(Closed) Fiance does not participate in wedding planning :(

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

A wedding is just one of those things MOST guys don’t really get lol My Fiance at first wanted to be apart of everything, then when he saw how much there really was… he was like eh…. I’ll let you handle it. lol Honestly, it doesn’t really bother me, I feel like the decisions made are usually by the bride anyway.  As long as you have your family helping you, it should be all good!  Plus you have us Bees here!Laughing

Post # 4
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with mimosa, my Fiance proposed and we talked about location etc but he said all wedding decisions, I trust your judgement.  I still run most big things by him but he doesn’t care what every centerpiece is going to look like and that stuff.  Don’t worry I don’t think boys want to be involved!

Post # 5
13 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am in the same boat :S fiance does not want to plan anything, he thinks everything can be arranged within 2 weeks (a wedding for 500 ppl, and he’s the one who wanted the big wedding). We were in a marriage prep course, and literally he was trying to sneak out…But you know what? I think from everything I heard from my friends etc, this type of situation is not all that uncommon. Be happy he won’t help you can do things your own way, what’s worse is when your FIL’s want to do everything their way :S

Post # 6
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think it’s all that unusual for the guy to not be heavily involved.  It seems like it would be an uphill battle to try and make him be fully involved with every little decision and detail.  You should make the big decisions together if you can (like touring and picking the reception venue) but for the smaller things (like picking vendors, invite designs etc), it has worked for us to have me sort through all the options and then present him my top 2-3 options and ask if he has thoughts. 

It will really be ok!  I think it’s just a matter of adjusting your expectations.


Post # 7
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

One thing that helped me with this feeling was to give him a specific task or two that he and only he was responsible for completing…In my case, it was entertainment.  Even though I did the initial research and gave him some ideas, I basically said you are in charge of booking our band or DJ…And he did! So that might be something to try if you want him to be more involved…

But in general, I think most guys are very happy to leave the wedding plans to the ladies…

Post # 8
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I do all the grunt work and narrow down the vendors and then ask my Fiance if he wants to see the photogs I am looking at (for example) and he “usually’ wants to be involved in the decision process but not the grunt work!

That being said though – this is for the big things – for Save-The-Date Cards or flowers or Invitations or card box or escort cards etc. he could care less and so I ask him if he wants to be involved he says no so I do it on my own!

I really enjoy planning the wedding so I don’t mind doing it by myself, and sometimes with my mom and my girls!

Do you not like doing it by yourself if you know he’s just not into it? Can your mom or BMs help you? Maybe you need to sit down and talk to him about responsibilities for the wedding planning!

Good Luck!

Post # 9
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i totally know what everyone is saying. why are guys not turned on by peonies and silk satin and trolling stationers’ websites for hours on end in search of inspiration?!?!

however, i have found that my guy does really well when i give him specific jobs to do and complete. for example: please research and call the hotels and negotiate the room block. for example: resaerch and book the band. i give him as much guidance as possible (these are the hotels i like, here’s how much $$ we can spend on the band) but let him do all the legwork. ive been very happy with the results.

i stay on top of him and ask for regular updates but the results and the work are up to him (the decision, of course, is up to me. this is NOT a democracy people!!). on the other side, i try not to bore him with the minutiae of my umpteenth conversaation with the caterer about cremini vs buttom mushrooms in the second course.

Post # 10
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My Fiance was the opposite and wanted to be invlved with every aspect, which was frightening as well. I knew that it was because he had no clue of what needed to be done. I sat down with him and showed him the task list of 120+ things that needed to be done and then he realized he did not want to be that involved. I told him to tell me the 4-6 things he really cared about and I involve him in those. The rest, he just checks in with me every weekend about.

I would sit down with your Fiance and show him all the things that need to be done and then see what he says. He needs to help for sure! Some guys are just really clueless about what’s involved with a wedding.

The topic ‘Fiance does not participate in wedding planning :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors