Post # 1
fiancé has this unfounded hatred of my daughters new boyfriend. It is like he dreams stuff up to cause distress in our home.
My daughter and her friends needed to be picked up from school and drove home 3 nights last week and the one night fiancé went he said they were groping each other so he hates the kid.
The kid seems very nice. Well mannered, polite, respectful, responsible…He has a job and provides for all his needs at 14. Overall he seems lovely. The parents of my daughters friends love this kid. I grew up with them so do value their opinions. Fiancé has no case and seems to just be making crap up for a reaction? I don’t know.
Well on Thursday I told fiancé that the kids had no plans this weekend and I would not be shuttling teenagers around. Then come Friday, my daughter announced she had plans Sunday morning and they would need a ride.
he says I will see that the kid is awful and his judgement is right. I politely reminded him that his judgement of people is flawed, or I would not be working with a girl with an ankle bracelet. (Backstory: One of his friends needed a job, and he talked her up saying how wonderful she is. She is not. She has court dates every few weeks, couldn’t pass a drug test to save her life and really is not the type of person that would be considered wonderful.)
so fiancé flipped his lid, saying he has no say, he dislikes the kid and I lied to him. He refused to ride along with me, so I have dropped the kids off and eating breakfast and killing time by myself while I wait to pick them up.
how should this be handled? Is his behavior warranted? I am fuming because of you always have to do things alone, what’s the point of being in a relationship?
Post # 2
Why are you with him? He sounds like a controlling, immature, asshole.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t take your FI’s judgement seriously or factor it in to any decision at all for that matter. He sounds like an asshole.
Post # 4
Sounds like he needs to chill out. The kids are 14 – the likelihood that they are together forever is pretty low.
Post # 5
Doesn’t your fiancé have a long running problem with your kids? If I remember correctly he doesn’t like to help you with them and often refuses to pick them up. It sounds like this could be another wild excuse so he doesn’t have to pick them up in future.
I have no idea why you are with someone who treats you so badly and walks over you so much.
Post # 6
Totally separate from the fiance issue..one thing that stood out for me
Your daughter ‘announced’ she had plans on sunday and needed a lift…now after telling your fiance you had a free weekend you are spending your sunday alone waiting for your daugjter and her boyfriends plans to finish. Not sure about others but when i was 14 i ASKED my parents if i could do things. And i cleared it with them before making plans with friends. And i really wasnt expecting my mum to drive me and my boyfriend around multiple times a week.
Post # 7
When you were a teenager, did you miss entire years of school and spend most of your time in hospitals?
My daughters health is very stable right now, she is back in school this year and not getting treatment. I want her to spend as much time with friends as she can while she is healthy, because at any time she can be back in the hospital and getting treatment, which means chemo. Maybe I do cater to her but she does have a temperamental health condition
Post # 8
Is your fiance your daughter’s dad?
Does your fiance help parent your child? Does he have the right to?
Does your fiance think your daughter’s boyfriend is putting her in danger? (Consensual groping between teenagers is not a danger as much as parents don’t want to think about it. Talk to your daughter about safe sex and trust that you raised her to make good choices and to feel comfortable telling you if something is wrong and someone has hurt her)
If you answered no to any of these questions then what your fiance thinks about your daughter’s boyfriend doesn’t matter one bit.
Also, why are you with this man? He sounds controlling and like an asshole. And associates with people I would not want a child to be around.
Post # 9
Your fi sounds aweful. I’m curious how a 14yr old has a job that covers all his needs? You mean like movies and pop once in a while?
Id seriously consider looking for a man that likes my children. Your daughter must feel,.on some level, that your Fiance dislikes her and treats her badly, guilting you in the meantime for doing normal parental duties.
Post # 10
No he is not her father. He has no right to parent her. Her own father has no rights. He gave me sole custody of her years ago
Her and I have had lots of talks about safe sex. She is well educated on the matter.
It does seem like he is trying to control me. I have told him countless times that I am uncontrollable. I will always do what I want, so he is going to grow frustrated if he thinks he will change me.
Post # 11
Safe sex? I certainly wouldn’t encourage her to have any sex at 14. Your fiancé may be overreacting, but I would also be concerned with 14 year olds groping each other. I personally wouldn’t allow it. Holding hands is ok. Groping is way too much.
Post # 12
lulubelle2017 : I’d really want a description of what this “groping” consisted of before I condemned it. It doesn’t sound like the OP’s fiance does a very accurate job of judging people overall, so him announcing that he “hates” a 14 year old that lots of other parents seem to love might be problematic.
Post # 13
lulubelle2017 : I wouldn’t encourage a teenager to have sex either. But I’d rather a teenager know all the ins and outs of how to protect themselves from disease and pregancy *before* they start having sex. And young teenagers have bodily autonomy and their own sexuality that they are discovering and exploring. I’d want them to be well educated and able to make decisions they are comfortable with. Particularly because young people who are educated about sex and whose parents are open about it are less likely to be pressured into doing something they are uncomfortable with and are more likely to feel comfortable coming to their parents if someone has done something to them that they didn’t want.
Post # 14
penny1403 : I know you think you come here to just vent your frustrations that you have with your fiancé, but you really need to go back and read all of your past posts because it does not paint him in a good light. I’m not even sure how you consider yourself to actually be in a relationship at this point.
What redeeming qualities does he have?
Post # 15
She mentioned before that she wanted to be married by the time she was 40 so perhaps thats why she stayed with him…
Otherwise,considering how much she looks down on others who dont have same income/lifestyle as her, im not sure why she is interested in associating with the likes of her fiance/his friends/family.
OP also makes reference to being a single parent a few times even though her fiance lives with them so deep down and dont think she really considers them a true partnership at all…