Fiance does not want Chinese ceremony and banquet

posted 2 weeks ago in Traditions
Post # 31
Member
6599 posts
Bee Keeper

I would think about this:

What other cultural things are you going to expect from him once you’re married? How would it work with church/temples once youre married? Would your fam expect you both to show up? What about having kids? Do you need to raise them a certain way or baptize them in a certain religion? What about as PP said about taking care of your parents once they are old? How are you going to feel if he pushes back against these (which it sounds like he will)? Will you be ok with that? Will you still be willing to find a middle ground then? What if your parents pass? Would you still feel it necessary to do these things? 

Just things to think about for you future. It sounds like he is pretty against these things. If you aren’t going to be ok with that (not jus the ceremony right NOW), then consider what the rest of your life will look like. The resentment and anger you feel now may only grow if that’s the life you expect and hes not on the same page. 

Post # 32
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

It doesn’t just sound cultural at this point. 

Who complains about an afternoon celebrating two people who have found love? “My cousin was being annoying by wasting everyone’s Saturday attending their wedding.” What would he prefer to be doing on his Saturday? Is it foreign to him that people may actually enjoy celebrating and being happy for others?

By saying all those things are meaningless and pointless.. What has value to him? What isn’t meaningless?

Life is made up of moments with the people we love.. family dinners, special occasions, New Year, weddings, engagements, births, birthdays, deaths. If you are with someone who finds these things meaningless and views them as a waste of time you will never be able to fully enjoy a wedding or a family dinner or all the moments that enrich our lives. You are fundamentally different.

You arn’t breaking up with him because he won’t have a wedding ceremony, which is a valid reason, he obviously doesnt respect and value you. You are breaking up with him because the things you value and the things he values are not compatible.

 

 

Post # 33
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2020

@cassandra7 for context, some traditional Chinese parents will expect their children to care for them in their old age, whether it be an allowance or moving them into your marital home. It’s not as common anymore, but it’s still practiced.

OP, I might have come off a bit strong, but I really think you should try to figure out how you and your FH can come to terms with incorporating  the cultural beliefs and traditions that are important to you. Like you said, this isn’t the only tradition he doesn’t like honoring. There will be other disagreements in the future 

 

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