looking over her shoulder for the rest of her life or more likely until she catches him screwing a skank. Sorry, but that is a guarantee from someone who knows better.
Post # 80
Ok I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been with my fi for 2 years next week. And I had issues bc him and his ex gf. They were together for like 6 yrs. on and off. But I have never luckily had the misfortune of your situation. I really believe I would be more hurt if had done what your fi did. To me an emotional reltionship with another woman is worse than a horrible mistake of a one night stand. I really hope it works out for you. I wish you all the luck and would give you a huge hug if i was there. I know you wll make the best desicion for you.