(Closed) Fiance did sexual things at bachelor party

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 316
Member
12298 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

“Not thinking” is forgetting to take out the trash or to put down the toilet seat. He was thinking alright, but with an organ other than his brain. 

The high divorce rate is partially due to the fact that too many women are willing to take the chance to marry when there are already major betrayals or red flags. 

Post # 317
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Im sorry that you had to deal with his lying. I, for one, don’t find a stripper cheating at all and don’t mind at all whenever it comes up on boys night out. Hell, even my girls and I will often go out to a strip club every now and then. The only issue I have with guys is when they LIE about going to a strip club. Honestly, if you have to LIE about it, then you don’t value your relationship. If you have to LIE then you already knew that you Fiance or SO doesn’t approve. 

Now back to your situation.. strippers are one thing – But prostitutes?! Ring Pop in the Vagina?! – can anyone say UNSAFE? that’s QUITE the “stripper” and way over the line! 

Stay strong! 

 

Post # 318
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

Can I play devil’s advocate here for a minute?

I’m assuming your fiance had quite a bit to drink the night of this incident. I’m also assuming the prostitute involved was stone cold sober. If both these statements are true, then technically he was sexually assaulted. I realize how ridiculous that sounds, but think about it. If a woman was very intoxicated and was surrounded by her friends who were pressuring her to do sexual acts with a man, we would be screaming about how she didn’t give enthusiastic consent and was taken advantage of.

I hate how I sound right now, but it’s important to think about these things. People who have experience sexual assault are made to feel ashamed of it, made to feel like they “wanted it.” In the case of men, they are even told that it’s impossible for them to be sexually assaulted, because men are always in the mood. Ultimately, the only thing that is going to bring the truth to light is communcation. If your fiance can explain to you exactly what happened (and I don’t mean the precise number of millimeters his tongue was from her vagina – I mean what was going through his mind when it happened), then maybe you two can come to an understanding about what the future holds for you.

Post # 319
Member
903 posts
Busy bee

marriedtopizza:  We have no idea how much he had to drink nor where his mental faculties were at that time. We had a thread here a few months a go where a guy was sexually assaulted at his bachelor’s party. He was so drunk he was blacking in and out and was not consenting to what was happening at all. That was rape. It sounds like the OP here probably had just enough to drink to loosen his inhabitions, but still have control over himself and was able to consent by willfully putting a ring pop in a woman’s vagina. The OP’s Fiance has complete memory of this party and has no way said or alluded to that this was forced or that he protested in anyway. 

Post # 320
Member
12298 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

marriedtopizza: Please. He was conscious and actively involved, not sexually assaulted. Being drunk, even if he was, is not a free pass. People don’t do things they really don’t want to do. 

Post # 321
Member
11583 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

marriedtopizza:  oh yes, the old weekend long hired prostitutes who raped the dude. Happens all of the time. Damn sex workers. 

Post # 322
Member
49 posts
Newbee

First thing is first: the Bridesmaid or Best Man looked you in the eye and promised you that there would he no strippers. Then he goes behind your back and orders (is that the right word?) Prostitutes?! Nope! I don’t think so! He obviously has no respect for you what-so-ever! If you do end up going through with the wedding, he should defiantly no longer be in it. I would even go as far as to say that he should not be allowed to attend. He’s a total scumbag and if that is the type of person your Fiance surrounds himself with, that says something major about his character.

Also, please don’t go through with the wedding. I know this has been said a billion times, but it was bad enough that he did everything that he did, but it was even worse that he lied about it! Personally, I’m not sure if I would be able to ever get that put of my head. And plus, maybe I read this wrong, but wasn’t it the guy that left the one who told you everything? What happened *after* this guy left?! What did your Fiance do that you haven’t caught him yet?!

 

Just my two cents. I wish you only the best. I am truly sorry that you have to go through all of this I cannot imangine what must be going through your head right now.

Post # 323
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

britney123:  I am so sorry you are going through this. I know you are so confused and heartbroken right now. You are trying to decide whether or not to marry this guy. But I think you are in too much shock to make that kind of decision right now. But I think you already know one thing, you cant marry him in 2 weeks. There is no way you can walk down the aisle in your pretty dress and see him at the alter (with his POS BestMan) and smile and be happy. There is no way you can say your vows and mean it. All of your pictures will come back with a fake smile and the pain in your eyes. You know this. In your heart, you know this. 

So postpone the wedding (many vendors will allow you to use the same deposit you originally put down). That you can do. It will be hard, but easier than going through a wedding where your heart isn’t in it. Once you postpone the wedding, you can have time to clear your head. Go to couple’s counseling, see if he is really sorry, or just feeding you a line. Give yoursel some time to make a proper decision about the rest of your life. 

Post # 324
Member
802 posts
Busy bee

Rather than jump into a marriage for money’s sake, or your mum – take the time to figure out whether or not you can forgive him, and if you truly see a future with him. It seems that your relationship lacks in respect, and trust at the moment, and marriage is not something to start without either or both. He lacks respect towards your feelings, and you have no way to respect him after he’s so thoroughly violated your trust. If you do eventually decide to marry him, it should be after you have both worked through this and rebuilt the respect and trust in your relationship. A few pps have already said similar things, but someone wise once told me this – marriage is expensive, but divorce is even more so. 

Post # 325
Member
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m going to go ahead and close this now as this discussion has run its course. 

The topic ‘Fiance did sexual things at bachelor party’ is closed to new replies.

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