(Closed) Fiancé cheated….long…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 89
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

your wedding day should be a very emotionally exciting day, if you cant look in the mirror and feel good, if you cant walk down the isle with peace and happiness in your heart, if you cant look into your mans face with honesty and love and say the words with total trust and respect,,then don’t. Live for yourself , look within,,take your values and morals,,you deserve more, you are special take care of yourself.

Post # 90
Member
3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@ivyjenny:  Marriage shouldn’t make a guy become monogamous. Respecting his incredible gf and fiancee should be enough to make him monogamous. THIS!

I’m so sorry you are going through this.  Like others have said, I am appalled that your family wants you to overlook this.  It’s as if they are saying you aren’t a person worthy of respect and love.  Screw that!  I would leave him.  If he truly loved you, he would have been able to control himself.  You deserve better. 

Post # 91
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You poor thing…at least you found out NOW before you actually went through with the wedding. I would call it off, and give yourselves some time with no pressure or deadlines to have it all figured out by. You deserve so much better, best of luck to you, do not settle just because you have gone through with this much planning- in the grand scheme of things it won’t matter…you’ll be grateful when you do find someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated, that you didn’t go through with it. 

Post # 92
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Soo sorry your having to deal with this. Hugs! No one is perfect however this is completely unacceptable behaviour. You deserve so much more than this and do yourself a favour and walk away. Listen to your gut feeling and cut your losses. We are here for you! Xo

Post # 93
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

you deserve to marry a man who you love & who is in love with you and who would never cheat on you. I think maybe if it had happend once & he was truely sorry and you both moved on but again & again?? And at your bacherlotte party?  You deserve to be confident and secure, if he is like this now, can you imagine the heartache you might have to suffer in years to come? Sending you hugs & best wishes. 

Post # 94
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@Hidingbride:  I just read your follow-up post(s), and my heart breaks for you even more.  Having your love and probably your best friend cheat on you repeatedly is a hard pill to swallow.  Having your families accept it, and tell you to do the same makes all of THIS that much more difficult. 

I think when you break it all down, imo, being raised with this viewpoint/expecting it to happen to you/planning a wedding is one thing that probably occurs in many communities, cultures, etc.   There are women that turn a blind eye to it for the sake of their families, etc. 

The fact that your heart-broken and questioning it means that YOU are not necessarily OK with it.  If you were, you would not here seeking opinions, whether it is the ‘norm’ for you (and your family).  I guess what this all means to me is that there is something in you, perhaps small right now, that knows that walking away may be the best thing.  That even though it will be HARD and SCARY, and even though you may be/feel ‘alone’, you will eventually be OK. 

It will take time, but you will heal, and honestly I truly believe you will be happier.  Good Luck.  Please, keep us posted!

Post # 95
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think its horrible that the women and men and in your life just accept this as normal!!!!  Please realize that he will NEVER stop cheating on you. I could understand if it was a one time thing, he was remorseful. Then I could see you working past this. But PLEASE realize, the fact that people are accepting this as normal behavior means that not only will he do this to you again, but he won’t try to hide it!!! How horrible will you feel when he is waving his new fling in your face??

PLEASE think about this. You deserve a man who will never treat a woman this way, a man who is man enough to treat his wife like she is the most important thing in his life. Not a man who realizes that he can do whatever he wants and get away with it, because its “accepted”

((HUGS))

Post # 96
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Hidingbride:  It’s impossible for me to definitively know your entire life and relationship in that one posting. 

But from what I have read–RUN

I know that may not what you want to hear—and maybe I’m wrong–but I was in a marriage with a cheater–and they do not stop

If these are the girls that you know about, can you imagine how many there are that you don’t know about? Trust is broken—big time

If you had been married for 15-20 years and had a few kids in tow my advice would be different–I would say to give counseling a shot–but try living apart for a little while

 

But you haven’t taken that plunge yet—if you do–you could be facing the same thing 20 years from now, but this time with 4 kids in tow whose lives you have to consider

These are supposed to be the easy years–if he can’t keep it in his pants now, wait until the spark has gone from the marriage and there are plenty of desperate hos at the bar! Not to be crass, but sometimes we can have blinders on to these things–because we don’t want to see how big the problems really are

Your family may have good intentions–but they are not the ones who are going to live your life

 

Post # 97
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I want to echo what everyone else said.

But, I am curious… could you have an open marraige? It sounds like you want to stay because your Fiance has been so supportive in the past. But he’s been allowed to get his needs taken care of… so why shouldn’t you? I have friends in open marriages and have been in open relationships before too. It isn’t for everyone, but I think if you should stay, there should be understanding that two get to play.

Post # 98
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ugh, no! Don’t marry this douche! This sounds like a pattern of behavior he’s following. I believe everyone deserves a second chance (though I don’t know if I’d still feel that way if Danny ever cheated on me) but a 3rd, 4th, 5th chance? No way. You deserve way better than this. 

I mean, you have to ask yourself if you want to put up with this for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. I like to give everyone the benefit of a doubt, but it’s unlikely he’ll change with his severe impulse issues. Even if he does, will you ever REALLY trust him? Is this the kind of life you want? 

I’d ditch him. 

Post # 100
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@Hidingbride:  Also, you’re talking about a health issue, I was bed ridden for 3 months and in a wheelchair for 16. Danny was there by my side, taking care of me and NEVER cheated. Had he, even though he took care of me for so long, I would have up and left. Wheeled my ass right outta there, lol…because he took care of me because he LOVES me, and according to him, I don’t owe him anything. If I don’t owe my caring sweet adoring husband anything…

You certainly don’t owe this guy anything, especially after the hell he’s put you through. You have NO OBLIGATION to him. Staying with someone due to a sense of “owing” them something is NOT a good reason to continue a relatioship. 

Post # 101
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@Hidingbride:  Please don’t marry him.  You will find someone that will love you and respect you enough not to cheat on you. 

Post # 102
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - north bay

I would hold off the wedding.. or just end it and get a puppy instead

Post # 103
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

THIS IS NOT OK GET OUT NOW!!!! wow really he cheated on you while you were celebrating the fact that you guys were getting married?!?!?  that says a lot

This will not stop, if you do decide to get married, realize this will probably be an issues that continues to come up, unless you are ok with an OPEN MARRIEGE, get out now!!!!! You will drive yourself crazy always wonderig where he is, who he is with, and who he is doing?!? this is no way to live you can do so much better!  I know I would rather be alone the be treated this way by somebody who is supposed to love me.  He will always feel like he can get away with it, this is not good

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