- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
Last night was the night my fiance and I both had our stag/stagette. Today, after coming home from an amazing time with my friends and staying overnight at my MOH’s, I noticed that my fiance seemed sluggish and uninterested in anything. He told me he had fun at first, but just now I managed to get it out of him that he was disappointed in his stag.
Some background info: My fiance is very low-key and so his stag was to consist of going to the comic expo that is in town with his groomsmen (3 of them) and one or two other friends and then going to the bar. Unfortunately, he has been so busy with school and exams, he hasn’t really had the time to think about what he wanted to do. in the end, the expo didn’t work out because they were too full and had to turn people away, so in the end, they went to a bar downtown, did go karting, then went to another bar near our house. He is disappointed because the expo didn’t work out, and in general he was just a bit disappointed.
We have tried to make it very easy on our friends to be on the wedding party. We picked their outfits with them, asking for their input and ensuring that they like them, we have done a lot of things that many other brides would consider as tasks of the wedding party for them, and we have paid for absolutely everything from their suits (that are theirs to keep after the wedding), dresses, accessories all the way to their hotel rooms for them and their significant other, just so they don’t feel obligated to have to pay a large amount of money to stand beside us on our wedding. One guy just bought a house, another just moved in with his girlfriend, and two of them are still in school so we want to help pay for as much as possible so it doesn’t stress them out. We just want them to be there.
Now I’m not trying to flaunt that we have paid for everything and that means our friends owes us, but what we HAVE done is try to be courteous to our friends. My Maid/Matron of Honor even said I’ve made her life so easy, and was so grateful for everything we’ve done for her. She threw me an awesome stagette and has always been there whenever I asked for something, so for me, that is more than I could ever ask for. In terms of my fiance’s friends, the least I thought they could do is throw him an awesome stag.
But no… the best men (there are 2 of them and they KNOW that is their role) never even talked to my fiance about the stag. The third groomsman had to remind them like a week before yesterday. And my fiance basically had to decide what he wanted to do, and when the expo plan fell through, one of the guys even said “well it’s your stag, so you decide what to do man”. I thought planning the stag was the responsibility of the best man. My Maid/Matron of Honor planned absolutely everything for me–she asked for my input for certain things, but in the end, SHE was in charge. The fact that the 2 best men have been flaky at best when it came to responding to our requests doesn’t help (it took them more than 3 weeks and 2-3 phone calls/emails/texts for us to FINALLY receive their RSVP on our wedding website–one of them I even had to manually input their RSVP FOR him and his girlfriend). If they can’t do something as fun and simple as planning a stag, how can I trust them with anything to do with the wedding anymore?
I’m upset FOR my fiance, he thinks it’s his fault that he never really gave them the responsibility of planning the stag to one of the guys, but if I were a good friend and haven’t heard anything about my friend’s upcoming and impending stag/stagette, I would communicate with the other people. He said things like “oh well I guess some people don’t even get stags” and “I guess things don’t always go the way they should” but I want HIM to have a good time, just like I did. In addition, I voiced my concern about how unresponsive and flaky his friends have been, and he just said “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they have their act together for the wedding”. But it’s not ok to me–these are his friends. He should trust them and they should be there for him. If all we need are 3 guys to help us do things on the day of the wedding, we could’ve asked any random 3 guys, not his best friends.
So now, I’m at a loss at what to do. I want him to be happy…and there are just less than 3 weeks left to the wedding. I have thought about confronting his friends, but I don’t think that is the best thing to do because they might think I’m a bridezilla/b*tch and it might put a huge amount of stress on their friendship with my fiance. I was thinking of talking to fiance’s mom and maybe planning him a little party or something, but then I don’t know who to invite (especially if I try to invite his friends, they probably won’t be able to make it because it seems like we always have to book them 2-3 weeks in advance for anything we ask them to do). Then I thought maybe I could plan something fun for just the 2 of us to do a week or 2 before the wedding.
I have to act fast though, because time is running out. I’m sorry the post was so long, but I really don’t know who or what to turn to for ideas. What would you do in my position? Thanks in advance for your opinion.