(Closed) Fiance cheated with his ex a few months before wedding date

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
881 posts
Busy bee

If you cannot get out of this relationship, cancel the wedding and find your own place for your own peace of mind then please do it for your kids. 

They do not need to grow up in a house with someone who treats people he loves that way. Cheating is never okay. 

Though I’m concerned for the length of time you’ve been together, I’m not in your shoes so I cannot say anything about the relationship, but you guys got engaged pretty quickly…it seems like this guy isn’t mature enough or is still in love with his ex. I know you are in shock and upset…however you need to get this man out of your life and away from your babies. Your family isn’t going to care that they spent money to book things, but they wanna know you are okay and that you don’t deserve to be treated this way.  

Post # 48
Member
3054 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

He is only sorry he got caught.

Post # 49
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If it took him a “while” to figure out that he loved you, it should take you only a short time to figure out that you should leave his cheatin’ ass.

Post # 51
Member
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You have been together since November 2011

He was cheating on you by 5 months into the relationship in Spring of 2012

You are getting married in September ( if you date is correct on profile), not even one year from getting together.

I think you need slow down at the very least and really get to know each other and just date while recieving counseling.

Me personally, I would be out the door and never look back, but I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship-so its not for me to say.

Post # 52
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have no advice to offer.  I’m so sorry you are dealing with this.  I can’t imagine the shock and pain you are dealing with so soon before your wedding.  All I can say is to not make any snap decisions, take your time to think through what is best for you and your children.  You can check out http://www.survivinginfidelity.com for some support.

love and hugs from afar.

Post # 53
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. How devastating…

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t marry this man. You not only have to think about yourself, and whether or not he will hurt you like this again, but you also need to think about your children. Him cheating on you (his future wife) is also disrespectful to your children. A true man who honestly loves you and your kids would never do that.

If you decide that you want to work it out, I strongly suggest counseling or therapy. And I would definitely postpone the wedding. Trust issues are just so hard to work through.

Good luck.

Post # 54
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

So sorry you have to go through this. But seriously, dump him.

Post # 55
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Once is too many times.  I would leave him and call off the wedding.

Post # 56
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t marry him.  

And please please please don’t rush into another relationship.  For your sake and the sake of your children.

Post # 57
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mlc22:  As painful as it’s going to be you need to let him go. If he was fully commited to you and to your children he wouldn’t have done this to you. He should not have had any communication with his ex fiance. I just don’t know how you could ever trust him again. I know I would always worry and wonder if/when he’ll cheat again. It will be hard to cancel a wedding but easier than dealing with the heartache of a divorce. Good luck. This must be really hard on you.

Post # 58
Hostess
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Cut your losses and leave now.  If you cannot trust your future husband, the marriage is doomed from the get-go.  You may lose money now, but divorce isn’t cheap — monetarily OR emotionally.   I’m really sorry you have to go through this. 🙁

Post # 59
Member
6533 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m so sorry that happened. You need to leave him. I truly believe that if a person can stoop low enough to cheat, they will absolutely do it again. Don’t let him break your heart twice.

Post # 60
Member
918 posts
Busy bee

Coming back to this to explain myself..and I know I am not alone in this…

I dated a guy like this-heck-was semi-engaged to a guy just like this. I found out he was shlepping his ex wife. Saying they were gonna get back together.

Well!

I went down there and confronted him AND her. Best thing I ever did.  Aired HIS dirty laundry-She was at his house to boot-and HE wouldnt come to the door. I showed her the ring he bought me, the messages he sent, most recent that afternoon…she told him its over. They did break up, so he lost out on TWO girls.

Your guy…ya, not thinking about you, but about being alone and HIM right now.

He BEGGED me. CRIED to me. Called me 50 times a day…I actually ALMOST felt bad for him. I started to doubt my decision to leave him. Then I started dating (my now Hubs). oh boy….I at one point wondered if  Ihad made the wrong choice because he was so darn convincing…saying how much he loves me…how he wants only me, he will do anything, it was a mistake…

I got a restraining order in the end. lol

Now, fastforward six months. I am happily with my man, and I get a strange text. It is from his number. Asking to meet, talking weird…

Turns out it is his current Girlfriend…who *drumroll* is 3 months pregnant with his baby and was going through his phone and texting all the girls in it to see who they are!!!

I told her to GTF away from him as fast as she can…turns out he was doing the same thing to her. She wanted to meet, I told her no frickingway. I am done with that, hae moved on, and already gave her more time that he is worth.

 

These snakes dont change…just shed their slimy old skin and then slither around ,tarnishing everything they come in contact with until the next one.

 

Post # 61
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You and your children deserve better. There will always be tension and your children will be seeing that tension.  They deserve a step-father that will respect their mother.  And respect them too because by him doing this to you is showing them that he doesn’t care about their mother! Think about it before you make any decision.

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