(Closed) Fiance cheated with his ex a few months before wedding date

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
1395 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t marry him.  This is why I think it is wise to spend plenty of time getting to know someone before committing to marriage.  Thank God you found out before the wedding, though! 

Post # 78
Member
1564 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

ack..don’t marry him please! I was somewhat feeling hurt by my husband on our wedding day over eventst hat transpired in the weeks and months leading up to it…and it wasn’t because he cheated! it was because he’d gotten sucked into all the hoopla and had become extremply stessed out and sometimes short with me…not to mention he caved into the pressure of feeling like he had to cator to everyone around us on the wedding week….which made me feel VERY ALONE, and disconnected from it all. While I’m happier than ever that we got through it (what a huge test for a relationship) even with my crazy mother in the background, I do indeed feel like I didn’t enjoy my wedding as much as I should have.

I can’t even imagine how hurt I would have felt if the hurt inside me had to do with betrayle….I would have not enjoyed my wedding AT ALL. Is that what you want for yourself? To stand up there and make a commitment when really, it will feel like a lie. You won’t feel like you are making the right choice.

As stressed out and sad as I felt, It never once crossed my brain while I said my vows, that I was doing the wrong thing and now that I’m home and the stress has subsided and my crazy mother is in her house, far away from us, i can honestly say I’m happy.

Can you honestly say you can  promise yourself to him with all your heart? Do you think once the wedding is over and you are back home with him, that everything will change, that hew ill forget this person, who he physically connected with a short time previously? He may bury it for a short while, be he will show his stripes eventually.

I had an older married couple (35 years married) give me some advice the other day. She said to NEVER ask your husband where he’s been if you won’t believe his answer. Because if you wont’ beleive his answer, then you shouldn’t be married to him at all. 

Post # 79
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@mlc22:  Leave him! Boom. Done! If he did it once.. He’ll do it again!

Post # 80
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Leave him now, calling off the wedding will cost you and your families money sure, but a divorce will cost you a lot more in the long run. You haven’t been together long and he’s already shown his true colors, he won’t change, he’s just mad he got caught. You and your kids deserve better.

Post # 81
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Let me put it to you this way, if I was a family member and found out that you went through the wedding because I had requested time off work and ordered plane tickets, I’d be pissed.

You need to do what is right for you and your family will be right behind you.  This is someone who not only cheated on you, but also lied about how many times. 

Good luck.

Post # 82
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

OP, are either of your children little girls? Do you want them to see this as acceptable? To be treated by a man this way? Do you have little boys? Is this the man you want them to aspire to be like? Whether you ahve boys or girls, do you want your children to see that you, their mother whom they think the world of, does not value herself? What kind of message does that send to your kids, if you stay?

You need to set an example for your children. You deserve better than this man and so do they.

Post # 83
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - Toronto, Ontario

losing the money on the wedding is nothing compared to losing your time and mind with him and spending more money to split if you can’t work it out

Post # 84
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee

I would leave him and then I would call my ob-gyn and book an appointment to get tested for STDs.

Then I would change my phone number so that he could never call me again.

 

OP, I’m so sorry this happened.

Post # 85
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I haven’t read any of the other responses, but I’d get the hell out of there ASAP. You deserve so much better.

Post # 86
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m very sorry with what you are going through! 

I’m so livid  that he “claims”  he finally realized he loved you by cheating with his ex? I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again…if someone loves you, that person WILL NOT cheat on you! Getting married will not change his behavior.  Please for your own sake and the kids, LEAVE! You deserve SO much better and someone who won’t cheat on you!!! 

Post # 87
Member
1860 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Please have more self-respect! For your sake and the kids…

Post # 88
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I 100% agree with everyone else’s posts – please don’t marry this guy! Once a cheater, always a cheater. And it really has nothing to do with you – people like that will cheat on their partners no matter who they are dating or married to! And like someone else said – you don’t want to have that as an example for your kids. Your kids and you deserve 100% better.

Post # 89
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Hugs. Sorry you are going through this. I’m afraid there’s really no way to sugar coat this.

He cheated on you after you guys are engaged in Mar, and his reason was it took him some time to realize how much he loves you? That really sounds like an excuse because wouldn’t he know that he loves you when he proposed / when you guys decided to get engaged?

If I was your family and I learn that the wedding is off, I really won’t see it as a waste of flight / expenses or be pissed at you. I would understand. Really really. Please do not make yourself go through with the wedding for those reasons. 

Hope you get through this. Hugs again.

Post # 90
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with PP, you should definitately cut your losses and leave him. I know it’s certainly easier said than done.

I’d also like to add that it sounds like your fiance still has feelings for his ex, it probably wasn’t “just sex”, they have history together so it may have very well been something more. Thats something to consider as well. Also, I agree with PP he’s only sorry he got caught.

Post # 91
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

From someone that found out 20 years too late…LEAVE NOW AND DON’T LOOK BACK!!!

It has cost me much more than wedding deposits…money is nothing compared to the rest of it!

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