(Closed) Fiance cheated with his ex a few months before wedding date

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 You poor thing, you deserve so much better.

I think that you already know the answer to your question. unfortunately..

You know that it is NOT okay but you are most likely scared to put so many people out, but don’t forget that this is your entire life at stake here.

You want to put yourself first, your family and friends will understand if the wedding has to be postponed or even canceled… especially for something like this. You have nothing to be ashamed of, its him who did wrong and caused this.

Post # 63
Member
2200 posts
Buzzing bee

@wildflowerbee:  +1. You have kids OP- this is no way to start off a marriage— especially to a guy you haven’t known that long. Cut your losses and leave him!

Post # 64
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

“He claims it took him a while to realize how much he really loved me and says it only happened once.”

What he said is bullcrap!!! Leave him, he doesnt deserve you…think of your kids, you want a good father for them. 

Post # 65
Member
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Also chiming in to say “Leave.” If he can’t even keep it in his pants during the infatuation stage of being with you, before you have a mortgage, more kids, and wrinkles, he isn’t going to learn later on. If you stay with him, you’re just telling him with your actions that he can get away with it.

I grew up in a household in which my father cheated. I saw what that did to my mother, and I had relationship issues for the first 15 YEARS I dated. If you marry him, you run the risk of your daughter thinking all men are eventually going to be that way–and worse, you run the risk of your son thinking that’s acceptable behavior toward women.

ETA: Just reread and saw you already have kids. No. This is not ok. Get out.

Post # 66
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you stay he will keep doing it, and divorce is much worse then calling off the wedding. Why did you agree to marry this man so soon? If I read that correctly you haven’t even known him a year, cut your loses honeymoon phase is over and he showed his true colours.

Post # 67
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

You would be a fool to marry this man.

Post # 68
Member
1546 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i am soo sorry that this happened to you, but better now than after the wedding. You need to leave, you cany trust him, yeah maybe he wont cheat again but gaining that trust back is gna be hard as fuck. You and your kids deserve the best not this or him. You should just up n leave.

Post # 69
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d call off the wedding, honestly.

1) he cheated when you were in wedding planning stages and says he didn’t know what he had? Then why did he propose to begin with?

2) It’s a hassle now, sure ($, family, moving), but better now than after you’re married. Getting a divorce is much more difficult and costly than leaving now!

3) no trust

Post # 70
Member
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i am so sorry.  the good thing is that you found out now as opposed to after the wedding.  why pay for the wedding and then a divorce.  cancel the wedding and move on with your life.  you deserve someone who respects you.  he does not.

Post # 71
Member
3338 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Be thankful you do not have more time than this invested and leave him.  If he wants to sleep with his ex, then he should be with her & not put you through this.

I am so sorry this happened.

Post # 72
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry you are going through this. Follow your heart. Don’t marry this dude.

Post # 73
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Leave him. Period.

Post # 74
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am so sorry to hear this. In previous relationships I have also faced infidelity with partners and I hate to say this, but it didn’t change with second changes. I don’t know your partner and don’t pretend to, but you need to consider the implications on you and your children. Can you ever trust him again? If not, you will be unhappy as will he. Also, you deserve someone who is truly dedicated to you and hasn’t had multiple “cheats” with his ex.

When considering the implications for family members who have already paid to be there, they would understand and be supportive. After all, divorce is very painful (emotionally and to the bank account) and marrying him to appease family may end up causing you and your children much more heartache in the end.

I truly hope you come to your own resolve. Follow your heart and trust in yourself that you will make the right decision 🙂

Best of luck 🙂

Post # 75
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

do not “postpone”…just cancel. Such an awful thing to do to TWO women. Who is the fool now? Just leave and protect yourself.

Post # 76
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would call it off

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