Post # 1
Fiancé and I have been together for a little over a year, and hit the 6 month mark in our engagement on June 1st.
The day he proposed I immediately (without thinking) called my maternal grandparents because I love them so and wanted them to be the first to know (knowing it would be on Facebook or heard through the grapevine). I had them on speaker phone kinda expecting happy remarks, but sadly my grandpa did not say a word (and didn’t say anything to me for about 2 weeks) but my grandma said “oh no” and “well did you say you’d think about it”
This broke my heart and I know my fiancé was hurt about it too. I got off the phone with them and called our parents to tell them the news and they were so happy and reassuring that everything would be okay in the end.
Fast forward to now. Spoke to grandma last night and she is coming home for my birthday! I haven’t seen her in about 2 years so I’m very happy. When I told fiancé he asked of that was good news. Poor guy 🙁 I know he must still feel hurt about it.
How can I make him feel better about meeting my grandma for the first time. Our wedding is still 6 months away so my grandparents have had time to get used to the idea, although they may not like it. I totally understand though. I’m the youngest granddaughter at soon to be 21. I’m in college and on my way to medical school. They’re concerned about my future and where it will go since I’m getting married. They live in florida and we live in oklahoma so theyve never met him. But I’ve assured them that changing my last name will not stop my ambitions. the rest of my family was overjoyed for the engagement.
I love my grandma dearly, she’s my closest confidant. How can I help my fiancé to not be nervous when meeting her for the first time? He really is the sweetest man alive, but soooo quiet, just like my father who my grandparents adore, so I think everything will be wonderful once they meet. Just need a little reassurance. 🙂
Post # 3
If your grandma is your closest confidante, then you’re in a good position to tell her that their uncertaintly about your fiance will be hurtful to him, and that it’s important to you that he feel welcome and appreciated. Then tell your fiance that you spoke to your grandparents and that they are clear about your feelings for him.
Nothing helps more than knowing that the person you love most is standing up for you and for your relationship.
Post # 4
If you have a good relationship, you should tell her that her comments hurt you AND him a lot, and that he still is feeling the sting from them.
Post # 5
@MrsJM2B: I think you need to talk to your grandma more than to your Fiance. It’s only natural of him to feel that way after the reaction, and I think the ball is in your grandparents court to make him feel like they appreciate and accept him.
Post # 6
Oh yeah! Somehow I missed that part. She did call the day after the engagement and apologized. My grandpa is still upset about it some but grandma has come around to the idea. She wants to help with picking the dress so I send her pics via email now.
So everything is okay on that end. It’s just him being nervous that I want to help with
She’s coming alone due to my grandpas current health status, she is excited to meet him.
Post # 7
I completely understand that grandparents that can say hurtful things. My grandmother loves to tell me that I better marry my SO before he realises that I can’t have kids. (He is well aware by the way) Sometimes I think the older we all become the easier it is to put our foot in our mouth. Often times, I think they truly believe that they have the best intentions. Although it sounds hurtful, try explaining to him that it has nothing to do with your Fiance as a person. You could be marrying ANYONE and they would be worried for you. I’m sure they feel the same bond with you that you have for them. The fact that they’ve never met him may worry them, especially because the entire dating process is very different now then it was for them. They just want what is best for you, and when they meet him I’m sure your Fiance will feel the love only a grandmother can give. Sometimes peoples love shows in different ways, and I believe that they are just trying to show their love for you. I think explaining it to him, in a different way might help.
I’m not trying to say that what was said was right, I’m just saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. haha. Best of luck!!
Post # 8
When my Fiance met my Paternal grandparents for the first time my grandfather’s words were you can’t get married you are to young… Thats really the issue. We are the babies so how exactly are we supposed to be old enough to get married and have babies of our own? As the youngest your grandparents might have thought that they wouldn’t be around when you got married or as some old people do, they lost touch with the society of newlyweds and starting a life. Its ok. Your grandparents will love you both and you can explain perhaps how close you are to Grandma and why she may have a hard time letting go because of it.