(Closed) Fiance did not get me the ring I wanted!

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have nothing nice to say, so I won’t say anything Laughing

Post # 18
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@AlexandraO:  so 1) he can’t afford a ring since he’s drowning in debt (can he afford a 5-6K ring without debt?)

2) you’d rather not have a ring if you can’t have one you want


I’m sorry, but I still don’t get it…my Fiance bought me a ring I didn’t want….i was looking at something completely different….BUT, i LOVE MY RING…he took his time picking it out and worked very hard to save the money to pay for it in cash (thank gods, I would not want him in debt for a ring)…..he carefully planned the dinner out, wore his suit, and we were very happy…..

I wouldn’t change a thing about it…because he bought it for me…..when he told me he was worried I wouldn’t like it I told him ….”You know why I wear my hockey jersey so often?  Because YOU bought it for me….that goes for the ring too….all that matters is that YOU cared enough to give me this gift”….

Post # 19
6255 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Can I just say that you’re the ONLY girl I’ve EVER seen who complains about getting too big a diamond. It sounds like you’re very picky. I don’t mean offense at that; I’m picky too. But I went with SO to pick out rings for that reason. You can’t refuse to go with him and then not like what he picks on his own. That’s kind of a catch-22, unless you send him with a list or something. Men don’t remember details like we do.

He may have even been talked into the larger stone by a smooth salesman who convinced him that a bigger love equals a bigger diamond.

Post # 20
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@AlexandraO:  I think you need to get over the fantasy of having him pick the ring that you think would be perfect.  Either you decide you ok releasing control of the decision (the style, the price, the clarity) and give him that…. or, return the ring and pick out the one you want at the price you deem fitting.

You’ve already made it clear to him that he messed up, so I don’t see why you shouldn’t return the ring and get what you want.  That way – at least he knows you are happy and doesn’t have to feel bad about his choice/decision.

Post # 21
2575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sheesh, just go and change the ring for one you want. 

Seeing as you are so specific I think it would be safer for you to do this.


Can’t see you being happy otherwise.

Post # 22
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Well I’m very sorry that you’re so unhappy about the overall ring and proposal. It sounds absolutely devastating.

Post # 23
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think you need to go and pick out your ring. 

Post # 24
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He feels bad and told me we can just exchange the ring and pick what I want. But I am very traditional and I think that is the easy way out for a guy. I told him what I wanted, why can’t he just spend the time and make the effort to get it?


I have to disagree…
I think the “traditional” thing to do would be to allow your SO/FI to pick the ring for you. You can’t have it both ways – you can’t tell him the exact specs of the ring and then insist he picks it out on his own and then hate the ring he picked out. If you are going to be so specific about the ring and not approve of his choice unless it meets every single one of your criteria, just pick your own ring. Why torture the poor guy? He can’t read your mind and he’ll never be as good as picking your perfect ring as you will. 

IMO, the whole point is not “for him to make the effort to pick somehting out that I like.” It’s for him to make the effort to pick out something special that he wants you to have. He picked out the ring he thought was best for you.

If you want that ‘surprise’ element, why don’t you find a handful of rings you like and then have him make the final choice?

But clearly – you are not happy with this ring. You should return it. You deserve something that makes you happy. Just don’t drive the guy insane in the process.

Post # 25
15132 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@AlexandraO: .I refuse to pick out my own ring, since the whole point is for him to make the effort to pick somehting out that I like.

With such explict details to what you want, you basically ARE picking it out.  You might as well just go to the store and do it together imo.

Post # 26
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I can kinda understand where you are coming from.  My ex-husband and I picked out my ring together quickly.  I was so overwhelmed I was getting one that it didn’t really matter to me what it was.  But after wearing it day after day after day, all I could see was the yellow tint to it.  Drove me bonkers! 


On another note, with my present husband, I didn’t get the ring I wanted and a year later I went into the jewelry store and bought my own.  I love my ring now.  I can’t stop staring at it.  I think it is nice that he got it for you, but sometimes that is not the best idea.  I would definitely explain how much it means to you, but I am sure the jeweler can work something out for you guys.  You will be wearing this ring hopefully forever.  Be honest and do not worry about hurting his feelings.  JMO.

Post # 28
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If I was you I would take it back myself and exchange it for something else, that will ensure you will love it.  You should love it because you’ll be wearing it for the rest of your life.  I don’t blame you for being upset, I’d be pissed if I could see inclusions in my stone!

Post # 29
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

” He feels bad and told me we can just exchange the ring and pick what I want. But I am very traditional and I think that is the easy way out for a guy. I told him what I wanted, why can’t he just spend the time and make the effort to get it?”

I understand you are upset, but all I can see right now is you throwing a tantrum. 

Cut the guy a break.  Let him exchange it, get the ring you want, and stop punishing him

Post # 30
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I can’t say what the best thing is to do in your situation, but I know that I went with my Fiance to pick out my engagement ring (ok, more like he went with me).  We went to places ALL over town (I am quite picky too).  Being there with him picking it out was SO special to us.  It was the first big decision we made together & I loved getting to work with him to pick something we both love! (Plus, we had a blast making fun of the rings we didn’t like – maybe we are just mean like that.) I don’t feel like I lost anything by picking it out becuase I know it meant a lot to him for me to love my ring (since I will be the one wearing it forever.) The only thing I didn’t like was waiting after that for the actual proposal. (It was about a month later), but it doesn’t seem like you would have that problem, you’d just have to wait for resizing. 

Post # 31
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

Edited because I’m being a snarky B and will go have a glass of wine instead. 

The topic ‘Fiance did not get me the ring I wanted!’ is closed to new replies.

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