- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I wanted to get my story out there, and I’m really hoping to see if anyone out there has gone through something similar or had a clearer take on it.
My fiance and I have been together for 8 and 1/2 years, and were set to be married this May. While watching a movie, he was texting a friend, and I noticed a suspicious text from a number (no name) saying “did you “come” yet” – please note that I changed the spelling of the word come to keep this appropriate for the blog.
I confronted him, and he actually threw up he was so upset about it. I skimmed the messages but was so disgusted I didn’t even think to memorize the number or read into them. He told me he met a guy at a work meeting in Baltimore a few months ago, they had gotten to talking about relationships, and eventually it led to a strange conversation between the guys about the wife, and my fiance claimed he used it to get off, but did admit he had sent naked pictures of himself, and that he received pictures of the wife as well, which I had seen when scrolling on the phone. Personally, I can’t imagine someone being stupid enough to send pictures of themselves to a stranger, and the fact that it was with someone from some sleezeball website makes it even more appalling. I can’t reconcille that person with the person who would rub my feet and write me songs to make me smile.
I kept asking because I did not find this story believeable. When I told him I thought he had met a girl somewhere…he told me I was more right than I thought, but would not admit to it and continued to ask me to forgive him and try to move forward. He later claims that him saying that was him “trying” to tell me the truth.
We met with the Pastor who was going to marry us, and he finally admitted that he had gone on adultfriendfinder.com (please do not click a link if it appears because it is all naked pictures of people and their private parts) this past summer (several months longer than his original story) before we had bought our house, and before we had sent save the dates, picked our venue, purchased the dress. He finally admitted it was a woman named “becky” he met on this website, who lived 15 minutes from his friend’s house, but still swears there was nothing physical. However, it doesn’t help that she was close enough and that he sought her out by going on this disgusting website, all while we were planning our future together.
He’s lost both of his grandparents this year, he wanted more intimacy when we moved in, he was afraid to talk to me about it, I’ve heard every rationalization from him, but my greatest fear is that if he could so easily do this after proposing to me…what would stop him when things get harder? when we’re actually married? when there’s kids involved?
I have already called off the wedding, and he wants to go to counseling, but I’m not sure if I even think it’s worth it. Even if it wasn’t physical, the fact he lied to me a second time, and the fact that he could do this now after so many years…that I’m not sure I can accept.
I’ve been with him so long, that I honestly can’t imagine meeting or loving someone else, or the thought that someone else could love me and have it last. I haven’t dated since the days of passing notes back in forth in class, and the thought of some drunk guy making a pass at me at a bar, or having to put out a personal ad on some relationship website is absolutely mortifying.
Is there hope out there? Is it better to walk away from everything and risk being alone forever…or should I be willing to try to work this out? Can a relationship survive cheating during the engagement?