(Closed) Fiance Cheated, Wedding is Off

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What constitutes cheating?
    Spending time with another woman when your SO doesn't know about it. : (174 votes)
    25 %
    Holding hands & some kissing & cuddling with another woman until 4am - SO gets to call jails & ER's : (197 votes)
    28 %
    Going to a movie with another woman friend that isn't your SO, but that you may be interested in. : (146 votes)
    21 %
    And for fun: Letting another lady touch your penis without your womans consent. : (177 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    199 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009 - Catholic ceremony, reception at local armory

    I am SO sorry.  I don’t have much advice except to keep your head up.  You are going to get through this!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1718 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

    Oh no. I am so so sorry to hear this, and am so glad that you’ve been strong thus far 🙁 There is no excuse for cheating — none.

    Post # 5
    Member
    359 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    ((HUG))

    Post # 6
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

    I am SO SO sorry! I don’t have any advice, but I too am glad you’ve been strong thus far 🙁

    Post # 7
    Member
    408 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I am so sorry and I am glad that you had a place like here to come and vent and for all us of to give you hugs!  I suggest taking a couple of days to cool off, there will always be anger for sure but let the initial anger simmer down and then talk with eachother in a public place I think, or if you think it will be ok sit down and sort things out but make sure you get the DOG, he/she will provide you comfort and unconditional love!  Sorry!

    Post # 8
    Member
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    I am so sorry.  Please stay strong.  I just know you’ll look back and be stronger.

    God Bless.

    Post # 9
    Member
    44 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    WOW. That is incredibly horrible. I do not have much advise either, but I would be thankful that at least you found this out now rather than after saying your "I Do’s"!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1042 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    That’s horrible, stay strong and good luck! I hope he at least admits to it and apologizes…it’s really the least he could do, literally!

    Post # 11
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    i applaud the fact you are not putting up with his crap and leaving him because thats what he deserves. you are a strong and smart girl.

    Post # 12
    Member
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Oh no!  hugs!  Stay strong — you’re definitely much more than he deserves!! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    599 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Freaked out about the wedding… What excuse ever justifies cheating? I have always found that particular one especially lame.

    You are strong and I feel soo badly for you, but I admire you too because I hope that if that ever happened to me I would be strong like you and leave him, too! I’m thinking about you and hope you have loved ones, like your mom, close to you to help you get through this! Hang in there, hug your doggy for me.

    Post # 14
    Member
    237 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I have no good personal advice. Someone in a similar situation, I think it may have been a bee,  that called off the wedding said they dodged the biggest bullet of their life. When the clouds clear, I think that is an excellent perspective to take.

    I wish you well and I’m sorry you are going through this. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    773 posts
    Busy bee

    *Sigh*  I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I just want to add a different opinion to the mix.

    First, I am so so so sorry for what you’re going through.  I know firsthand the pain that cheating can cause.

    HOWEVER.  My Maid/Matron of Honor was in a very long term relationship all through high school and college.  They were, according to themselves and everyone around them, just made for each other.  They were a great couple.  And her bf got drunk one night, and cheated. And he confessed that same night, and was just overcome with guilt.  My Maid/Matron of Honor wasn’t able to forgive him, for a lot of reasons.

    Cut to today.  She is in a relationship with a guy who professed his intentions to marry her numerous times during our wedding weekend.  He is engaged to another girl.  And both of them harbor intense regrets about never having tried to work things out.

    I’m a big believer in forgiveness.  Yes, cheating is horrible.  Yes, he has destroyed your ability to trust him.  But you own a home, and have a dog, and you have years of history.  Can one (horrible, cruel) mistake destroy all of that?  I would hope you would be willing to at least try to figure out what caused him to cheat, and if you would ever be able to rebuild your lost trust.  I would feel differently if he was a serial cheater, but this could have been a one-time incident.  I’m not trying to justify his behavior, but I do think you might at least consider forgiving him (after a lot of counseling).

    Post # 16
    Bee
    11824 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

    I’m really sorry Vintage Divine.  Obviously he doesn’t deserve you.  You will pull through this and you’ll be wiser for having gone through it.  He will definitely regret what he did to you and the fact that he lost out on what could have been.  Try to take it one day at a time and stay busy–work out, catch up with old friends, spend time with your fam, play with your dog.  I hope things get better for you!

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